Sorry Hays

Aug 7th, 2010 6:10:57 pm - Subscribe
Mood: secure

I moved here three years ago. I remember sleeping in this very room, several weeks before school started. I drove to Hays to visit Laura in the hospital, to buy my books, to drop off some stuff in my new dorm room, to find a laptop, to escape the endless fighting. I painted pictures to pass the time while I was alone at my brother's house. Squirrel Explosion and Shannon's tree, both left on their (now my) refrigerator. I never thought I'd move in to this house.

One of my friends from high school came to Hays as well. We get together every few months. I made friends in the dorm but they have all moved. There are two people in this town who still attempt to spent time with me. I avoid them both. It seems that everyone that I want to see is located in eastern Kansas or Colorado. I haven't seen my favorite brother in over a year. Fucking Megan gets to see my nephew more often than I do. I'm missing out on the most exciting portion of his development. I don't feel like an aunt at all. I feel like a loser who can't figure out what to do anymore.

This town has little to offer anymore. I'm hundreds of miles away from everything. I laughed when a stranger asked about the nearest Starbucks. This town is a hint of civilization surrounded by ghost towns and untouched land. It kills me that I once defended this town. My friends would complain that there is nothing to do and that it was full of conservative rednecks and religious nuts. I took offense since I am clearly neither and I could always find something to do.

Now I sigh and accept the truth to their statements. I can no longer find happiness in this small town. I no longer find beauty in the emptiness. The run-down buildings were once inspiration for a creative piece. Now they are as worthless to me as they were to those who abandoned them. Everything has become a monument of failure. A symbol of missed opportunities and unfortunate circumstance. There is so little keeping me here. It's likely that I won't find happiness elsewhere but at least I can stop resenting this poor town.

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