The F Word

Dec 17th, 2010 5:25:01 pm - Subscribe
Mood: abnormal

Too many second chances. I hate it when people are mad at me. I want to disappear into the background. I'd rather fail than ask for help.

I have no excuse. I've maxed out the beta but I just keep playing. Waiting. Professor Milton Clodbottle, you will be the death of me with your neopets version of farmville.

Dreams are my only escape from the loneliness and sad faces of my loved ones.

"I'm praying for you."

I won't distract you with my stoned reminiscions of Sugar Ray and Uncle Cracker. I won't distract myself with this irrational longing for my balding professor.

No more second chances, please. Don't sympathize, I don't deserve it. Just let me go. Forget me. Allow me the opportunity to screw up my life. I've tried so hard. Let me succeed at this one thing. Please stop caring about me. Your love hurts.

I've been watching the people around me for several months now. Everyone is high on something. I fall into my teenage habits: "Are you feeling this?"

It's fruitless. Everyone is used to it. No one even knows they're high anymore. No one wonders what is going on. No one wonders about anything. Everyone ignores their surroundings and the feelings they have. They go about their life, the robots that they are, pondering the same things they ponder every day. Nothing is new. Nothing is worth a second thought. They look at you when your mental processes are altered. They look at you all the time.

You wonder why I live my life in a state of fear?

I must be like them. I must find someone to reboot my brain and help me think like everyone else. I used to be unique. I used to be the brightest bulb, the free-thinker. Now I'm just a nuisance and a total waste of human life and everyone is sick of it.

How long has this been going on?

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