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femmeemo Tetonic Plates - Subscribe

I had a dream that the world was shifting under my feet; that everything was shaking, screams lighting up across the sky.

I dreamt that I stood in the hollow of a vally as it transformed heaving, into a mountain- with only a mind shattering screech echoing in my head to prove it had ever been anything but the newly minted peak.

There was death in my dream. Not just mine; but the deaths of many. Mothers, fathers. Lovers, spinsters, and the damned. We all died the same way. It amazed me, dream me- that death was the same equilizer as birth had been. We all were born the same way- setting and timing aside. We all die.

It wasn't a scary dream. It was hardly even a nightmare.
It was cold.

Cold, when I woke.

It was cold with the realization that one day I would move my valley to the top of a mountain. And from there I could see everything ending.

I woke knoing that one day, I will have all of my answers.
-

2 Comments
Mood: Free'd
I Hear: Popcorn Burning.

femmeemo Drunk and I am seeing Stars Jan 13th, 2012 5:50:51 pm - Subscribe

Everything is up in the air. I am so swamped with my current job- and yet not doing my job. My part time job getting needlessly stressful.

I am waiting to hear if I got the Big Brother's Big Sister's position. I want it. I don't want to leave. I need change, and fear it. FUCK. I AM A COWARD.

Such a coward.
-



0 Comments
Mood: BURNING, eyes burning.
I Hear: Lana Del Rey- Videogames

femmeemo And we will call it this land. Oct 28th, 2011 2:04:12 pm - Subscribe

'Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal.'

I am tired.

Tired of people doing nothing but talking about change. Beaurocracy has been here since the dawn of organized society. Our schools are a disgrace. Our kids are killing themselves faster than the obesity can.

Why would we change what ain't broke?
It is broken.

Society isn't benefitting anyone.
Except it allows us to stay fat and lazy.

I work. I work. I work. I volunteer.
I work.

'Mine is an evil laugh.'
-

1 Comments
Mood: Despondent
I Hear: Adam WarRock

femmeemo Sexy Magician Blues Oct 12th, 2011 6:27:12 pm - Subscribe

So. Halloween, huh?



I have a top hat, and I have tails.
Fishnets, and a corset that makes my tits capable of making Sir Isaac Newton weep.
I hope I do Zatanna justice.

The only sadness in dressing like the enchantress, and mistress of magic herself is- people will only know I am dressed as a
'sexy magician'

Injustice.

And yet- I suppose... in my mid-twenties- I shouldn't be so enraptured by comic books, and the beautiful references they lend.
I'm nearly done reading A Song of Fire and Ice.
I'm killing time.
Procrastinating on my application for a fringe show.

Life creeps forward.
-

0 Comments
Mood: exhausted.
I Hear: Nikki Yanofsky

femmeemo A game of wits. Oct 3rd, 2011 1:27:25 pm - Subscribe

My life is becoming full.
I am so close to having to empty my life inbox it is nearly deafening.

I have so many things on the go.
Busy, busy, stagnant.
Rinse, lather, repeat.

My stress levels skyrocket so high- I just... I find I have more coping mechanisms than I know what to deal with. I am an orstrich with my head in the sand, and I am a bear with its' mouth covered in blood.

I play a dangerous game with myself. I live for my downtime. Work is meaningless and mostly an enabler for my laziness.

I want to crotchet, read my bloodlust novels, write my feeling down on paper, drink my tea, watch senseless amounts of shit on television. I am happy at home- happy but I swear my family can smell it and like sharks in the water...

-are after me.

Their stresses, and strains suffocate me. They fuel my indifference and blatent apathy.

Save me?
Throw me a big fucking neon lifering and drag me back to a world where I am capable of empathy.
-

0 Comments
Mood: Stoic
I Hear: Stomach Grumbles

femmeemo I hate. Aug 10th, 2011 6:40:29 pm - Subscribe

Many thing.
I don't often like to hate, but today seems to be the crankybitchysick day.
So I will allow myself today to rant.

