Well... Once again... Its been awhile!!
Currently there's a lot thats on my mind but, I don't really feel like talking about it sooo Imma just write a bunch of random stuff ^.^
Did you know you cannot hum with your nose plugged? Like seriously... Its like... Impossible!!
OMGOSH! Yesterday, I totally forgot but, Yesterday Ryan, Taylor and I went to the mall anyways so we were suppose to meet tyler but, as usual... He was late... so like usual I left ten minutes before he arrived and went back ten minutes after he left... Sooo... I ran across New Minas all the way to catch him... Which... I did. Then of course Taylor and Ryan finally caught up to me so Tyler wanted us to come with him and taylor didnt want to so I let Ryan decide and of course Ry wanted to go with Winston but, we tried to convince Taytors to come too but, she wouldnt then she just like walked away from us sooo Ry ry drug me after Winston... SO... Obviously... With our luck Winston was already out of sight so I figure I can find him... which I didnt do very well at since I got us lost >.> Thank god Ry ry had his cell phone... Sooo we found this little playground thingy... Come to think of it now I really hope it was public... >.>. Anywho! So I called Winston and told he we were lost sooo I told him what road we were on and he came found us... Never mind Moms angry at me... Ill finish this entry later...
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Mood: tormented
Music: Reverse This Curse-Escape the Fate
Well... It's been forever... Like... FOREVER!!
Life's going... interesting now... So much has happened I can't even get it all arranged in my mind... Not that I can arrange much lately, my mind is so bloggled at times now that it's not funny at all... Currently I just got home from a show which I badly sprained my foot in the mosh pit... BUT! it was fun =D So it was definitly worth it... Cancer Bats did a 15 minute encore =] It was great!!
Power got cut off at my home home as in my moms on the second... But I suppose money problems is nothing new...
I lost my Prince Charming and I've never regretting losing someone so much in my whole entire life before... I wish I could tell him that I miss him more than anything... But, I know it will never work. I mean 5082km.. Yeah... 5082km people... Maybe someday right?? Probably not though. He can do better... I mean maybe it's just better if he just moves on... probably...
Anyways... I dont know about everyone else but dont you find it annoying when 99.99% of people that you know put 100% of their problems on your back them when you need them they are 100% G-O-N-E !! (Yeah Im aware Im super LAME!! ) ... But, then people are all like "Im here for you" and I swear to god they just do that to either try to get in my pants or use me to get in someone elses pants... What a fucking bunch of uncaring horndogs eh? Oh well... I mean what's the world coming to now-a-days anyways?? Nevermind... not getting into that
Blah and well my foot hurts too much to write... If that makes sense... o.O Meh!
Love yall
Ill write sooooooooooon!!
Hummmmmmmmm de dummmmmmmmmm...
*talking on the phone with Reid*
~Silence~
"I love this napkin holder... Its a wicker duck."
*typing what reid just said only added thing at the end while reading aloud*
"I did not say wicker duck thing, I am very clear on what a duck is and what isnt!"
Yes... I have very odd friends... But, I love them all with my heart... Or whatever that beaty thingy is in my chest... >.>.
*Reading everything aloud as typing*
"so... Its like a... Heart thing!!!"
"I did not say heart thing, I am very clear on what a heart is and what isnt!" -Me .
Talking to reid by the way... Not Prince Charming... Why the hell would I be talking to him since for some reason he can't seem to find the time to put his new rule to the test... In other words... he hasnt called or texted annnnd Im being dumb and not texting him first cause he said not to... god Im whipped.
Anyways. I want a cow. I shall name him Jupiter and get him a pet butterfly name Henrietta... AND Im craving ice cream and blueberries... Yes Reid I just had Ice cream... By the way when I type I read aloud for all you who more than likely dont know cause if you did know that'd be kinda creepy... Yes Reid I know you already know.
I wish I was rich. Then I could buy all the cows, butterflies, ice cream and blueberries I wanted. Yes Reid I'd buy 'em for you too!!! Because that's just how awesome I am!!! Why thank you Reid! Wow... I prolly sound really skitzo for anyone whose reading this... Yes reid One sec lemme quote that.
