Sep 2nd, 2008 10:10:36 pm - Subscribe

By nature.
From nature.

I don't know what to say.
I'm speechless.
It's uncanny, that after all these years of talking obsessively about nothing, that I have nothing to say.

I can't even shed a tear for you. Not with how this worked out. You can't even imagine.

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So birthdays come, and school starts, and new shoes wear out.

But are we still the same? Do we change at all or does capitalism force us to think that way?

I'm so hungry I can't even ramble some sense out...
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Aug 8th, 2008 12:21:22 am - Subscribe

SSSTTAAAAAARR!

I'm mopey. I'm happy. I'm disinterested.
I don't know what I am.
Andrea.

Lately, I find that I have secluded myself from friends and family. It was lonely, but now...
Now its cumbersome.

Start new work soon, this year will be my definitive. I will finally have the time to see what I really want. If it includes Edmonton, if it includes more school, if it even includes my friends and family.

I find my nature purely parasitic, and because of it, I feel I have ruined many friendships, and many opportunities. I will not do this any more.

I desire the old Andrea. The Andrea who dressed like a hobo, and didn't try to come across as sophisticated and mature by trying to dress the part...
Who still nerded up comic book stores, and read books for FUN, and didn't try to sound pointed and witty while discussing the finer points of Klimt and Titian's artistic careers.

I keep pretending to be someone, hoping that's who I'll end up being.

~~~

When will I just learn to be me, and leave the acting to the primadonnas....
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Jun 19th, 2008 10:43:48 pm - Subscribe

So, Here it is.

My signed confession. My red handed apprehension. My size seven footprint at the crime scene.

I am actually starting to enjoy my job, I enjoy going to work in the morning. I enjoy eating my lunch, and walking my meager walks. I enjoy that thrill of when four thirty hits, and it’s almost time to go home. I love little things, like the library calling to let me know my holds are in. I like cooking silly foods, and doing bare necessity laundry, and showering after a long busy, hectic day. I like little things, like calls from friends, and texts from loved ones, and a long hug after a frustrating moment.

Is this me accepting the fact that an adult life is filled with the mundane, and hardship? That yes, indeed, it is possible to find satisfaction within a repetitive and controlled routine?

All I need these days to be living the dream is a place of my own, so I can live my boring yet somehow fulfilling life as a anti-socialite.

That’s all I want.
Minimal school, no more family, and just…

May 30th, 2008 10:16:40 pm - Subscribe

So. Another week gone by, another Friday almost done. This weekend I shall grace the Calgary Zoo with my presence.

I'm hyped.

Twenty, and never been to the Calgary zoo.

May 15th, 2008 2:58:19 am - Subscribe

Terrible thoughts. I love him so stupidly much, but...

I want things.
Things I can't have, in the here and now, with him...
Like travel,
like move out quickly,
like rely on when he'll be done work.

It seems so selfish, to take something so perfect, and question it based on my own petty selfish needs.

I wish I were lonesomely wandering the world, shacked up in a shanty in some obscure part of the globe, far from the mundaneness of the digital world of the west.

I hate this valuation system that us westerners have, who's to say that a writer is less important than an accountant, and a teacher makes less than an electrician?

I want common sense, and to be taken seriously as a human being... to escape these false hopes and dreams and aspirations, that in all actuality only belong to my parents, my grandparents, my tormentors...

I want to have my perfect world, without the pain of building it myself.
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