Locked doors when you're sitting in the living room. Your two volumes; angry and yelling. Your inability to use common logic.

I refuse to talk about it anymore.
The more I talk about your dumb,loud, cunt ass. The more I seeth.

Worst lifechoice ever.
-

2 Comments
Mood: Sick
I Hear: Bitch Yelling

femmeemo My daughter. Jun 22nd, 2011 5:54:46 pm - Subscribe

Thisbe.
-

0 Comments
Mood: Joyful
I Hear: Loudon Wainright

femmeemo And, they say- Life is sweet. Jun 16th, 2011 12:24:20 pm - Subscribe

Stomach churning.
By gaslight burning.
I need this day to end.
---


Ever feel like your significant other is cheating on you- for no real reason? Now, before you agree; and tell me that my feelings are likely correct. Allow me to explain.

I am not talking about the beautiful boy that shares my bed. I am not talking about he with his unexpected holds, and sweetness.

I talk about fiction. I feel like life is cheating on me.
With what?
My younger, more dazzling twin? My life has changed drastically. Again. I am living with Exspensive. Everything is good- well... most everything. Work is meh. Money is meh. And oddly enough, my only complaint (Besides people not paying me back monies) is that I miss her.

The time zones are enough to kill me. It's odd.
My co-dependence normally doesn't hold this long.
I miss her. I hate Korea. I hate Korea.
And car insurance.
---

The pallid spew of colour,
by the graying light grows duller,
I need this day to end.
-

0 Comments
Mood: Brutal.
I Hear: Love will tear us apart.

femmeemo Ravagely Angry May 25th, 2011 4:35:35 pm - Subscribe

FUCKSHITCUNTASSHOLE.


I have a truck. Its not my fault.
They are too cheap to pay for my parking so they force me to park in the smallest fucking place.

AND THEN THEY YELL BECAUSE I AM PARKED LIKE A DOUCHE.

I HAVE NO CHOICE.

I SHAKE WITH RAGE- SHAKING WITH RAGE.
GAH.

-Jeannie is in labour and I am the one panicking-
PANIC
YELLYELLSCREAMPOUTYELL

I am hungry and impatient and I WANT IT TO BE MY BIRTHDAY.
...
Which.
Is tomorrow.

As I age, I get crankier.
-

0 Comments
Mood: Cut a Bitch.
I Hear: Steam rising.

femmeemo I sat outside and watched the stars. May 11th, 2011 5:11:34 pm - Subscribe

Or the satelites.

I'm not picky.

I'm excited for my new job. It will be a change of pace if nothing else. I am bored at work again. No youth in what, weeks?

I've gotten in to a routine of being paid to watch an episode fo Doctor Who and spend copius amounts of time devoted to my writing.

It is growing. I am growing. I look forward to one day being able to say that everything has worked out well.

The boy is taking measures to be a good boy.
He even washed dishes last night, and made me dessert whilst I watched SVU.
I enjoy him, I wouldn't trade him in.

Mostly.
Mostly I want kettle corn, cold tea, and to learn how to do a convincing British accent.
Me with the unending wants.
-

0 Comments
Mood: Serene
I Hear: Sprout & the Bean Joanna Newsom

femmeemo To say goodbye. Apr 19th, 2011 4:04:57 pm - Subscribe

To lose someone in your life is exhausting.

Death isn't an easy aquaintance, it seems as soon as you get to know its' cold icy hands, it's always knocking on your door.

I am exhausted. I am depleted. i am hopeful.

I have a disgusting need to ink my body- and not the funds to do so. Perhaps in the fall.

My life is a flailing thing.
I am incredibly... indifferent.

The man in my life and I talked last night. I love him. I won't tell him just yet- but I do. We are trying this fun new thing called financial accountability.

Budgets.
Sounds like fun, huh kids?

I see the future. It is a bright, and overwhelming place.

Are you there God,
It's me Andrea.
-

0 Comments
Mood: Psychotic
I Hear: Said the Whale

femmeemo We lookin' for you. Feb 28th, 2011 5:17:34 pm - Subscribe

I am so frustrated. Car accident in which I was not at fault and now that stupid bitch is claiming I didn't stop. Lady. You have full coverage. It was icy. ICY. Why are you not taking responsibilty.

