When Home Becomes a Strange Place

Jun 15th, 2008 1:40:12 am - Subscribe
Mood: Ouchy

I finally cried. I thought it would make me feel better. I was listening to Rise Against for some godawful reason and I just broke down. Period is making me hormonal as hell. I almost had a panic attack at work but managed to distract myself long enough for it to pass. I hope I don't go nuts at work. That's all I need.

I'll follow your voice.

I wish hope was that easy. Hope might actually be nice at this point. I know the end of my loneliness is near. Why can't I meet someone? You'd think out of all the people in this town I could find one neat person to make me feel special.

Someone other than Jeremy.

Soooo conflicted about that.

I might as well go running back? I won't ever meet anyone who will worship me the way he did. No one will ever love me like that. No one will ever love me, period. That's becoming more and more obvious. Each day bares a constant reminder of how plain I am. I used to think I was special. I lack the strength to laugh at this irony.

Calder told me I looked significantly less fat than I did in college.

(takes moment to rock out to angsty song in towel)

I'd kill to be in love.

Did I just say that?

Ugh. I'm quite torn about this. I know where I stand on the issue. Love, bad. Casual sex, good. But... I'm remembering the mutlitude of furry feelings I got years ago when people said nice things to me. I miss feeling all shy and giddy. I miss relationships before sex.

Now my stomach seriously hurts. I'm going to pretend it's because I'm so nausiated by a previous statement.

Not having someone makes me want to cry.

WTF?

I'm really getting upset with these opposing viewpoints. I finally know what people mean when they talk about their heart and brain disputing. I am actually experiencing this quarrel amongst my organs. I am so pissed right now. This nonsense must come to an end.

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