"Hey, I betcha a lot of people are gonna read that and be like... Hey Reid must be her imaginary friend."
See? He reads my thoughts ! OMGOSH! GOTTA QUOTE HIM AGAIN! LOL!
"Hey... If I was imgainary that'd be pretty cool actually I'd like... Shoot laser beams outta my finger nails or something."
Either he is halarious or I'm just really easy to make laugh.
Speaking of Laughing I hate my laugh!!! HATE HATE HATE!!! It's all Hee hee hee only fast and high pitched Then Reid goes on about how nice it is and makes me laugh so I prove how gross I sound! Muwhahahaha!!! I win...
(Message to franky1952 Aka My bestest Blog buddy ever I added you on my main MSN Contagious.xx@live.ca is just one I use for writing and references and such Lol Sooo Because I actually think your super bomb No offense to anyone I added you on my main one so you get the full extent of my uh... Ali-ness ?? )
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Mood: hyperactive
Music: River Below - Billy Talent
Well its my first entry for awhile. Lately, I've been extremely suicidal and actually attempted suicide the other day... Took the rest of my pills... My sister found me annnnd made me drink water annnd throw up... Anyways. Prince Charming and I are teetering on the brink of exsistance... I'm getting tired with being ignored... I mean I don't think I deserve to be ignored but, what can I do? I love him to death and I could never leave him but, its coming down to it. I feel so trapped I mean, He has a new rule... Only call or text if he texts me first... Honestly... Im not sure if I should even trust him as much anymore I mean, Maybe I'm just being dumb but, UGH! Then it's like there's so many people out there that want to date me that wouldn't treat me like that and I know I don't deserve it... Or maybe I do... but, there's so many people that care about me annnd I'm deeply in love with the one that just sees me as a fall back.
On a lighter note I got a new nancy Drew game =D Yeah... I love Nancy Drew... Got a problem with that? . She's bomb and you all know it!!! Anyways... Im about to pass out... Still sick D=<
Lately, havent had any inspiration to write anything... Which is odd for me. Hopefully I get my inspiration back. Then again the biggest reason I wrote was my depression and currently I am taking medication to get rid of that... I suppose it works but, I still feel depressed. I'm not actually sure what it's suppose to do exactly *looks on wikipedia* neat... well now I know.
I had a wonderful day with Ryan the other day, Ry is one of my bestfriends, Anyways. It was a day that was purely epic in all proportions!!! It started off with us walking to meet each other by a little cafe, as we were walking towards each other, like usual we were laughing, I'm not sure why we always laugh while walking towards each other. We just do. Anyways, then we began walking down the road heading for tim Hortons, we talked about... well whatever we happened to talk about, as we walked. We came to a bridge and began to cross when we both seen something floating in the water then at the same time we yelled something out. Ryan said "LOOK A CORPSE!" whereas I said "OH MY GOSH A WARAMP LEG!!!" You know, sometimes I wonder about my mind. Like most people would say Look a corpse, because I must admit it did look like a corpse but, no I say look a war amp leg. Anyways, it was a stick with a shirt on it... Don't even wanna know. Anyways, then we continued on to Tim Hortons, I bought. Afterwards we walked towards the factory (a really old factory which Ry and I spend our time hanging around and/or breaking in to... Why? Because we're bored and have way too much time on our hands), the road to it was flooded sooo, we took a detour behind the cop station and started heading towards the old railroad tracks. We stopped when we found ourselves on a little island that we both somehow managed to trapieze to which was surrounded by a lake of water. Stupid flood. Then we both somehow managed to trapieze back and then we walked ALL the way back to the other side of town... Except we took one of Ryans shortcuts... Now, for anyone who actually reads this, your probably wondering about Ryan's shortcuts... Maybe. Anyways, I've learned NEVER to take one of Ryan's shortcuts. One day, in the summer, we went for a walk on the tracks, we walked for HOURS anyways, then Ryan sees a path and says "OH LOOK A PATH!" grabs my arm and hauls me on to it. Then we walked on that path for awhile till he seen ANOTHER path, He yelled "Oh look a path" again and hauled me on to it, now this went on for the longest time until we found ourselves in a completely different town... Anyways, basically the moral of this story is that Ryans "short cuts" always end up being horrible wastes of time. Sooo... I forgot about all of the previous "short cuts" and "paths" I had taken with Ryan, annnnd I agreed to cross it... It was a Horribly muddy, Nail infested swamp. He ended up falling in sooo I got my revenge. Anyways, We eventually got to the gas station annnnd we called my grand mother and she came and picked us up.
