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Feigned indifference. |
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I've been lied to twice in the past week. And before I rant, I'd just like to point out that I, myself, am not anywhere near perfect. I think I finally figured out what I hate most about the relationship that I am in. I think I finally got it, and it kills me to think this way. I will always be second fiddle to someone else. I will never be the one. Most days its' just to his family. His job. It kills me that I cannot just be enough for him. I try my hardest everyday to please him. I cook, and I get no thanks. I clean, he makes a mess. I do things that I hate for him, and I get no recoginition. Seemingly, three years later I've been okay with his indifference and nonchalance. But you fucking lie to me, and thats another issue entirely. Not to mention the fucking fact that on top of being overwhelmingly angry, and sad, and selfloathing.... I get to listen to your perfect sister tell me about how, if we don't find a BALANCE thinks how miserable we'll be in ten years. And we'll fall out of love... don't you know... Fuck off. When most nights her fiance sleeps on the couch because they're fighting. Just because you read the five languages of love doesn't make you a fucking guru. I just want him to fucking care. Otherwise, it'll just be easier to pack my fucking bags. I am tired to telling myself that I need to put in more effort. As it stands the only one he acts like a deadbeat for is me. If he will jump at the drop of a hat for his family, or his boss, be their hero... why am I always the inconvience? - |
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I've spent the last 24 hours wretching my guts out. Head over a garbage can, shivering, and crying. I hate being sick. I've spent the entire day in bed, or on the couch watching property virgins. Watching happy couples buying their first homes. I find it interesting that the American version of the show, the couples are older, and have less money. The Canadian version, the couples are younger, and have more money. Yet the Canadian properties are oodles more expensive... I don't even know what the heck I'm talking about. I am frazzeled from the lack of food, and the loneliness of being home alone. Sadly, the ability to keep only liquids down has dropped my weight by nine pounds. Disgusting to say the least. I want to be happy. Anyone else? If so, lets go. Lets find us an adventure, and get this party started. You can come with me to Montreal, and Los Angeles too, but only if you promise to have fun with me! |
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When its over? I feel so empty right now. And the only person that I want to talk to, who could make me feel better... Is the one who doesn't love me anymore. ------------------- It's a sad day in my head. All the self-esteem issues that you thought you conquered... Guess again. - |