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Date: Oct 8th, 2004 1:36:32 am - Subscribe
Mood: cheated
crank the tunes: Deckchairs and Cigarettes --> The Thrills
Deckchairs and Cigarettes
by: The Thrills
oh what can you do
with all that surrounds you
so slow down
deckchairs and cigarettes
you said
"lets go to san diego,
cause thats where all the kids go"
just don't change a thing
well the bottom fell out
on our summer
but we knew
what we got ourselves into
you said
"lets go to san diego,
hey thats where all the kids go"
just don't change a thing
lets go to san diego
hey thats where all the kids go
you build me up so high my darlin
you brought me down so low
you know it
you build me up so high my darlin
but brought me down so low
you know it
just don't change a thing...
---------------------------------------------
tonight is such a beautiful night. and yet i'm so.. upset. my new friend is going out with my ex boyfriend, who i still love. sucky situation, but i've had to deal with this feeling for two years. whatever.
sleepy time.
Comments: (1)
wasp dance
Date: Sep 29th, 2004 1:07:56 am - Subscribe
Mood: upset
crank the tunes: Cross My Heart ---> The Rocket Summer
today... i went to universal studios/ioa with caroline. we got there... and then we realized that we go there too much and we got bored. so then we were going to buy a disposable camera and take flippin awesome pictures of us doing crazy things... BUT THE DISPOSABLE CAMERAS COST $16.99!!! thats what you get for being in a tourist trap.
but anyway...
i'm sad.
because of jackson. which is not good. because i probably really have no reason to be sad because of jackson. i'm just so pessimistic that i think about things to much and make things up in my head that put me down.
i gotta stop smiling....
it gives the wrong impression.
Comments: (0)
...
Date: Sep 22nd, 2004 3:40:16 am - Subscribe
Mood: lovestruck
i
love
jackson.
Comments: (2)
mondays suck.
Date: Sep 21st, 2004 2:36:51 am - Subscribe
Mood: emotionless
today was a horrible horrible day. i woke up late for school, felt sick the whole day, ended up throwing up. now i'm all sick. my face was horribly oily and it made me angry and i felt all gross.
then i got all jealous of my friends because they're all getting awesome new friends and boyfriends and i'm NOT because i'm in the special program for SMART KIDS, where everyone is a LOSER. and i'm all envious and i hate feeling this way. and its not that i'm not happy for them, because i really, truly am, its just... i mean, sure, i had one really great boyfriend. the only problem was, all the girls liked him and i was so insecure about everything and it just made me feel worse. not to mention all he thought about was sex and i wouldn't give it to him. and even though i saved him from KILLING HIMSELF, he still treats me like i'm chopped liver.
But........
I'm sure i'd get new friends if i wasn't so shy. i guess i just really care what other people think of me, which i hate, and i know i shouldnt do. i just can't help that. i'm afraid to approach people because i'm afraid that they'll get the wrong first impression of me and that i just blew my chance. so i just sit. in the corner. and stare enviously at the people who i wish were my friends and i could converse with freely without feeling like a total dumbass. and then there are those times when i'm totally ready to go talk to someone, but when the time comes i lose all confidence whatsoever and go back to cower in my corner.
now, not to sound too conceited or boy crazy or anything, but i wish i had a boyfriend. because i'm a horribly needy person and i need that special lovin. not from family, or from friends, but from a person who can just give me bona fide love. i mean, family and friends.. it just feels like they HAVE to love me. therefore when they try to comfort me or boost my confidence i don't believe them, because i feel like thats their job, to make me feel better. the only problem is, no one wants to get to know me well enough to find out who i really am. because i know i put on a show at school, it's just second nature. but if they really got to know me, i think their vision of me would change, maybe ever so slightly, but for the better.
but stuff like that doesn't happen to me. so far, i've dedicated my whole life to my education. why? because my parents made me. i sort of feel like my parents want me to be them. neither of them got a full high school education. i guess they only want the best for me, but what about what I think is best for me? they probably think i'm too naive to know whats best for me. but who knows me better than me? caroline, possibily, but that doesn't count. anyway, it just seems like they wont let me do anything. go to concerts, parties, or anything because they think it'll severely influence me in a bad way. that i'll become an alcoholic or a drug addict. if they knew me well enough, they'd know that that is not who i am. i, too, am concerned with my education, i just need a little fun in my life. everyday i wake up, go to school, come home, do homework, sleep. its a never ending cycle. and on saturdays, i work. sundays are "family days"... or at least, they were until my family got torn apart, which is a whole 'nother story in itself. so i just stay home on sundays and, well, do nothing. i sit. and think. and wonder. and hope. and wish. and dream. and do all the things that'll get me nowhere. and that is where i am today.
it's raining. i like the rain. i wish i could go play in it right now, but i'm sick, and my mother won't let me. thats a shame, because i could sure use some rain dancin action.
Comments: (3)
still breathing
Date: Aug 27th, 2004 7:33:09 pm - Subscribe
Mood: lonely
crank the tunes: "Rapture" - Pedro The Lion
well, i didn't get blown away by hurricane charley. but that damn bastard left a magnanamous amount of shit i had to clean up.
as for school... i guess it's getting better. of course, it's only been, what, the 8th day because we were off a whole week because of the hurricane. so i still have another 176 more days to make this school year okay. that really doesn't sound like a lot.
i'm taking latin. i <3 that class. ooh! ooh! i know how to say "Siciliy is a big island." it's..... "Sicilia est magna insula." and and and i know how to say "The girl is carrying a small doll." it's.... "Puella est parva pupas amant." ... i might be saying "the doll is carrying a small girl" but whatever.
now it's time for me to eat.
Comments: (1)