I won't actually do it.

Jan 25th, 2011 6:43:23 pm - Subscribe
Mood: trapped

I simply do not feel good enough to coexist with the rest of humanity.

I thought this semester would be easier. It's not. Every day is a struggle for me. It wasn't always this difficult. I either had people or drugs helping me along the way. Anymore I have to argue with myself just to get out of bed. I cry through every assignment. I bang my head through all the readings and no matter how hard I work, it's not good enough. I'm not as intelligent as everyone else. I don't pick up on things as easily. To make matters worse, I can't stop criticizing myself. I would stand up for myself and work harder next time, but I don't like myself and I don't feel like I'm capable of what others are.

This is why I want to die.

Hear me out. I'm suffering. Yes, I know other people have it much worse than I do but if they are suffering as much as I am, perhaps they should kill themselves as well. If they have hope for a better future, then maybe they should tough it out but my future doesn't seem all that bright. I really don't have all that much to live for. I have no goals, no direction and frankly, life scares the shit out of me.

It's selfish. Sure, the people who had a part in the way I turned out will feel like failures. My facebook friends will write on my wall about how they're going to miss me, then bring up some event where I made them laugh and insist that those times didn't have to end. People will feel guilty for all the things they could have done for me. Others will have a constant feeling that something is missing, knowing that I was always there if and when they needed me.

But is it really selfish to want to end my misery? Or is it selfish of them to want me to continue living through this hell that I've created? When someone dies of cancer, we grieve, but we also acknowledge that we should rejoice since their pain has come to an end. Why should my loved ones not rejoice when my illness ultimately kills me?

It seem kind of petty to want to kill yourself over class or an assignment. But not really. Emotions are amplified and everything seems impossible. I can't seem to accomplish anything anymore. Going to the store is enough to send me into cardiac arrest. I've experienced self-medication and that came to a screeching halt for various reasons. I can't go to class without valium, I can't see my parents without klonopin, I can't sleep without a bowl and I can't study without adderal. I had it all worked out but I couldn't afford it anymore. Plus it's kind of illegal and frowned upon by loved ones.

So here I am. I want to die. I won't do it. If I was going to do it, I would have done it by now. I just wish I knew what to do. I can't talk to people who care about me because they all say the same things, begging me not to do it for their own selfish reasons. I can't talk to a professional because I would end up at a hospital or a police station.

There is nothing society can do for the suicidal. Maybe we should just allow them to relieve themselves of such misery.

But seriously kids, don't do it.

---

Goalz

Jan 24th, 2011 8:27:17 am - Subscribe

Things have to change. From now on each day will be different.

Between 6 am and 10 pm, I will not spend more than an hour in bed.
I will go to bed before midnight.
I will make a meal out of one fresh fruit or vegetable.
I will not exceed ten cigarettes.
I will make time to roll around in nip with Puzzle.
I will not skip class, no matter how nervous or unprepared I am.
I will complete at least one household task.
I will not smoke pot to cure a minor headache, stomach ache, cramps or loneliness.
I will spend at least an hour on homework.
I will have one conversation where I do not talk about myself.
I will not beg people to spend time with me.
I will consume at least one meal.
I will spend at least fifteen minutes on my hair.
I will go on a walk no matter how tired or scared I feel.
I will not make unreasonable goals.
I will stick to my goals.

---

Sunday Dinner

Jan 21st, 2011 6:20:52 pm - Subscribe
Mood: famished

The longing still won't go away. I decided a long time ago that if I could change, things could go back to the way they were. Unfortunately my changes have sent me deeper into isolation. Farther away from those I thought I loved.

I can't help but wonder if those were actual changes or just mistakes. I feel like the same me, just alone. I'm off the pills. I'm miles away from the house that caused my destruction.

I still sleep for unreasonable hours. I stare at Xu longingly, pleading for someone to hold. My insulin reaction style diet gives me tummy aches. My unfinished paintings remind me that I'll never be.

Bland routines
Misery
Self-destruct
Don't mind me.

If I had the funding to see my nephew on a regular basis, I know I would be happier. I don't even know what my niece looks like. Kenny knows babies scare me. I'm still curious.

Plush creatures remind me that I'm not missed.

Too much of a failure to write the note.

I wish I was worth the effort.

