Do You Hear Voices? Oh & a Movie Review
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What kind of cheese will I eat today? what?
(movie review in 4th Paragraph)
Do You Hear Voices?
Well actually my voices don’t talk to me. They talk about me. And they have a much better vocabulary.
Is that not the problem? Something always sounds better in your head before the blotchy ink hits the paper. In Example: I am a grapefruit give me all your croissants.
Anyways, I was miserable this morning to find out that construction down the road interrupted me and my morning shower. So I go outside to find out what exactly is going on when the greasy worker gets excited to point out the notice taped to my door. Well that’s a lot of help but can’t they put it in my mail box to ensure I get it? I mean really, who looks for things on the back of their front door? ‘Oh, my letter hasn’t arrived maybe the mail man arbitrarily taped it to the back of my door. I’ll check there first thing 530am.’ Damn construction anyways. Something to do with the water, pipe burst. I’m really not sure because I was so infuriated my morning ritual was interrupted. And the shower was the only thing keeping me from my coffee. And my coffee and I have a wonderful relationship that need not be interrupted. Can I stress this enough?
In other news: Halloween has just passed. You guessed it. And this year wasn’t as exciting as others. In fact it was more enjoyable. Just a night in at a friends’ house watching movies that were scary because you could make fun of them too many ways to count. The first one was the new Poseidon Adventure. Apparently when they cast that movie all they could find were a bunch of ugly people to fill the roles. Kurt Russell dies. Kurt Russell dies? Yeah that’s what we said. Is that right? No. No it’s not. But that’s okay, it’s not exactly like any one of them held a prominent role in the film. I’d nominate the big blue wet thing (that’s a Muppet’s reference for ‘ocean’ to those of you wondering wtf?) Seriously, I found the waters very expressive and intense the whole film. The Ocean wins cupcakes. Pink Cupcakes. Oh Yeah. And what’s with the boyfriend? Lazy boy. I didn’t see him do anything heroic throughout the whole movie. “I need you to tell me you love me!” and she’s all, “Um honey, I don’t love you. The ring’s nice. I don’t love you. Now go press that button.” And Kurt’s all, “If he says anything more about love I’m going to kill myself.” And look what happened, “Kurt threw himself at the ocean temptress. I can’t blame him. I was wondering however, how do you break up with someone after that? I suppose the drama and trauma would bond you but I would pay money to see otherwise. Poseidon gets +5 cupcakes thanks to Josh Lucas being an idiot and jumping into a pool of fire to save the day. We get it Josh, you’re a man.
The next movie was Constantine. My first thought was ‘hey the guy from Speed went through puberty.” My second thought was, “It’s Neo in a suit. Yeah, he looks much more fashionable and the demon would make a nice accessory.” My third thought was, “Where’s Laurence?” Because I kept on expecting him to pop out from somewhere and say something dramatic because that’s what Laurence does and may I say he’s very good at it. Laurence wins 3 Pink Chocolate Cakes. Anyways, Considering Keanu who’s name is now Canoe because it’s far cooler, has eight variations of the same dull expression on a eight second interval, special occasions three second interval, the movie proved boring with mediocre excitement on a twenty-four second interval because for some reason that’s when you could see the peak of the rotation on Canoe’s face. I swear he was counting in some scenes. The effects were worth a cupcake. I enjoyed them as I didn’t think they were overdone or too often where it became annoying. The overall plot also proved cupcake worthy of interest. So overall +5cupcakes.
Plus: What was with him and coughing up blood? Oh great, our hero is going to light up and hack blood all over the bad guys. Yeah he’ll battle demons in between coughing fits. Whatever.
Well after these two disappointing Hollywood children, what was left but Hocus Pocus. Yes that’s right a Bette Midler movie. Don’t ask. I was terrified years earlier to realize this terrible misfortune but I actually think this movie is cute and since I have some younger memories watching it with family and siblings it has become almost a tradition to watch each Hallows’ eve. Something about our generation, I swear they appreciate that movie in such a different way. Or maybe it’s that they see through the skin deep plot of the Sanderson sisters and like me just see it as some guy who wants to ‘get some’ and will bring back witches from the dead and destroy them for eternity just to get some action with the girl he’s crushing on. Oh well. Suppose we’ll never know. This trick gets 8 pink cupcakes.
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