Date: Apr 16th, 2005 6:55:32 pm - Subscribe
Mood: frustrated beyond belief, lol

ok so Jes told me I had to post in here again, so I shall do my best....anywho, yeah...So Francisco is coming to church with my family and I tomorrow...he went out and baught like a whole new oufit, hehe* sometimes he can be so strange, but thats aight, I like, sooooo, lets see....I dont know, like things just get so frustrating sometimes! everything, and everyone, and no i still havent gotten rid of it, lol, not that anyone even knows what im talking about..but yeah, my sister shes just going insane, she has no respect whatsoever for authority, and I despise that, because well I have to suffer for her mistakes, which is sooo not cool....and I dont know, ok honesty...I'll get some of it out...I feel like I'm forcing liking Francisco, and I know thats terrible, I shouldnt even be saying it, in fact its really mean, considering that he'll probably read this ...but its true, I feel like i cant wait on Gods timing, and that it isnt supposed to be, but hes like soo awesome and everything, and I just dont get, its terrible of me, and I feel bad, really I im praying about it, and I just like, I feel really close to him, and I couldnt just say "God told me to do this, so im letting go" I'm tired of saying the same words, and hurting people over and over again because of how stupid I am sometimes...and then I just feel like giving up, going where the wind blows me, when the wind blows me...and right now I just feel like I'm tied down, and cant move, lol

weirdness setting in...and then my dad makes me feel like I can never do anything right, and that he'll never be proud of me...I feel worthless pretty much..and I dont like that...I jsut want to leave, but I know I cant, or thats not it...I can leave, but I know that I'm here for a reason, and that when its my time God will take me, but until then theres nothing I can do...which is where the inpatient part kicks in...and I dont want to wait...and it stares at, and I figure it wont matter becaue I do have some self controll, little but some none the less....but I just like, I'v cried myself to sleep recently, and I havent done that in forever...and I'm supposed to be kept together, and everything else...and the more responsible I am the more people think I cant do anything wrong..and then I try not to do anything wrong, but then I get tired of trying, and I give in, and delibratlly do something, just to show them that I can make mistakes..and that I'm not perfect...and its just so frustrating!!!

its like a huge circle, and I cant go anywhere because as soon as i think I'v moved one step forward its like i take 2 back ,lol..which isnt true at all..but it feels like it...I cant wait to go to church tomorrow..I think I'll go up and get prayed for
Comments: (4)

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rebecca - April 16th, 2005
Ahh Leah I love you(not in that way) my life is kinda carazy too if you know what i mean but take girl im here for you *hugs*


rain_drop - April 16th, 2005
aww leah, thanks for i keep telling you how alike we are, don't you realize that? gosh, it seems like we go through similar things so others can help us through. it would be nice if none of us had stuggles and pain but i guess that's not the way it works. whatever you do, don't lose your faith cause i admire the way you can still rely on God in ur situation while i've still been stuggling so hard with that, so i guess i just need to keep anyways i know this is kinda long but i just want you to know i'm here for you, just an im or email away...oh i also wanted to tell you i learned how to change all the colors on my blog, it looks really neat. hey, if you can't face life, get caught up in nerdy computer stuff. haha not really... *hugs for a great friend* happy.gif

forsaken1 - June 19th, 2005
hey airhead its joe how've ya been? my link is right here Of the heart

well user name is forsaken1


rain_drop - July 20th, 2005
ummmm so leah, guess i just wanna comment on here again, even though you don't use it. boy do i miss talking to you, what happened. and i miss your comments on my blog. oh well, i have too much going on in my life right now, i know it's hard for others to deal with...i just thought..well never mind. i guess you're probably on your website more and i can't do all those forums anymore with things happening in my life..but whatever. i just wanted to let you know that i miss knowing what's going on with you..and cisco...remember how you wrote about how you met him in here..that seems so long ago now...guess i'm just thinking about the past now...and that's kinda weird cause you're just an internet friend but i still feel like i miss ya alot. well i hope you're doing alright...hope you're happy...~Jes


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