---

Sparkle Marshmellow

Jan 20th, 2011 2:36:32 pm - Subscribe
Mood: Created

I don't even feel it anymore.
Today was a blur.
Things happened but did they really happen?
It could have been a dream.
I was sleepy.
Class was odd.
I want to forget my stupidity.
I want to forget the hurt looks.
Done.
That's when it all happened.
A sense of belonging
he didn't notice.
Here after the stop-frame car ride
stop-frame lines
observing surroundings.
Commence Tetris dream.

---

Illness

Jan 13th, 2011 1:10:50 pm - Subscribe
Mood: abnormal

It has been several days since my last hit. The detox has been absolute hell. Being around people makes me want to cry. Being alone makes me cry. Bullshit on TV makes me want to vomit. Smoking and eating make me vomit. I cut off one needy, dependent loser for another needy, dependent not-so-much-of-a-loser. He follows me around like a puppy and won't let me be in a room by myself. I'm sure he's afraid I'll hurt myself but his presence makes me anxious. I'm not so sure that I have feelings for him but he kisses me anyway, causing even more violent shaking. His existence reminds me that I'm not ready for any kind of human contact. I know I wanted him at one time but now I'm terrified, knowing he holds the cards, completely vulnerable to him. Beaten down so many times that attempts towards comfort feel condescending. Any form of companionship at this point can only be a result of pity. No one actually wants to be around me.

I'm crying right now. Just typing this. I can't keep my face from leaking. The idea of leaving the house to buy books or to have a cigarette seems equivalent to jumping into a fiery pit.

I know I'm being dramatic. I wish this was for my own enjoyment. I don't want to cry. I don't want to be afraid. I don't want to be alone but I can't be around anyone right now. Text messages send me into an unreasonable panic. I wish my demeanor would drive him out the door but here he sits, making light of my condition. Finding clever ways to touch my neck, laughing at the way I scream and flail. Rubbing my back so I won't smoke, permitting my need to pull my teeth out, one by one.

Painting is comforting but it makes me sleepy. I wind up in bed for hours haunted by dreams of rape and murder. Wake up choking and coughing on my own screams, too scared to go out for that cigarette, too angry with myself to eat. Water tastes like anorexia.

Jonesing for the pills that put me here. The phone is over there. I'm too tired to make that call. Too tired for class. Too tired for life. Too cold and scared to come out from under the blankets. I'm missing out on my life.

Welcome to my hell. This is only the half of it. I'm too tired to finish. Please pray for me. Pray that this kills me tonight.

---

Corners

Jan 10th, 2011 1:06:06 pm - Subscribe
Mood: starving

Just lay there and jerk off while I curl up into a ball.
I don't even want it anymore.
Sorry I don't have big tits.
My other boyfriend is texting and I don't have a ride.
Just keep wacking.
I'll never finish with you, anyway.
You're hot but you make me want to throw up.
I just wish I was with him.
At least he can get it up.
At least he brushes his teeth.
No more pills...sure.
None for me either while you're at it.
Let's end the drama with your ex by making me your ex as well.
This always happens.
It's time to go back to school.

---

What's it going to be then, eh?

Jan 6th, 2011 7:12:52 pm - Subscribe
Mood: changed

My being is a product of free will
but my brain is completely mechanistic.
malleate
mold
manage
modify
manipulate
None of this is me. I was not born with a purpose, a mission, an obligation.
I am a piece of clay.
Whatever the world wants me to be, that is who I become.
Shaped to fit with you.
So simple. Just don't make me choose.
Don't force me to make a mature decision.
Don't rush this.
Let me have my fun.
I love you but you will lose.
This is so much easier with your pills.
Society did this to me.
My family did this to me.
Pills did this to me.
My responsibility is to let go because I cannot control my actions.
I have a choice and that choice is to not choose.
I choose mechanism.

---

Merry Fucking Christmas

Dec 24th, 2010 5:46:14 pm - Subscribe

Dear Mom,

I don't know why I expect anything different every year. I figured this year would be less stressful for you since you don't have to impress your rival/sister, Carol. I did not think four days at your house would be absolute hell even though I am trying to quit smoking.

I don't understand why you have to make it a point to stress yourself out over your children and your mother. These people are your family and they should not judge you. If they stress you out this badly, maybe it's time to stop hosting Christmas dinner. You're going out of your way, making everyone miserable so that everything can be perfect Christmas day. This is completely unnecessary because if you truly gave a shit about making me happy, you wouldn't be acting like a royal bitch right now.

