Curiousity
Date: Nov 18th, 2009 9:19:53 pm - Subscribe
Mood: self-conscious
A friend Omi said hi to me and asked me if I know Erika. I said yes, yet when I asked him what's up on us three, he wouldn't answer. Whatever that is, I want to know. Honestly, I just love myself I don't want to let them mess up well-cherished connections.
Comments: (0)
Self-sacrifice
Date: Nov 18th, 2009 7:54:09 am - Subscribe
Mood: lousy
In the bus a while ago, I had the chance to remember the value of non-self-sacrifice in order to love oneself first before everybody else. I was standing inside the moving bus as a passenger, waiting for any seat to be vacated, when, near me, a passenger left his seat and headed towards the bus door to leave. By instinct, I got the seat for myself. Yet before I sit, I saw a man with a bag on his shoulder, and told myself, "Maybe this man works here. i don't work, so maybe he needs to sit." It took me some time to think first about it. Then I made my decision. I left my seat and gave it to the man. I, alone, stood back hanging my hand on the hand grills. After that, I felt ashamed. Why did I do that? Is it reasonable for me to do it because I judged the man by my own measure? As I felt embarrassed, I told myself, maybe I was expecting something from him. By judging him by his works, I sacrificed my own right to sit on a passenger seat. As that happened, I decided not to look back, and take not the credit of receiving any attention from him. "Don't look back," was the words I remembered, words that came from a friend. So I did not mind my sacrifice. I lost me. I lost my convenience.
So, is it love? When I got home, my father had to fill the emptiness inside me by giving me food, which I ate.
I just thought there was wrong.
Or maybe, I did the right thing. Perhaps. I don't know.
Comments: (0)
Application
Date: Jun 23rd, 2009 4:41:37 am - Subscribe
Mood: odd
I am applying for a number of non-government organizations and financial institutions, names of which I will not disclosed for now. Hopefully, I may be admitted.
Comments: (0)
It's over
Date: May 22nd, 2009 1:03:40 am - Subscribe
Mood: ambivalent
My final undergraduate exam is over. No regrets.
Comments: (0)
Tap on the shoulder
Date: May 19th, 2009 5:29:31 pm - Subscribe
Mood: insightful
Despite the effects of inevitable exposure to desktop radiation due to my need to accomplish a couple of reaction papers and a research paper, I try to respect my universe and others' universe. Things like turning off the electric fan inside my neighbor-dorm mate Jhups's room, which is supposed to dry up his socks for tomorrow's use, thinking that letting the fan turned on overnight is a waste of energy, makes me scary of myself because I tend to mind other people's business based on my own judgment, (and what's worse is that I act on them immediately without consultation). The point is, for no reason, I just disturbed the peace of one's soul. And I'll try not to do that again.
Things to learn from this moment, and from two others:
On the electric (fan) sock dryer:
Before you think that others are wasting energy and harming the environment, you should watch over your habit first.
On taking math exams
When feeling lost (of the happenings of the world), at least be able to ask one person about one deadline of one important task than can affect your life.
On having a good sleep
Finish what you ought to finish for today. Let tomorrow take care of itself.
Comments: (0)
Pierces
Date: Apr 12th, 2009 3:17:26 am - Subscribe
Mood: whiney
I was reading past emails which I should have been to, but I didn't.
A friend comments, "Everybody knows that you'd break your neck to hold your chin up."
A dorm mate sings "A Power of Two", saying "Cause I've seen the shadows of many people
Trying on the treasures of youth
But a road that fancy and fast
Ends in a fatal crash
To tell you the truth."
Comments: (1)
Distracted again
Date: Apr 2nd, 2009 12:11:55 am - Subscribe
Mood: psycho
Riding on a bus, I came back home in Manila hoping that the dawn will shine upon me, after a long series of unfortunate events, tragedies that plagued my understanding of myself that concerns my academic life, my relationships, and the friendships that I build for four years. I hope that there is one more chance on earth that I can be. I will search for that.
I always wanted to do a lot of things, and I realized that it only goes through my head. Sometimes I would think I want to be somebody like Matanglawin Kim Atienza, who was able to share his love for nature through his weekend TV program. I love sharing ideas and concepts to other people, trying to be wholesome, because I think there are so much things in my head that I can not contain. I remember the time when my cousin Kat told me one dull afternoon in the house that indeed, I am an intellectual person, someone who always asks where most of the time, the questions are not that important, but still I ask, so that even my words do not complement with the emotional attachment each supposes to have when spoken of. I have a low emotional quotient.
Or do I really have? I know I am a very personal person, someone who can't laugh in front of a huge crowd like in fast foods and malls, fearing that the people around me would be distracted and would stare at me with rage, so that when I talk to someone, I see to it that our distance is close enough so that we can hear each other, as if the line of communication is well-protected in between our arms. That way, while no other person can clearly hear our conversation, no one will never understand us, and will decide not to butt in.
I hesitate to write as many words as I can write, thinking that people will treat me as somebody who is special. I don't wanna elaborate more about that. Perhaps soon.
Comments: (0)
Encounter with the ADAA Boss
Date: Mar 7th, 2009 11:46:05 am - Subscribe
Mood: flippant
(To be edited)
Early morning, I wrote a letter to Dr. Calasanz, the Associate Dean for Academic Affairs. I looked for his complete name, because that's what going to appear in the addressee part of the paper. And so I found, "Dr. Eduardo Jose E. Calasanz" and read some info about him, "Fr. Dacanay's bestfriend", "Got A+ from Fr. Ferriols". So I thought, he's really good.
I had the chance to talk to Dr. Calasanz, the man behind the urban legend that he got an A+ from Fr. Ferriols (which I read when I searched on his name to know his full name). I had a problem with my load revision form. I forgot to furnish it to the accounting department and to the registrar, so that even though I already completed the course (I already took the final exam!), my grade will not counted under my second semester.
When I gave my incomplete load revision form and have been called by Dr. Calasanz, he said immediately as I entered the room, "Alam mo kung ano 'to? KATANGAHAN!" (Do you know what this is? Stubborness!" I was laughing but also embarassed, because I know that the two secretaries outside were listening to our conversation. Dr Calasanz was wondering why I did such a thing. He interrogated me, "What school do you come from?" I said, "Pisay." He may be thinking that I am making a joke. But I really am.
"Sir, is it true that you got an A+ from Fr. Ferriols?", He said, "No, no, that was only an urban legend. Even the article that was attributed to me was not mine." And there was comic relief.
He asked me to talk to one of the teachers in the Political Science Department if they will allow me to enlist in one of the classes without attending to it. I would need more personality power. And more, interesting mode.
I might take the class again, because I want to study the subject better, I guess.
Comments: (0)
When this happens
Date: Feb 21st, 2009 2:32:10 pm - Subscribe
Mood: gothic
They say, learning to love yourself
Is the greatest love of all.
I say, that happens when the world
has already told you,
"You better love yourself, because
the world does not love you anymore."
Why should I share my problems
If I can't solve my problems myself?
I always talk about myself
What I want to be
What I am doing
I never listen to what the other is really saying.
I didn't even become sensitive to their own feelings.
But, I will fix this. I will.
Comments: (0)