Its only me that gets fucked. Face down, ass up.

Turns out thats' the way the fucking world loves to see me.

I have no car- overwhelming debt. I am losing it. LOSING IT. Losing my motherfucking mind. This is the most expensive month of the year and everything is crashing down hard. FUCK. Please give me a chance to catch up. I really wouldn't be opposed to vasnishing.

POOF

Gone. I just need it to balance.
-

2 Comments
Mood: Depressed as Fuck.
I Hear: Intruder Song.

femmeemo My feet are cold. Feb 13th, 2011 5:15:10 pm - Subscribe

Both figuratively and literally.

I am a creature of habit- I like schedules, and routines. I like being places where I feel comfortable- and I like have a cemented support system. My awkward tendancies leave me feeling stressed; this move is going to kill me.

I feel alienated at work.

I feel insecure in myself.

I feel.

I feel less apathetic than ever- which is terrifying in and of itself. Feeling leads to feeling depressed. Right? Or is this how life is supposed to be? Why is this so much stress. Why can't I be one of those people that can just go with the flow- who just adapt with changes and embrace it.

Someone once told me that change is neither good, nor bad. Change simply is.

Somehow it made me feel better- but now the ambiguity...

...its too much.
-

0 Comments
Mood: Unmotivated.
I Hear: Postal Service.

adamson it's a process Jan 30th, 2011 10:52:47 am - Subscribe
Still reading. Writing. But off of the silly crap.



Ah. *refers to title*


For your time:



Future Sound of London - Smokin' Japanese Babe
0 Comments
Mood: ___

femmeemo Waiting on hold. Jan 29th, 2011 3:13:49 pm - Subscribe

I am beyond irritated.
So fucking irritated.
I am tired of payments bouncing, and bills not getting paid. I am slowly breaking into a million peices because I owe so much damn money.

Telus, Bell, TD Insurance, Rent, VISA, VISA, Rogers, Shaw, EPCOR.

Paycheck comes, and its gone before it touches my bank account. I can't afford to eat. Let alone pay down my debt. Gas in my car? A luxury I cannot afford.

I am drowning. I am drowning.
And it seems like every step forward I take, another brick fucking wall gets thrown in my face.

Fuck me.
Fuck me.
Fuck me.
-

0 Comments
Mood: Depleted.
I Hear: Tears.

femmeemo Drama in fantasy. Jan 23rd, 2011 5:47:43 pm - Subscribe

I am caught up in a world in which completely consumes me.

It is fictional.

It is filled with drama and heartbreak.
Fear, and death.
Hurt, hope and hard-feelings.

My head is split seven ways. And it hurts.
It hurts so badly.

My butt is wet. My car is free. My head is FUCKED.
-


0 Comments
Mood: tired.
I Hear: whining.

femmeemo Bob-omb. Dec 21st, 2010 6:50:05 pm - Subscribe

I'm finally feeling good about Christmas.
I feel like I'll make it.

Everything will be okay- I will be able to survive the new year.
I forgot how much I miss the old staff at work- this week has been greatly needed. Filled with dildo zuchinni's, asian pyrogies, 'chocolate rain', watching movies, free food, and the general consensus that the new staff suck.

I love Charlie Brown's Christmas. I feel like I somehow wish for a CB Christmas everyyear and then get too wrapped up in the commercialism of it all.

This year I have no tree. I have no real solid Christmas.

I am divided to fifty different family functions with my factioned family.
I am torn and twisted.
I am pleased at the amount of free food I shall have.

I am irresponsible, and have too many options.
I am hiding from finishing my Christmas shopping.
I really need to sort me out.

Santa. This year- all I want is some self-clarity. Some clear self-reflection.
Please Santa...

-

0 Comments
Mood: Foolish
I Hear: Too many XxXmas songs

femmeemo I regret my username. Dec 14th, 2010 12:59:30 pm - Subscribe

Everytime I login in- and yet- when I think about deleting my account, making a new one and forgiving the wreck that I used to be- and still am...

