written on 6/20/2004
Date: Sep 28th, 2004 8:30:18 pm - Subscribe
Mood: eh
you've given me a heart like a gun: oh the memories
Why is it that I always make the same mistakes with you over and over again?
It would seem that maybe I should have learned my lesson by now but I can't help letting you in every time you call.
And I wish you didn't but I'm happy when you do.
Its impossible to heal when you keep reopening the wounds.
So once again I will let my temporary sanity flow.
And there will be permanent reminders of how I feel about you and how you don't feel about me.
But I will sit here and wait for you to decide to call again. And you will eventually although I'm not quite sure why.
I think it has something to do with trying to not feel guilty for what you've done to me and what you continue to do.
Its not your fault I always give in.
Its just the way that you kiss me and the sound of your whispers in my ear.
And the warmth.
But its not the same. I still love you. And I probably always will.
You stopped along time ago.
I just have to come to terms with the way things are now.
But its so hard when all of my dreams are made of you.
And you make it seem as if they are possible and maybe you even want them too.
But its all just a game to see how much of me you can use and how long I'll take the abuse.
Oh I'll take it.
But I'll let my misery escape through my veins and you’ll never know.
I'll make sure to keep the lights low when we're close.
No one ever knows.
a part of me wishes they did so that I don't feel so alone. It hard for me to bear this pain on my own.
But every day I grow a little stronger and a little more distant to the outside and my insides.
I just wish you would grow out of your boyish tendencies and realize that I am here for you when ever you need me or even just when you want me but if this last much longer I might be dead inside by the time you understand that.
Please don't let me die.
I still need you. Your still all that matters to me.
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