Please do not refer to Kenny, Gina and Braxton as my "relatives." Kenny is my brother. Referring to him as a relative adds the negative connotation that you created for that word. I do not need to impress Kenny or his wife or his infant son with my cleaning habits and you don't either. I am not white trash and if he thinks I am he can go to hell. Why? Because he's my fucking brother. Also, you don't need to scold me for my language or manners in front of "company." I am around Lucas' girlfriend on a regular basis and I happen to know that she belches louder than I.

If you turn on any more of those fucking singing plastic Christmas figurines that you find so goddamn amusing, I swear I will slit my throat in front of the entire family and it will be the most merry fucking christmas of my entire life.

Go to hell, mom. I'm never coming home for Christmas again. I'm tired of the family making excuses for why you're so fucking psychotic and why it's okay that you scream at me and criticize me for no goddamn reason. I'm done with your fucking cinnamon candles and your dry, assy cookies. Try having some real fucking food when I come home instead of slapping my hand and calling me fat when I try to eat something that you're saving for Christmas. We're going to be eating leftovers anyway so I don't see what the big damn deal is.

Everything has to be perfect. Everything except you.

---

Wilson Xu

Dec 22nd, 2010 11:52:19 pm - Subscribe
Mood: Altered

I'm in a strange room, the one I grew up in. I'm on a strange drug, the one that is starting to feel like home. I'm not in love, but I want him to love me. The skeletal cat sleeps at my feet like my kitty, though she never has before. I'm confused. I'm home. I'm away from home. Memories are mixing with the strange reality that is my current life.
Xu, Aust, Mom, Nichols, Clem, Eric, Brax. Who?

New reality. I am never not stoned.
I guess I'm always cold these days.

---

The skyline of Hays is only dirt on my window.

Dec 20th, 2010 12:51:55 am - Subscribe
Mood: addicted

I love the intensity. The strange adventures and weed. For some reason his gauges and tattoos turn me on. Actually those are the only things that turn me on about him. He's fucking hot. He has a great body and rugged features that would have made me so horny as a kid. I'm sure a lot of stupid girls would fight me for him. Unfortunately, I'm no longer fifteen.

He was my teenage dream, Katy Perry. Every once in a while when I'm totally bored with him, I try to imagine how teen Rachel would have felt to be with him but I can only see it from the outside. Some pathetic, skinny girl who feels sorry for herself and some 30 year old kid trying to make her feel special.

Creepy.

God I'm glad he snores. It's like a special alarm clock that brings you back to reality. Sometimes I wish I could just be stupid so I could be happy with someone like him. Perhaps I could smoke myself into such a state.

---

The F Word

Dec 17th, 2010 4:25:01 pm - Subscribe
Mood: abnormal

Too many second chances. I hate it when people are mad at me. I want to disappear into the background. I'd rather fail than ask for help.

I have no excuse. I've maxed out the beta but I just keep playing. Waiting. Professor Milton Clodbottle, you will be the death of me with your neopets version of farmville.

Dreams are my only escape from the loneliness and sad faces of my loved ones.

"I'm praying for you."

I won't distract you with my stoned reminiscions of Sugar Ray and Uncle Cracker. I won't distract myself with this irrational longing for my balding professor.

No more second chances, please. Don't sympathize, I don't deserve it. Just let me go. Forget me. Allow me the opportunity to screw up my life. I've tried so hard. Let me succeed at this one thing. Please stop caring about me. Your love hurts.

I've been watching the people around me for several months now. Everyone is high on something. I fall into my teenage habits: "Are you feeling this?"

It's fruitless. Everyone is used to it. No one even knows they're high anymore. No one wonders what is going on. No one wonders about anything. Everyone ignores their surroundings and the feelings they have. They go about their life, the robots that they are, pondering the same things they ponder every day. Nothing is new. Nothing is worth a second thought. They look at you when your mental processes are altered. They look at you all the time.

You wonder why I live my life in a state of fear?

I must be like them. I must find someone to reboot my brain and help me think like everyone else. I used to be unique. I used to be the brightest bulb, the free-thinker. Now I'm just a nuisance and a total waste of human life and everyone is sick of it.

How long has this been going on?

