Everytime I login in- and yet- when I think about deleting my account, making a new one and forgiving the wreck that I used to be- and still am...
I can't do it.
I am confused about what the next four months will hold. I am cold- and fuzzy.
Everything seems like it will pan out and then- I can't help but worry about the ramifications of my actions if I go through with things. It just seems so...
Easy? And yet like such a cop-out.
I fear change- and this is the biggest problem.
I am avoiding going home because it is so filthy I don't know where to start cleaning- and I can't sit there and just leave it and so... I stay out late and only come home to sleep. Or sleep on friends couches. Or the fiends' bed.
I want a Christmas tree.
I want shiny lights.
I want not to want anymore.