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ardent
Megan Diane Oleksy
Mood: bothered
I haven't blogged in awhile, but I'm having a very tough time right now. My friend Diane died last Tues [31st] and it's just a really tough time... she was such a beautiful person and her prom and graduation were so close...
"A true gift from above," wrote one friend. "You've brightened so many lives with your contagious laugh and smile."
Oleksy, a senior at Iroquois known to her friends by her middle name Diane, was traveling northbound on Four Rod Road when she failed to stop or yeild the right of way to a westbound garbage truck, Erie County Sheriff's deputies said.
The crash occurred at about 3:55 p.m.
The driver of the garbage truck, Michael P. Swartz, 29, of Marilla, tried to avoid the collission, but struck Oleksy's car on the passenger's side, deputies said.
Mercy Flight took Oleksy, of Clinton Street in Marilla, to the Erie County Medical Center, where she later died.
An investigation into the crash is continuing, deputies said.
Flags were lowered to half staff Wednesday in memory of Oleksy, who was a member of the school's cheerleading squad.
"This is an exteremely sad time for all of us at Iroquois," School Superintendent Neil A. Rochelle wrote in a letter to parents, faculty and staff Wednesday.
"Iroquois is like a family," he added. "When one of us hurts, we all hurt. We are here to support each other and support our students and staff."
Counselors from Iroquois and the East Aurora School District are on hand at the school to meet with students this week, Rochelle said. "I have also invited some area clergy for those who wish to speak with them."
Oleksy had received a scholarship to St. Bonaventure University in the fall.
"While there is never a good time for a tragedy such as this, it is particularly difficult as students are looking forward to their senior awards ceremony, their prom and their graduation."
According to friends, Oleksy was fond of the character Ariel in Disney's "The Little Mermaid."
"We will never forget our Little Mermaid," one chalk message outside the school said.
Oleksy had just dropped her mother off at work when the crash occurred, authorities said. She received her driver's license last week.
Oleksy had faced adversity in her own life. Her father died of cancer when she was a child, and her brother died last fall.
"Diane was a young lady who has faced quite a bit of adversity in her short life but at the same time had a spirit and a smile that could brighten a room," Rochelle said, adding, "As evidenced by the outpouring of sorrow and support from her friends and classmates last night and this morning, I know that she will be missed."
Comments: (3)
Wednesday - 20 April 2005 @ 5:31:36 am - Subscribe
ardentYo yo yooooo
Mood: cosmic
Tune: Blonde Redhead - Loved Despite of Great Faults
people stumble around as if playing charades on a larger scale. clueless to the outside their eyes are turned inward though this eyesight is distorted. disillusioned i struggle to crawl through this mass of zombies, but my efforts prove to be futile. my fragile butterfly wings rip to shreds, the magical stardust mixing with the ever-polluted air. the thickened fog swirls around almost arrogantly as it squashes what is left of beating hearts and buzzing minds. where the soul is supposed to be is a swirling frigid air, a vacancy with no invitation to intrude. the world is obnoxiously noisy but at the same time terrifyingly silent save for the erratic screams of dying pilgrims. contained amongst itself is a nation of nothing; a pride that stands for naught; a mind that's made of discarded syringes of heroin junkies. a prize in this life is unattainable unless you are god or a tyrant that hits the jackpot of cheap labour. what proof is there of our wonderful existence? empty, rotting cardboard containers decorated with toxic golden arches... a mass of people with no definite identity; children with diseases; houses made of tin. royalty turns away from such pathetic misery and entertain themselves with sugarless powder that can transform them into something else. glowing boxes speak the truth, spitting out their lies with forked tongues and fake, plastic smiles. youth slipping away? not to worry: poison yourself and those problems will go away (what they dont tell you is that it slowly chips away at your life) - but that's okay - what is life besides a drawn-out play in which the audience is sleeping? you get no standing ovation when you're dead. you get a box and a plot of land, and maybe some flowers if you're lucky enough. the curtains are windowless. time tells the clock. find a penny pick it up. money makes the world go round. all day long you'll have good luck. all we need is love... love of dead presidents frozen forever in a stern green pose. never give up but don't try too hard, you might hurt yourself. this is America, land of the Beautiful thanks to plastic surgeons. we're all Barbies and Kens here. Home of the brave, yep. just watch any movie. inflate our egos a little more. one for you and two for me. if you don't like it, sue the bastards. if that doesn't work oh well you're screwed. pose as an intellectual and take on as many disorders as you can remember. people will automatically love you for your suffering genius. pretend you're something you're not and stress individuality as you shun people who are different from you. go ahead, be a