The day took its toll on me, I ended up getting sicker... if thats even a word. Oh well. It was really fun. So, I guess it was worth it.
Prince Charming update : STILL hasnt wrote back or called -.-
* * *
I told Vinny that I'm bi... He was surprised at first then he asked why I didnt tell him and I told him that I wasnt sure what'd he'd think. He told me that he's bi too, I knew he was gay but, I didn't know he was bi. I guess we both kind of learned something about each other. I'm becoming really close with him, He's a wonderful person and I hope we're friends forever!!
Wow... That sounded really corny. Haha!
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Mood: clueless
Music: Dance, Dance -Fall Out boy
Currently I have the weirdest feeling in the world... I'm thinking that I should be depressed at the moment but, I guess the anti depressants are working cause I feel depressed but, not. Once again Prince Charming is taking his dear sweet time to reply to emails. Sometimes I don't know what I'm doing, I mean why wait around for something that doesnt care about you? I mean, he's talked to me maybe twice through out the last like 5 days. I HATE that stupid 4 letter word, I miss not caring. Everything was so much more simple when I didn't care about anything relationship wise. Now I end up having to cry myself to sleep everynight because stupid thoughts like "He doesnt love me" and crap like that pop into my head. I guess I shouldnt get all worked up over that stuff though.
Anyways, Like two months ago I was like HAMMERED at a dance... And I guess I kissed this guy, who by coincidence just happens to be my bestfriend... ANYWAYS! So He was like today "Hey Alicia Guess what yesterday was!?" and I was like "I dunno! Was it..." then I made some super random comment and he was like "NO! It was our two month anniversary!!!" And I was like "o.O What!?" and he was like "Of our kiss!! XD" And it kind of creeped me out that he kept track... :S. Anyways! Thats my odd/creepy story for the day.
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Mood: What I think should be depressed... But, isnt... :S
Music: river below - Billy Talent
Beautiful day today, The temperature is perfect, the soothing breeze and the padding of raindrops on the ground has put me into a very tranquil mood. So far the day has gone well, didn't go to school but, I stayed home and lazed around then went to the doctor. I must have loads of problems because he wants to get a blood test and I swear he checked off every little box on the stupid piece of paper. I also have low blood pressure so getting stuck tomorrow will definitly help with that (sarcasm). But, I am getting stronger anti depressants aka Super happy pills as Percy calls 'em. The doctor was like "Don't take more than two a day or they kill you!" and I was like "I won't, I won't!!" Besides if I ever decided to go through with it I'd want to make more of a BANG when I went out, like do something really crazy.
Anyways, Prince Charming and I have patched things up and he wrote me the sweetest thing EVER!!!
I love you so much I can barely grasp it. Something about you, like you're placing your hand on my heart, to make sure I can feel you there. Your pressence is always with me, I can't shake you from my head. And I'd never have the need to do so. You make me feel like I'm supposed to live for you. Like God created me, so that I could be granted the opprotunity to be with you. And to express my love for you. When you're upset, and we can't talk, I stare at your picture, and it brings tears to my eyes. Because such an innocent, caring girl could share any ounce of pain. An angel such as you doesn't deserve it, and it brings more sorrow to my heart when I know i contribute. I'm sorry for everything that's happened Alicia. I didn't mean for things to get this way. But i swear to the Heavens that sent you. That I'll make it better, and I'll make sure you're happy. So that I can see your smile again. So that the world can have a little taste of Heaven everytime they gaze down upon your gorgeous face, with your smile, that melts away fear, and doubt. I love you Alicia, I always will. Whether my heart crumbles beneath your fingers, Or I'm laid to rest. In the shattered Pieces, or beneath the ground. I will always love you, which the full extent of my heart. A gap only you can fill. A gap that causes the sun to rise for me every morning. A gap that, if hollow, prevents my happiness. Causing me to draw sorrow from everything I do. You're everything to me Alicia, and without you. Everything good dies. I'll always love you. Until the day I die, and beyond. You're perfect in every way.