I can't do it.

I am confused about what the next four months will hold. I am cold- and fuzzy.


Everything seems like it will pan out and then- I can't help but worry about the ramifications of my actions if I go through with things. It just seems so...

Easy? And yet like such a cop-out.
I fear change- and this is the biggest problem.

I am avoiding going home because it is so filthy I don't know where to start cleaning- and I can't sit there and just leave it and so... I stay out late and only come home to sleep. Or sleep on friends couches. Or the fiends' bed.
I want a Christmas tree.

I want shiny lights.
I want.
I want not to want anymore.
-

0 Comments
Mood: Needy
I Hear: The restroom door said 'Gentlemen'.

femmeemo I know how you'll die... Dec 6th, 2010 5:13:46 pm - Subscribe

It doesn't feel like Christmas. I really want a tree. I miss lights and a clean house and soft shitty jazzy Christmas music. I miss having proper snow.

I am just so...

Not in the Christmas spirit. I am happy though. I feel like everything is slowly falling apart. Falling apart and into a jumbled heap of sense.

I think I know what I'm gonna have to do.
I dream of a quiet one bedroom house, with a Christmas Tree and no cat to mulitate boxsprings, and toilet paper. No more kitty litter pieces on my bed...

I am tired. I am fighting. I am.
A poinsetta.
Beautiful to look at- toxic to eat.
-

1 Comments
Mood: Icy.
I Hear: Patrick Watson.

femmeemo Words mean nothing. Nov 2nd, 2010 2:18:03 pm - Subscribe

Words mean nothing.

Especially when those words aren't even spoken.
-

0 Comments
Mood: Wretched.
I Hear: tick.tick.facial tick.

adamson Max Ehrmann - Desiderata Oct 30th, 2010 11:50:59 am - Subscribe


Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.


The Durutti Column - Katherine
1 Comments
Mood: ._.

femmeemo VomitHACKHACKcrycry Oct 2nd, 2010 10:46:45 pm - Subscribe

What the fuck.


I am so angry. I am SO ANGRY. SO MOTHERFUCKING ANGRY.

Crying doesn't even make it feel better. I am so fucking tired of this. I wish people would stop fuckig talking. I'm tired of being happy for people who could give a flying fuck if I even exist. I'm tired of EXPLAINING my sorry ass to EVERYONE.

I am fine. I will BE fine. FINEFINEFINEFINEFINEFINEFINEFINEFINEFINEFINEFINEFINISHEDFINE.

LEAVE ME ALONE.

Except you.

You owe me. A life, a story, a kiss, a fucking happily ever after. Sex and Candy. Thats' what my life has turned into.

Sweat and Sugar.

Calories and curled fists.

I am premenstral. That would explain the fucking tears, and the hatred. Noone can do anything right. I'm tired of the filthy apartment, and I want stability. I want two years ago.

Blissful ignorance.

I miss living a life uninterrupted.
-

0 Comments
Mood: Fuck.
I Hear: FUCKKK.

femmeemo I used to know the name of every person I'd kissed. Sep 23rd, 2010 3:58:21 pm - Subscribe

Now I made this bed and I can't fall asleep in it.

---------


I am exhausted. And I have seemingly given up the fight. The ability to fight for injustice. I just simply live. I wake up, go to work, eat, go home, eat, see the boy that is mildly indifferent, go to bed alone.

I live in the eye of the storm, living a life that is neither fantastic, nor horrific. I would like to say that I am happy, but I'm slowly becoming fed up. I'm tired of all these stupid expectations.

I want to go home at the end of a shitty day and partake in some bed shaking. I long to walk around stark naked. I desire to be admired, and to do the things I like without fear of judgement.

Reading my shitty comic books

Drinking my sugarfree hot cider

Watching silly depressing movies

Listening to my music

Playing silly RPG videogames

I want. I want. I WANT. WANTWANTWANWTAWATWNAWNANWANT.

