I'm terrified. Scared absolutely shitless. But it seems like Spence and I are making an honest go of things. It's just building that trust, and finding each other, now that we're on slightly different tracks.

It's amazing, we've spent more quality time together in the past week, then the whole last month we were together. Maybe we did need this. I just hope he's not too scared to let himself maybe love me again one day.

I've been loads more optimistic, and hestitantly peachy. Even through the sickness.

The roommate situation is lovely. I love her without strings. All I hope is that this double boy conumdrum settles. Nell, your heart is too precious to hand out to just any bearded fool. I have a good feeling about this one, sometimes they just need a kick in the ass right?

I hope thats' all need.

Well, at least we'll be loved...
-

The colour you're all dressed in...


Good Mourning is a fabulous cd. I missed it. And subsequently have been listening to it for most of the day.

What's black and white, and read all over?

So now Lindzay is being retarded over this Spencer situation. Is she jealous? All she does is bitch about how he's an awful friend. Did they sleep together? No. Then whats her issue?

I haven't been this happy in months. I felt like a communal water fountain. Want some? Take some. Used and unwanted. I felt like I had no substance, that it was always just a physical desire with these boys. I still maintain for as fucked up as everything has gotten, Spencer understands me best.

Maybe that's why he ran away in the first place.

Maybe I am just being foolish, but I would be quite pleased if this panned out. Our relationship is already better than it was the month before the break-up. Was it space we needed? Or is it just convieniant to be with me. With him?

Fucking doubts. But I suppose that's the price he'll pay for the break-down of my trust.

I don't want doubts. Just care about me. Kiss me goodbye.
Kiss me good.
-