wasnt that sweet <3 it made me cry
Wow... Im really softening up... Oh well, that could be for the best ya know. I mean a more mushy me maybe be better at whatever a non mushy me does... What am I saying??? Geez. Nevermind that, Gotta snap back into it!!!
O.O Nan just brought home ice cream sandwiches!!! Be back later!!
* * *
Haha. Wow... I was wired when I was writing this... Geez , Haha.
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Mood: Just spiffy
Music: Scars - Papa Roach
Wow, I'm in a REALLY great mood. I watched this movie Pretty Woman and it kind of inspired me, I mean yes I know miracles don't happen like... ever, But, even though it's a big hunk of fiction it still makes me feel a bit better about my situation. I mean, yeah we're dirt poor and sometimes we can't afford food but, I suppose the bad times just make the good times that much sweeter. I admit I had a girl moment while watching it, I fantasized about meeting that Knight in Shining Armor and getting carried away and living a wonderful life with him. If there's anyone that reads this your probably thinking "Oh my..." But, oh well. Lately I've been kind of emotional like pepy or really depressed, God damn Mood changes. I swear lately I've been going from depressed to happy in 2.5 seconds. Atm I'm more in love with Prince Charming than ever... Even though he's still being a jerk. I blame it on the movie, the thought of him coming here putting me on his white horse and riding away with me must be making me all loopy or something. Probably just the thought of leaving. Stupid movie, clouding my judgement. I hate movies that warm the heart for one reason, you can't really think anything out with your brain, you become heart led. I suppose following your heart isn't that bad for some people but, so far in these very dreadfully long 16 years (Hah. Yeah only 16 >.< ) it hasnt done me any good, I just seem to end up getting hurt. But, In all reality, people get hurt every day and always pick their chins up and move on, well most people anyways, I guess I'm just one of those people that doesnt like getting hurt over the same thing more than once. Never thought I'd say that, I've always thought of myself as more of a slow learner with life lessons anyway.
It's times like these where I'm wondering if people from hundreds of years ago had the same problems as we do nowadays with relationships anyways, then again at one point when you turned 12 girls were married off to old men... Creepy. Well, I'm sincerly glad times have changed, I wouldn't want to marry an old man at 12.
For once in life I'm seriously stumped. I've been confused many times before just these past few days have had my mind doing circles. I miss My Prince Charming so much, havent talked to him in two days. He won't answer his phone and he doesn't call. I'm thinking he wants to break up or something is going on over there. But, that's one thing I don't get, I mean I can understand if he has a commitment not talking much but, he could at least call me like once throughout the span of time it takes. All I'm asking for is 5 minutes, but, I don't ever get it. Oh well, not much I can do I guess. Anyways, besides that there's this guy Taylor, I use to be head over heels for him. He's another Alberta guy. Anyways, I waited around for him for 6 months. Then on New years eve, he told me just to give up on him. Now he told me that Sooooooooooooooooooooooo many times before that this time I decided to take him seriously, so I went and I found Prince Charming. Now, he has come back and wants me back, I don't really know what to do, I mean I'm happy with Prince Charming but, Taytor Tot means the world to me. Wow... I must have a lot of worlds because so far Prince Charming, My kitty (have I mentioned Polly yet?? ), Kyoto (My puppy dogger ) & Taytor Tot mean the world to me. Anyways, I feel for them equally just, with Prince Charming he never calls anymore and never answers, then with Taytor Tot, I had to wait around for 6 months 4 of which we didnt talk because he was never around then he came back into my life, chucked me to the curb, left and came back within a couple of days. He's been around for about 2 months now and he's just told me that he's been trying to get me back or at least away from Ben because he thinks that Prince Charming doesnt treat me right. THEN I think I'm wanting Alex back (my first "love" then again I didn't feel the way I feel towards Prince Charming, so not sure if its a "love" or a Really like) Well not so much him but, our relationship. It was a WONDERFUL relationship and I wish Prince Charming and mine was the