rebel without a cause, fight a war with no meaning and no participants but your own demons. pretend to know everything about worldly matters so people will truly believe in you. how many licks does it take to find the bitter surprise? it's tantalizing, like a drug you had once and can't forget the way it made you feel. no one can change the world, except maybe you because remember, in your little world you are BELOVED. your word is TRUTH. you are GOD. justifications not needed. misery loves company and the world is attending an orgy. if life sucks, it does, and so do you. be cool, player, and maybe you'll hit the big time. dance beneath the pomegranate trees and sing a melodious tune, while the darkness plays at your golden sandaled feet. nothing is scary during euphoria. nothing can break this cosmic-induced high. break this stigmata and the world will end. i'll tell you a secret: there are none. we're just too stupid to see what's in front of our faces. there is never an easy way out' we must have a challenge to remind ourselves of our superiority. take no prisoners, unless they encroach on your brainspace in which case they should be destroyed immediately. we create history every day but it's not important because it hasn't been written down and edited. there are multiple infinities and i encourage you to find them. i have faith in you despite your lack of self-love. wait why waste your time when you could be doing something more profound, like cooking your skin to match the metal bronze? it is so pleasing to the eye, or at least the brainwashed eye. but "i don't want to get old" is honestly coaxing death to your bed. sleep is death's little brother and i'm having a passionate love affair with him. when will his brother grow jealous and want me for his own? it's hard to say. any day now, anywhere he could come to court me. this tragedy happens every day but the end is just the beginning and the beginning is just the ending. the earth dies and is born every day but we don't notice. nothing of importance is important. beauty is in the eye of the beholded but the eye is distracted by other things. trivial, yes. monumental, yes. awaken and go back to sleep, my dear wanderer. sing to the gentle wind and speak of no evil. don't listen to the beckoning. wear a scarlet dress and frolic on the moon. i envy the ephereal phantom that whispers into deaf ears, "the night sleeps most deeply."
Oh yeah, btw. My sn has been changed. It is now nausikaa namaste for anyone who would like to contact me. I don't bite, I promise. I can actually hold an intelligent conversation. :P
Today is the anniversary of the Columbine incident... RIP everyone involved.
Comments: (5)
Wednesday - 8 December 2004 @ 2:38:19 am - Subscribe
ardentMeow?
Mood: like eating pizza.
Tune: Garbage - I Would Die For You
Time for an update. I haven't written in a long time.
My brother and Dana are getting married on the 27th. I'm standing up in their wedding, unfortunately. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't feel honoured that they asked me - I just hate people watching me and looking at me and judging me. It sucks. Hahaha.
Life is the same, really. I'll try to write more often. Expressing myself is therapeutic (sp?) and I need all the help I can get.
Comments: (1)
Monday - 1 November 2004 @ 7:31:06 pm - Subscribe
ardentWow.
Mood: like napping.
Tune: Golden Palominoes - Holy
An update from the long forgetten Ardent! What is up with my life, do you ask? Not much. Really. I'm only updating because I'm home from school early... I didn't feel good so the nurse let me go. Hells yeah, bitches!!!! Haaha.
Okay sooooo yeah I've been going to Goodleburg Cemetery a lot lately, because it's one of the most haunted cemeteries in the nation. And I get the feeling they don't like me there. Friday night, upon leaving, my windshield wipers turned on and wouldn't shut off and my left signal wouldn't work. BUT only when the headlights are on. Isn't that odd? It is a Ford though, and Fords suck. But still. I think the spirits don't want me there. Hahaha.
I am disgusted with myself because I've gained a few pounds and therefore I am beginning to crash diet again. For those of you who don't know how I do that, don't ask. "Preach not to others what they should eat, but eat as becomes you, and be silent." Live by that and you'll be fine, at least when you're around me. I hate when people nag me about eating. If I don't want to eat then I don't want to eat, and fuck you if you think it's wrong. GOOD, I hope that it's bad for me! I like it, and thus I will continue restricting. Healthy? Not really. Do I care? Not really. Do I want to get all sickly thin and bony and die? No. That's not the point. But yeah... enough about that.
I have a lot of writing to do for English and Comp/Writ and I believe my Sociology project is due tomorrow. FUCKNUT I forgot to pick up this homework for Physics... but I don't think I have it tomorrow so whatever. I am failing Physics anyway because I'm a failure at life. Hahahaha. School and work and play are way too exhausting... blah. So yeaaaaaaah tonight is my last night and then tomorrow I'm going on a fast to detox myself from the evils of food in general. Wish me luck, me hearties! (Yo ho?)
Comments: (0)
Monday - 1 November 2004 @ 3:30:44 am - Subscribe
ardentThinger.
Mood: sleepy.
Comments: (1)
Wednesday - 20 October 2004 @ 7:15:09 pm - Subscribe
ardentW00T
Mood: like going crazy!
