femmeemo's Aeonity Blog - How do you know...

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How do you know...	Dec 31st, 2009 3:53:55 pm - Subscribe
When its over? I feel so empty right now. And the only person that I want to talk to, who could make me feel better... Is the one who doesn't love me anymore. ------------------- It's a sad day in my head. All the self-esteem issues that you thought you conquered... Guess again. -
I Feel: - I Hear: -	(0) postcard(s)

Stomach Flu	Dec 30th, 2009 6:24:34 pm - Subscribe
I've spent the last 24 hours wretching my guts out. Head over a garbage can, shivering, and crying. I hate being sick. I've spent the entire day in bed, or on the couch watching property virgins. Watching happy couples buying their first homes. I find it interesting that the American version of the show, the couples are older, and have less money. The Canadian version, the couples are younger, and have more money. Yet the Canadian properties are oodles more expensive... I don't even know what the heck I'm talking about. I am frazzeled from the lack of food, and the loneliness of being home alone. Sadly, the ability to keep only liquids down has dropped my weight by nine pounds. Disgusting to say the least. I want to be happy. Anyone else? If so, lets go. Lets find us an adventure, and get this party started. You can come with me to Montreal, and Los Angeles too, but only if you promise to have fun with me!
I Feel: Drugged Up. I Hear: my silly rambly thoughts rattling in my skull.	(1) postcard(s)

No Love Lost.	Dec 28th, 2009 6:56:45 pm - Subscribe
I've been lied to twice in the past week. And before I rant, I'd just like to point out that I, myself, am not anywhere near perfect. I think I finally figured out what I hate most about the relationship that I am in. I think I finally got it, and it kills me to think this way. I will always be second fiddle to someone else. I will never be the one. Most days its' just to his family. His job. It kills me that I cannot just be enough for him. I try my hardest everyday to please him. I cook, and I get no thanks. I clean, he makes a mess. I do things that I hate for him, and I get no recoginition. Seemingly, three years later I've been okay with his indifference and nonchalance. But you fucking lie to me, and thats another issue entirely. Not to mention the fucking fact that on top of being overwhelmingly angry, and sad, and selfloathing.... I get to listen to your perfect sister tell me about how, if we don't find a BALANCE thinks how miserable we'll be in ten years. And we'll fall out of love... don't you know... Fuck off. When most nights her fiance sleeps on the couch because they're fighting. Just because you read the five languages of love doesn't make you a fucking guru. I just want him to fucking care. Otherwise, it'll just be easier to pack my fucking bags. I am tired to telling myself that I need to put in more effort. As it stands the only one he acts like a deadbeat for is me. If he will jump at the drop of a hat for his family, or his boss, be their hero... why am I always the inconvience? -
I Feel: Appalled. I Hear: a headache in the making.	(1) postcard(s)

Let's just call it...	Dec 19th, 2009 2:27:28 pm - Subscribe
Feigned indifference. Promotions, and soon I will be a hot jetsetter. I am. Confused. This Christmas has been pleasent, thus far. I mean, I have managed to avoid the unending stress that this season always manages to fill me with, for the most part anyhow. I am still awesomely poor, but somehow my bills always get paid on time. My fridge always has food in it, my car has gas in its tank, and somehow I am affording three trips in the next three months. I still don't feel like its, enough? No. I don't know. Something is missing. It feels like something isn't right, and I just can't put my finger on it. But every happy moment, something is missing, even the shittiest moments aren't truly awful. I'm just indifferent. I could care less for the most part. I think what I need, is to vanish and start fresh. Poor life choice Andrea. Perhaps you shouldn't be such a child and run away from everything... -
I Feel: Charming. I Hear: I heard the Bells, Pedro the Lion	(1) postcard(s)

Because the sky is blue.	Nov 10th, 2009 3:36:52 pm - Subscribe
It makes me cry. I've been listening to The Beatles all morning. It's nearly all-encompassing. I feel overwhelmed today. I feel like not enough today. I feel. I want to sleep for weeks, eat for days, and cry until my eyes ooze from my face. This irrational depressive state is starting to wear at my nerves. As if it is any sort of positive for me. I would prefer to go home, instead of moping at work. I could finish my book. I could have a nap. I could... Well. Really. The possibilities are nearly unending. Remember, Remember the fifth of November. The gunpowder, treason and plot. I see no reason why gunpowder, treason should ever be forgot... Remembrance Day soon approaches. I wonder about how the world has changed so drastically for us. How there is no forcible enlistment. No sad war-torn families. No weeping widows, commonly on the corners. And yet. And yet. Sadness is perpetual. At least at times of war, there is hope. And a nation pulls together... What do we have now. Besides Fat, Consumeristic Complacency? Depression. -
I Feel: Irritable. I Hear: If I Fell.	(1) postcard(s)

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