same way. Confession time: I've taken SOOOO many Relationship tests online and I did with Alex too, for Prince Charming the answer is always "PERFECT GUY! GREAT RELATIONSHIP!!! YOUR IN LOVE!!!" But, with Alex they were always "He Needs to listen more. So so relationship. You love him but, he doesnt love you." but, in my opinion, its the complete oppisite. Ben rarely listens to me, and it's really getting annoying. Oh well though, I guess I should really talk to him about it... anyways, back to my confusion. I don't really know what I want anymore all I know is that I "LOVE" Prince Charming and I "LOVE" Taytor Tot and that I want an Percy (Alex) Relationship. This is so complicated. Besides, what in the world am I going on about??? Since when do I care so much? Heh, that sounds quite mean but, it's true. Probably because My depression seems to be coming back, Which is horrible, Quite horrible indeed. I'm thinking about going in to the doctor and seeing about getting depression pills or a physciratrist. Cause I've had thoughts about the big "S" if you get my drift. Maybe I should just take a break and go spend some time at home, that could make things better. Anyways, If there is anyone who reads this, which I doubt, Feel free to give me some advice.
New Favorite Song:
Reverse This Curse- Escape the fate
A withered past and a blurry future,
My hearts on an auction,
It goes out to the highest bid.
I live to fast, and I know I will lose her,
But there is an option, to die is to live in her head.
So I'll hang on, never let go.
I dug this pain into my chest.
[Chorus:]
Instead,
One last chance to reverse this curse,
You stole my heart but I had it first.
And now I see you've got something to prove,
And nothing to lose, so let me tell you the truth.
A deadly wish but it should've come sooner,
A corpse in a funeral that I would never attend.
There is a light on in the back of this house,
But you're not around, to die is to live in her head.
So I'll hang on, never let go.
I dug this pain into my chest.
[Chorus:]
Instead,
One last chance to reverse this curse,
You stole my heart but I had it first.
And now I see you've got something to prove,
And nothing to lose so let me tell you the truth.
So, this goes, out to, the ones that fall in love,
And to, the girl, that filled my heart.
Last night I had the weirdest dream,
That you and I drove up the darkest streets,
Passing through these city lights,
Closure for the kiss that died.
One last chance to reverse this curse,
You stole my heart but I had it first,
And now I see you've got something to prove,
And nothing to lose so let me tell you the truth. [x2]
So, this goes, out to, the ones that fall in love.
And to, the girl, that filled, my, heart.
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Mood: confuzzled
Music: Reverse this Curse - Escape the Fate
Incase your not aware an Aficionado is a fancy name for fan or admirer, I wouldn't quite call people my fans but, I surprisingly have quite a few admirers.
All of them like me for some reason or another, most say it's because of how "amazing" I am. I bet.
I personally think they are only after me for something that I inherited from my family, My body. I mean it makes sense one thing all teenage boys can agree on is that they wouldn't mind having sex. Well, I suppose just most teenage boys because surprisingly there are a few out there who arent hormone crazed pigs.
Anyways, I can never seem to get a bestfriend anymore. They always end up liking me. It's quite horrible really, You see I've never been able to get along with girls as well as guys because let's face it most girls my age are more concerned about what they are going to wear to a dance and having a boyfriend. Yes, I get like that occasionally but, when someone is stuck like that for a large portion to the rest of their life their brain turns to mush. Going in to High School I find you end up having to say 'Bye, I'll see you in a few years' to all of your girl friends who havent gotten over that stage yet. It's quite sad actually, because by that time you both could of grown so far apart that you won't even bother trying to fix your friendship. That's what I think I'm scared of, not being able to fix past friendships. So, my solution to not having to worry about losing anyone is hang out with guys. For this to work out correctly though you really need to find the kind of nerdy but, not quite guys. I find they are the nicest and most mature (around me that is). Back to what I was saying. I can never have a bestfriend anymore and it's really starting to bother me. They ALWAYS fall for me. No matter what I do.