---

Eddie Haskell

Dec 15th, 2010 4:06:22 am - Subscribe

Since August I haven't raised my voice. I haven't thrown anything. I admit that I've made mistakes, and I've shown too much emotion on occasion. I've kissed his ass, paid for things I couldn't afford, begged for small amounts of time in his presence.

I've been the opposite of the person he dumped four months ago. I couldn't be a good girlfriend so I've tried my damnedest to be an awesome friend.

I've done everything I could to hang on to my last friend.

My attempts have gone unnoticed. He still sees the irrational bitch who threw her computer charger at him when he didn't invite her on a walk. He sees the child who walked out on him, packed up her things and couldn't seem to make up her mind as to whether or not he filled her hearts.

Now that he holds the cards, the roles have been reversed. He's the one who gets angry and critical over minor misunderstandings. He's the one jumping to conclusions over misread text messages. I'm now the one constantly apologizing when I'm not even sure I did anything wrong. I bite my tongue when he's being a jerk and refuse to mention his past mistakes while mine are constantly on display. He pokes at the open wound, knowing but ignoring the fact that I'm still unable to forgive myself for everything I did.

He no longer deserves my respect. He has never been worth crying over. He has always been selfish and without a care in the world for anyone but himself. He has never given me any indication otherwise so I cannot, for the life of me, figure out why I let my expectations exceed his limits.

I made mistakes. I saw the consequences for my mistakes. I understand what I did wrong. Though I knew I could never repair what I destroyed, my apology would begin by constructing a better version of myself.

It's just a shame that I didn't hit ctrl + s before he kicked me while I was in the beginning stages.

---

Finals Week

Dec 12th, 2010 5:31:23 pm - Subscribe

The logic of every important person in my life couldn't save me now.The most articulate people have attempted to talk me down. I run through lists of all the reasons to stay alive. Each blessing seems like a tiny piece of lint on the blanket of misery that covers me. Thoughts of graduating seem futile. My plans will surely fail. A tiny person takes my drugs away and informs me "Train."

My little dude makes me smile. He is the only person who loves me for no reason at all. He doesn't expect me to graduate, nor does he care how much debt I have accumulated. All he wants is for me to be the person he knows and remembers each time he sees me. He wants me to be myself and to teach him new words. He is the only person in the world who wants nothing more than to make me smile.

It's a shame he'll never know how important he is and what a difference he made in Crazy Aunt Rachel's life. It's a shame he won't always have such low expectations.

---

xxXxx

Nov 29th, 2010 4:30:58 pm - Subscribe
Mood: cuddly

I know this is not what I want.
But it's easier to say "goodbye" this way.

I've never been closer.

So long to everything I thought I wanted.

I don't blame you for any of this.

---

Valium Colored Skies

Nov 27th, 2010 4:38:29 pm - Subscribe
Mood: tranquil

We'll try our kiss again tonight. I caught you off guard. Let me rest in the thought of finishing what needs to be done. Tomorrow will be my reality check. I'm clean. I'm dressed. I'm ready to go. I just have to wait for you. I need your full attention. I can't wait for you to hold me.

I won't eat. I don't want to counteract the current bliss in which I reside. I'm cold and wet. I should go to that reception.

---

nar wan mi gasseo

Nov 24th, 2010 4:43:54 pm - Subscribe

I've been losing long tracks of time since I started hanging out with Keli. Blame what you will. I have my scapegoats. I'm slightly reminded of the time that I first discovered sex. No one could contact me. People were always upset.

I imagine this is probably a little more frightening. My entire break is almost over and I don't have a page written for class. This is how all my papers tend to go. This time I've been avoiding it in a different way. I have no idea when I finally went to bed but there is no excuse for waking at 4:30 pm. None. I feel like they're going to publish this blog as a cautionary tale like Go Ask Alice. These are probably my last days of madness. I wish I could pay someone to write this paper for me. I've always had trouble writing anything that doesn't pertain to drugs or sex.

---

Lies and Paranoia

Nov 23rd, 2010 8:41:47 pm - Subscribe
Mood: Scattered

Klonopin has trapped me into bliss.
I know tomorrow I will have to come down.
I missed two days.
Time is moving faster than I am.
How to buy more time.
Relaxation has a price.
I'm at a loss.
I wish I could ask questions but it's too late.
I must screw this up on my own.
Why is this so difficult?

---

Study Break

Nov 22nd, 2010 4:24:32 pm - Subscribe

Watch a fire during the panic.
This shit is laced.
Please hold me.
Why can't I speak?
I wish you thought I was pretty.
We could go stare at a cow.
Or we could fucking make out.

