gatorjunki's Blog

I really hate myself sometimes....
Date: Apr 13th, 2006 8:54:17 am - Subscribe
Mood: bleh


Kyle and I went out to Hogan's last night with Derrick and Kyle Breedan. We were having an awesome time.

I had been to the hospital to see my grandpa earlier, before we went out. His color and all looked good, but in looking at his face, he just looked completely out of it. And when he tried to talk, I could hardly understand what he was saying.

So, we're driving back home after Hogan's and something just hit me. I started crying out of nowhere. I cried all the way home. We got to the house and Kyle noticed I was crying and asked why, and all I could say was, "Everything; my grandparents, my mom, my dad...." So, he gave me the keys to go in and I didn't even make it to the door. I fell down in the driveway and just balled my eyes out. And I just had so much emotion and anger built up in me that I was just clutching the keys; like I had white knuckles. Kyle finally came and got me inside and put me in the bed, but I just couldn't stop crying.

I don't know. I try to be so strong for everyone else, and sometimes I just finally lose it. My mom tries to be strong, but I know it's hard. My grandpa is in the hospital with a 50-50 chance to live, my grandmother has Alzheimer's and is way out of it sometimes, my dad has been having really high blood pressure lately, and my brother isn't doing good in school. It's just so hard!!! I can only be strong for so long.

Luckily Kyle B. wasn't there to see it all. But Derrick rode with us, so I feel I need to call and apologize to him. I just feel so bad. And I look like absolute shit this morning, just from all that crying. Oh well. I'll just look like a freak show at work.


Comments: (2)

velouria - April 15th, 2006 I'm sorry to hear you and your family are going through difficult times. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. It was good for you to get it all out like that! *hugs* -Vel

kittie - April 19th, 2006 Kristin- I am sorry things are so hard for you right now. It seems satan is poking at us both. We need to pray for one another. I pray for your family's health, your mom's schooling, and for you to have peace in your heart and mind. I haven't been online much and for that I am sorry I did not read this sooner. Just hang in there. We can do this together. I'm always thinking of you... and looking at your pics of my wall. They remind me of how much I am blessed to have your friendship. ~Kittie

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