I don't mind Reid so much but, the constant "I Love You"s and everything is getting annoying. I mean yes, it is kind of flattering but, when you make it clear to someone that you only want their friendship then they keep dropping the "L" bomb on you... Well, let's just say it complicates things... GREATLY!
There's not much about me to like really though, I mean I try to be kind. I try to be quiet and respectful but, I always end up being too Over-enthusiastic-in-your-face-sarcastic-little-spitfire. If that makes sense. Basically, what I'm trying to say is I'm too high wired for people to like me. There's plenty of goo-goo Pretty girls whose brains are made of fuzz that wouldn't intimidate a mouse out there, I mean why me? It makes me kind of mad. I already have my Prince Charming and he likes me for my high wired personality, Then when he seen me I admit I blushed because of the look on his face and when he said I look like an angel But, at least he liked me before he seen me instead of this fantastic trend where I grow a bit and 2 more guys like me.
Not meaning to sound full of myself while writing this, it actually upsets me. I mean Guys should really consider basing there attraction more around brains and personality, I mean yeah a girl with a great body is easy on the eyes but, if she's not in the same brain bracket as you and her talking is make you want to rip your ears off then why don't you try finding a girl whose personality and brain complements your own, Yeah there has to be a physical attraction but, every girl is Gorgeous so, you shouldnt have a problem.
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Mood: alone
Music: This is how it goes - Billy talent
Girl meets Guy.
Girl and Guy become friends.
Girl and Guy fall in "Love".
Ready to hear about Mr.Perfect?
His name is Benjamin Everett, at the moment he's the love of my life but, what does a hormone crazed teenager know? What does anyone know about Love? I sure don't know and I probably never will. All I know that I really care about him and he means everything to me, and if thats love then I Love Him.
Anyways, Back to Prince Charming.
He's probably just about the most Amazing person I've ever met.
He's one year older than me and he plans on going to university. He's smart, sweet and Gorgeous. I can honestly say I had feelings for him before I seen him. Most people assume that we're together because we're both decent looking, well in his case Gorgeous. But, there's more to it, for me anyway.
I've never had anyone care that much about me.
Sometimes I think he lies to me though. I trust him 99.9% just sometimes that .1% comes to haunt me. Just small flickers in my mind that he could be lying. My gut feeling is usually right but, humans don't like to hear bad news, especially about people they care about. So, I guess it makes sense why I don't want to go with my gut feeling. Just, I hate when people lie for my whole life I've had to deal with my family lying to me over and over and over and over and over and over about everything. I guess everyone has to deal with stuff like that but, seriously... It hurts to know that not just your family has the ability to lie straight to your face but, your Prince Charming too. Then again, I should really just get use to it because obviously no one cares enough to tell me the truth. Oh well, Life is just like that.
Anyways, another down side to Mr. Perfect is that he lives on the other side of the country. Woo... Long distance... It's going good so far besides the lying thing, but, Im just going to have to get use to it though. He said he's going to move here in November though. But, that could just be another lie. I guess I'll find out when and if he gets here, and if I'm not tired of this by then I guess it'll get written in here.
I have a blog on Blogger.com but, I've decided to try this out. I'm thinking this may be better than Blogger.
So, Here's a bit about me.
I'm not what you'd expect.
I have purple hair and I love the rain.
I Have wanted 7 tattoos since I was 5 years old.
I don't like my earrings to match + I Love School.
96% chance I'm singing as your reading this.
I Believe I Have every reason to smile, and always do.
I don't regret.
I don't feel ashamed.
I don't feel sad about stuff other people do to me.
I don't believe doing rebellious,disrespectful or unkind things is what makes people memorable.
But, if I get mad I won't hesistate to punch you in the face.I don't plan on or want to be remembered.
I value everyone I've met and everything I've been through; Good or Bad.
I am who I am. I don't want anyone to be like me.
I believe I'm worth knowing. If you don't think so then don't talk to me.
If you have a problem with any of this, I'm not forcing you to read it. If you want to chat add me at: Contagious.xx@live.ca
