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femmeemo's Aeonity Blog
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I read through life.

Jan 10th, 2010 11:35:49 am - Subscribe

I spent the last two hours reading back on all of my old posts, from conception forward.

Reading my pithy words, and pseudo-intellectual babble made me come to a startling conclusion. That even without the happiness, and the depressive state of most posts, I had something then, that I no longer have.

I no longer have hope.

All of the posts I used to spill out used to be cryptic and lovely, yearning to be accepted and for the possibility of love.

Recently, I just seem to exude some pathetic 'adult' life. I don't have the silly hopes of a crush-ridden teenager, and don't have the lust of a newly found sexual being.

Instead all I have is a slew of happy memories, and the capabilities to move forward and do something worthwhile in life.
Right?
Right?!

We're all given that capability, and somehow I have lost it. I want to have the forbidden. I want the excitement of emotion, and rush of adrenaline when skin brushes against skin.
I want.
And want and want and want.
-
I Feel: Indecisive.
I Hear: The Killers.
(3) postcard(s)

anonymous

January 11th, 2010

When I stopped using this site for 2 years and came back I was surprised to see how your language had changed. I would not say that you exude a pathetic adult life, but you sounded older for sure.

I think you express ideas then(cyptic-lovely) and now(adult-analyzing) in a way that I wouldn't be able to do myself; although often relate to your posts.

deathcab4u

January 11th, 2010

woops, that was me but you would have known that.

avatar evie

January 14th, 2010

I love going back and reading old entries. My first posts had all the grammatical errors and intentional misspellings of awkward youth. They slowly transition into angry political rants and then again into miserable babblings of giving up on all my former dreams. I've noticed myself growing into the boring person I would have made fun of in high school. I spent my youth climbing the ladder only to find the height frightening, lowering myself to a more comfortable level. Being a grown up is different than what I had hoped for years ago. We spend our youth wishing for the freedom of adulthood but we never realize just how incredibly restricting it is.

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