Three Days of Rain

Apr 18th, 2009 2:47:00 pm - Subscribe
Mood: enlightened

This happened for a reason. For me to take a different approach, not to move on and forget the situation. The decision made far too many times before. This is a chance to change my ways. Rather than see someone new, I must now become someone new. This is my final chance to be someone more than just a good time. To prove, to myself as well as those involved, that I am not just a quirky experiment. Remaining motionless is frightening and certainly not my first instinctual strategy. Packing up and moving on has been my method of choice since I was a child.

It has reached the time to become the adult. This is God/nature/life/Moon Goddess/karma's way of informing me that I am no longer the baby. She tried to warn me with the child of a sibling but I refused to acknowledge the lesson. New life surrounds me, reminding me of my increasing age. I fear the life of an infant due to the forced awareness that I will no longer be the one receiving all the attention. My fear of children originates from my fear that I am still a child, therefore I could never care for one.

My maternal instincts are detected by few and only observed in times of crisis when I am unable to think clearly. I rarely take care of anyone and usually expect the world to watch over me. Everyone I have ever known has sent someone to look after me as I curiously walk into the unknown.

This is me, placing myself in a situation where I will truly need independence. No one is here to take care of me. I have been preparing for this moment for months now without even realizing it. I have no one to take care of me. I have a strange feeling it will not be as scary as it sounds.

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