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When the healing has begun...I'm starting to - Subscribe
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I wish I could get away from this place for a day or two. I might stay in a hotel friday through sunday just a mini vaction, some time to myself. I'm starting to notice I feel sorry for everything. I say things quietly as I walk by people "Hello", "Nice Day".... I'm starting to notice that Valentine's Day is coming. And that all my friends are paired up with someone special that they really care for. I'm starting to see he loves her more, even if he acts differently when she is there. And will stop holding her hand when he sees me. I'm ending feeling alone and abandoned all the time. It's time to get my shit together... |
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If you want me, satisfy me Wednesday February 6th, 2008 9:38:34 pm - Subscribe
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Today is my busiest day of the week. Wednesday I go to work and then have class from 11am to 9pm. Film class which I thought would be a bore, actually turned out really nice. I like it a lot. We watched a silent film called Broken Blossoms, and then we watched a screw-ball comedy called "It Happened One Night." At the school the dorms flooded and I am wondering if some of my friend's got their stuff out alright. I mean you move away from home and it turns out that you get the sprinklers wrecking everything... and there wasn't even a fire. I started to feel like I was drowning today. It all started as I ran late to school. I didn't get my homework done for french or film. I have so much on my plate I really don't know what to do with myself. Tonight I'm going to stay up a bit and see what I can do to fix this sinking filling. |
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Better Myself Thursday February 7th, 2008 7:42:46 pm - Subscribe
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It seems like everyone tries to better themselves constantly. I don't agree with everyone needing to better themselves. Like my friend sarah thinks she is fat and loveless. She's actually the prettiest sweetest girl I know. I wish she knew that. I'm fat, I accept I am fat. My friends complain to me about how they need to lose weight. They are sticks. And I'm not that fake fat where a girl thinks she's fat, god I hate those girls some days. Or the "healthy" girl that's a size 14 or 16. Please I wish. My size 6 friends are complaining they are fat. What am I an Orca? I'm confident I'm about my weight. I can pull the look off. Are you saying I have a great personality? Terra describing me "outgoing, friendly, loyal, helpful, loving" Lovely, I don't hear hottie, sexy, pretty, beautiful. Why do I judge myself by beauty. Because it's what I don't have. It's like a poor about money (such as my father's hate of rich people even though he plans for me to be one), or the dumb about the intellectual. I complain alot... I know this... I am learning to accept it. |
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Mood: Fat and loving it - eye roll- Random Thought: I wish I could act in the musical legally blonde. |
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Happy Lent! Saturday February 9th, 2008 1:25:30 pm - Subscribe
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Yes this wonderful time is upon us again. Though not a catholic I support lent fully. It's a hey! something cool happened, lets celebrate and try to give up bad habits. Such as touching yourself! or chocolate! 40 days and 40 nights... perfect movie for lent |
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When Im alone in the street Sunday February 10th, 2008 12:07:42 pm - Subscribe
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Isn't it amazing what a good movie or a touching song can do to you? A sweet text message when you are lonely, or a smile as you wait in line at the store. I think it's the humanity in us that makes us search out connections. The part of us that wants to feel like what we feel isn't unique but is at the same moment. Like we can find someone who knows what we are going through but the baggage is all different. We seek advice from our friends and then question it. They don't know everything, or they haven't gone through this. But they are our connection to society to our neighbors to our world that we live in so we judge ourselves by their example. Watching "chick flicks" lately has led me to realize women want many things. But the most basic thing I think all women who watch chick flicks want is that moment. The girl is just standing there, either she has been really sad or she has been in shock over something and the man just stares in her eyes, a near blank expression on his face and you can almost read the thought "God she's amazing" on his face. This has been played more than Stairway to Heaven and is a true classic like a Beatles song. All we want is someone to go "You are amazing" not fight over the fact and if we disagree push a bit but not trivialize it into an argument. Just know in that person's opinion there is something special in us. |