I want sleep. I want new tires. I want sex. I want solitude and friendship and acceptance and hesitations and no more debt and bigger paychecks and Fantastia and Chicken Noodle Soup and love.

Ac-Cent-Tchu-Ate the positive...
-


1 Comments
Mood: Starving
I Hear: Brand New.

adamson Thomas Dolby - Windpower Sep 2nd, 2010 6:40:04 pm - Subscribe


this >>>> 'She Blinded Me With Science'
0 Comments
Mood: paralyzed

adamson Durutti Column - Never Known Aug 24th, 2010 11:05:26 pm - Subscribe


I can't stop thinking about a certain person and how they're... not here.
0 Comments
Mood: tearful

adamson my optimism and short-lived zeal for life Aug 22nd, 2010 1:50:07 am - Subscribe
was just that - short-lived.

This coming school year is going to be hell. I'm already dreading the thought.
0 Comments
Mood: I hate things.

adamson picture post Aug 21st, 2010 11:52:43 am - Subscribe










favorite model





the last two are of prince's house.








































sources:
_refuse, ontd, randompictures livejournals
myspace (judge me later)
random assorted tumblrs
0 Comments
Mood: impatient

adamson my family and their concepts of feminity Aug 2nd, 2010 2:59:26 pm - Subscribe
Since I have become an adult (or rather, one that is of the age of majority), I have decided to take self-styling into my own hands. I do not live alone, however, and therefore I have to adhere to the demands of my mother, even though I am not intending to do anything 'wild' or 'crazy'.

I have decided to:

  • style my hair as I would like it, as naturally as possible
  • not wear makeup, with the exception of eyeliner and/or mascara (when I am in the mood)
  • not wear accessories that are made using animal products (such as leather, wool, or fur)
  • avoid products that are made in places in which wage slavery is used


Many of these things are things that I already do, but styling my own hair naturally is a new endeavor. My mother doesn't agree with this, and has described my naturally-grown, healthy hair by names that have been given to those of racial caricatures. An insulting thing about this is that my mother (and my aunt, who acts as if she is my second mother) likes the hairstyle just fine, but would like if I used extensions to 'feminize' the look.
I realize that my hair is not as long as what is socially acceptable, but I refuse to wear any type of extensions that would be used to accentuate a look that is already finely done with my own hair.

Other members of my family also describe my methods of dress and accessory usage as less than feminine. Femininity, to me at least, is not described as the use of excess to achieve some sort of conventional vain appearance. I do not need larger earrings, makeup, higher heels, or longer hair to appear to be the feminine being that I already am.
0 Comments
Mood: miserable

femmeemo Beauty in the breakdown. Jul 28th, 2010 6:05:42 pm - Subscribe

It seems like I don't have anything world altering, or thrilling to share. I feel like my life should be snappier.

We live in a world of Current Facebook Updates, and Tweets and yet my life just plods along.

Unlike high school self, sort-of-grown-up-self is not thrilled by every wayward glance, nor is she half as hopeful for a perfect relationship, and no financial worries, and a beautiful home and a great job and the right clothes. She is more realistic than that.

She doesn't have a snappy update for twitter every hour on the hour. Her facebook profile doesn't make me happy, nor sad.

I am average. She is average. Average. Why is that word so devastating? So- unsettling? And yet, if average is just that... then by standard... what is extraordinary?

I am not special. Not really. My interests, my knowledge, is shared by hundreds. Likely more than that. My genetics are slightly unique, but I am just parts of others.

I am me. Which happens to be pretty average.
Perhaps a little more introverted than most.
But wholly uninteresting.
-

1 Comments
Mood: Beautiful.
I Hear: Remy Zero - Fair

adamson 'watching roman holiday again' Jul 28th, 2010 12:13:53 am - Subscribe
Every time I watch this movie, I marvel at how beautiful Gregory Peck is. He is so damn gorgeous. I just don't understand it.
And that voice..... I'm just dying here!



I take so many screenshots impulsively when I watch this movie. Goodness.
0 Comments
Mood: :D