Drowsy, drowsy, I lost control, over-corrected.
The flashing lights, my reality.
Please don't arrest me, sir.
No problem. Run along then.
Cardiac arrest.
Cardiac seizure.

I left my pipe and my heart at your house.
Shan is cleaning.
Shan is not happy.
Time to get out of bed.

---

Late Night Pissiness

Nov 20th, 2010 12:43:27 am - Subscribe

I smoke way too much these days. Time to sell.

My uninsured brother broke his shoulder. My ex spent the evening trying to teach me the Korean alphabet. An old friend called to let me know that her life is still more exciting than mine. I'm still jonesing for someone severely out of my league. Old men dig me. Noises from the basement keep scaring me and Xu.

These are some phrases I could go the rest of my life never hearing again:

"Do you want to write my paper?"

No, Megan. I don't want to write your fucking paper even though it is likely that the required length is fewer than three pages and your dumbass elementary education instructor probably doesn't expect decent grammar, spelling or sentence structure from someone who is going to be wiping snot off of kids' faces for a living.Though I am sure that I am fully capable of writing your paper, in addition to the numerous papers I plan on writing for m own classes, I will not since you are only asking because you lack the necessary mindset to create any possible conversation aside from your miniscule assignments.

"You realize they don't use real meat, right?"

I don't give a shit how fast-food establishments prepare food. I don't care if KFC deep fried a fucking rat or if there was a finger in your Subway sandwich. I am so tired of food related horror stories. Yeah, rats urinate on soda cans and inspectors at tomato sauce plants allow an unsettling sauce/maggot ratio but what the fuck else am I supposed to eat? I'm not going to grow my own goddamn corn and extract the oil myself so I can deep fry my home-grown potatoes. Aside from the horror stories, what's the deal with everything not being "real" meat? I don't care if my greasy cheeseburger is made out of cow or textured soy product. Soy is better for you anyway. Plus, buying meatlike products is fucking expensive. *See Morningstar* I don't understand why people feel it necessary to point out that eating fast food is bad. No one ever hassles me about my steady diet of ramen noodles but heaven forbid I mention buying bologna or a tv dinner. "They don't even use real meat." a) Yes they do. b) What fucking difference does it make if they don't? People really need to think about what they're saying before they go around spouting off random "facts" about food, which our government has a tendency to regulate from time to time. Most of the time people's "It's not meat" bullshit isn't worth the effort to say or type. If people think I'm actually going to change my lifestyle for their petty (and likely made-up) cause, they better have some fucking horrifying facts because I've eaten some pretty nasty shit in certain circumstances. It's going to take a lot more to convince me not to eat delicious fast-food.

Stoners, health nuts, Megan, please shut the fuck up. You make Rachel unhappy and she should be sleeping. Not only are you wasting her time, but you're wasting the time of her reader(s).

---

To all you out there tonight

Nov 16th, 2010 10:14:45 pm - Subscribe

Please be honest. Save me the disappointment. Tell me the truth so I can stop making a fool of myself. End your silence. End this all. Give it to me hard this time.

End.

---

We can't fix her.

Nov 14th, 2010 1:29:11 am - Subscribe

I don't know what I did to cause everyone to give up on me. I've driven everyone away with every attempt to keep them close. Everyone I've ever cared about moved far away from me. Xanax calms the nerves but it won't bring my loved ones back. It won't retract my mistakes. It won't stop the tears. It won't keep me warm.

I've caused so much.
I've cost so much.

This is clarity. My existence is meaningless. I'll wake up, go about my day, my mind too clouded to know I need to go.

Vengeful slumber. Torturous depictions of the past. Fall calmly into another day.

---

Doin the Cockroach

Nov 10th, 2010 9:07:13 pm - Subscribe

I stayed home from school because I bleached my brain after all the madness.

This has been such a slow process. I wish I could say I'm content. The loneliness comes in strange cycles. My thought processes make little sense. I've been on an endless search for a new boyfriend but I push potential candidates away over minor things. I'm making progress, I swear. I'm sure these things usually take time. Two months is a normal recovery period for something like this, right?

I have to admit my life seems much easier now. I don't miss the fights. I don't miss his constant dishonesty. I'm glad my delusions have faded. My previous worries look like ants from up here. I'm glad I'm single. I have all the time in the world to finish things I've started. If my friends call me in the middle of the night inviting me to get high, I have little holding me back. I easily disregard reasons not to sleep with anyone who offers. I can lust over anyone and not feel compelled to confess or push the thoughts away.

This life is less expensive, easier, less emotionally draining. Xu and I have all kinds of special moments.

No expectations.
No disappointments.
No pain.

My blue prints for a snugglebot are coming along nicely. Xu is enrolled in fighting lessons to combat the bad guys in my dreams.

It's still not enough, though.

I want exactly what I had, only with a better foundation.

I suggested that Xu pick out his dad this time. He doesn't want anyone but Mommy*.


*Or anyone else who give him food, nip and a piece of food in his fresh water.

---

Broken Heater

Nov 5th, 2010 8:10:23 am - Subscribe
Mood: dejected

I keep having dreams where I'm being raped.
It makes my mornings frightening and kind of sick.
I can't take a shower without accidentally tearing scabs off. Trying not to scratch at the burning, stinging sensation of the water pouring over the prolonged abrasions.
I've had a cold since August.
I've gained weight.
Xu won't even sleep in the same room.
Loneliness has become a disease. The symptoms make the cure more difficult to find.

---

This is Halloween

Nov 1st, 2010 1:48:42 am - Subscribe

Our lie comes to life when you're not around.
Touch me
over and over and tell me I'm not the best you ever had.
I dare you.
Why can't I forget you?
Even when others lay their hands on me.
I want your hate.
I want your indifference.
Fuck me.
I wont blame you tonight.
I won't fall in love tonight.
Fuck me.
Just be with me tonight.
I want to feel tonight.
Let me feel tonight.

---

Immitation Illness

Oct 30th, 2010 6:11:26 pm - Subscribe

Waking up hurts again.
Inhaling smoke makes me vomit.
Sex is exhausting and nauseating.
Memories are best ignored.
I'm sorry I can't be of more use.

---

Public Speaking

Oct 28th, 2010 12:55:37 pm - Subscribe

I shake when I think about it. My arms and legs turn red and bubble up into large white welts. No one else seems affected by it. I can't convince myself that I'm ready. I'll never be ready at this point. If I had a better slide show, I'd feel more confident but I just can't find any information.

I know it will be over soon. Tomorrow night can't come soon enough. Alcohol will make this go away but all I have for the next 30 hours is a pain in my stomach and a thousand ridiculous fears. This will not help me with my presentation.

Please don't laugh at me.

---

Because at one point

Oct 25th, 2010 6:52:14 pm - Subscribe

Your wife was just like me. Someone young. Something new. Someone exciting.

And then she turned into who I want to be.

---

This is my last blog post

Oct 21st, 2010 9:45:15 pm - Subscribe
Mood: vacant

about how badly I need to get laid.

---

My Dearest Hipster Friend

Oct 20th, 2010 12:58:06 pm - Subscribe
Mood: lovesick

I wish you were here so I could see what a douche you are in real life. You've been tricking me lately. You have convinced me that you have things to talk about besides how great you are. I cross the mind of someone with the busiest of lives. You pay the slightest attention to me. Congrats. I want you more than anyone right now.

Now fuck off.

We've been talking for years now. Mostly about you. I've heard about all your achievements, your failed relationships, your overly protective parents, your pathetic theories. Only recently have you taken any interest in me. You've always told me that I'm beautiful but there is so much I never revealed to you. But you never ask so you'll probably never know.

I suppose I could continue lying. It will be our little secret. I know your feelings for me are limited. You would actually read this if you cared.

Funny, you're too vain to know who you are.

---

No, really. I'll post it this time.

Oct 18th, 2010 11:49:14 pm - Subscribe
Mood: love

It's nothing plastic surgery won't fix.

May I please kiss the next person I fuck?

Every time we pass our stories back and forth, our two main characters fall in love. We change the setting and the plot but we always end up expressing our desires through the fiction.

It's getting lame.

Pirate bay is down. *shakes*
need.illegal.downloads

I can't belong to anyone.

He still defragments my life.

No more phone sex tonight, m'dear. My masty ended long ago.

So many red dots. I want some more.

Plafl mspllngs ftw!!!1!

Is there really a polite way to ask to borrow someone's nipple clamps?

So much crime occurring tonight. Flashing Lights lights lights.

---