I got my license on Monday! Which is amazing! I thought I would fail my road test for sure. But I didn't!!!! I've already found out how easy it is to go broke and how important it is to have gas money. :x Hahaha. That's the news in my life. :D
Comments: (6)
Tuesday - 5 October 2004 @ 1:51:41 am - Subscribe
ardentAGH!
Mood: like going to sleep!
Tune: ---
Just a quick update - I'm working regularly now so I don't have much time for anything besides school, schoolwork, and work itself... but if you need me feel free to im me. If anything realllllllllly important happens I'll probably write it in here.
My dad bought me a car! A white 1990 Oldsmobile Cutlass Ciera. A whole lot better than the Escort I've been driving.
Comments: (2)
Sunday - 26 September 2004 @ 1:34:26 pm - Subscribe
ardent-Yawn-
Mood: slightly stressed out.
Tune: ---
G'morning emo bloggers. It's Sunday. Unfortunately. Which means I have school tomorrow. Let's see what I have to do before tomorrow...
I'm glad I woke up early. Tomorrow I have a study hall first period so I can sleep... but I don't have a lunch and for the rest of the day I have important classes. I also have to stay at school until 8:30 because I'm taking my pre-licensing course, and it's five hours long. So yeah... that'll be oh-so-much fun. But at least I'll be that much closer to getting my license!
Comments: (2)
Thursday - 23 September 2004 @ 11:59:05 pm - Subscribe
ardent:D
Mood: like eating an apple.
Tune: Step Forward - Acid in the Rain
I am still alive and kicking. Right now I'm looking at Adobe Premier 6.0 wondering how to use it. For Physics, I'm doing a project with Hillary and we're going to video tape people trying to do something physically impossible... and fall trying. So I want to like, put some parts in slow mo and put a song to the background. It seems pretty complicated... any tips would be great but don't post them here, send them to me either through my sn or my email. (fervent@gmail.com, ardent emo girl) Yeah sooooo I have a list of 43 things I need to do in the next few days and only about three are crossed out. Hahaha! I'm so busy. So I'll update later.
Comments: (2)
Wednesday - 22 September 2004 @ 1:01:31 am - Subscribe
ardentDescriptive essay.
Mood: orgasmic.
Tune: Paul Oakenfold - This Is Trance
Most people with older siblings know what it's like to grow up, moving cautiously from thing to thing, trying to stay away from the teasing and the criticism. And most also know what it's like when both of you are older and look back at those memories with a certain fondness, despite all of the upset it caused when it was taking place. For me it's no different, and when I look back on the memories I have with my older brother they make me laugh.
When I was younger, I was very gullible, as most children are. I looked up to my brother even though he teased me and made me cry often, and because of this idolatry I would believe everything he said. One of the most vivid memories I have is of sitting in my aunt and uncle's house, with my older cousin and my brother. They put in the movie "Child's Play" and we watched it from the beginning to the end. That movie absolutely terrified me, and both my brother and my cousin knew. They took my upstairs to my cousin's room, and my cousin opened his closet and looked in it, when all of a sudden he was in the closet with the door closed. He was yelling and banging on the door, screaming that Chucky and the Boogey Man had him. Meanwhile, my brother grabbed a hold of me and feigned fright, whispering that we had to help Adam! So he dragged me to the closet door, and slowly opened it, whereupon Adam jumped out and scared the daylights out of me! That would have been bad enough, but then they shoved me into the closet and I was afraid Chucky would get me. I was afraid of the dark for a long time because of this, and still to this day will not watch the movie "Child's Play." I don't let my brother and cousin forget about this and at every family gathering someone brings it up or wants to hear the story. I laugh about it now, as does everyone else in my family, but I know I disliked my brother for that for awhile and had held that against him for many years.
As we both grew older, our relationship changed for the better. Both he and I matured and the teasing gradually stopped, although occasionally he still finds something to pester me about. He went to college, and despite how I said I was so happy to have him gone I missed having him around the house. Not only did he have a car and could act as my personal taxi service, but I still idolized him. Although he has made many mistakes in his life, so have I, and despite his blunders I still find him to be a perfect older brother. During his college years, he would call me up and ask me to write an essay or two for him, which gave me the opportunity to tease him! He was asking a high school student to write college essays for him, and on top of that he used to tease me for liking to read and write. But I couldn't complain, because he paid me well, and he couldn't complain because he would receive great grades on the papers I wrote for him.
After he was done with college, my brother made the decision to join the Army. I thought this was a very honourable thing for him to do, however I was also anxious because of the situation going on in Iraq. While my brother was in Georgia completing his Basic Training, we wrote many letters to each other. I came to look forward to getting the mail everyday after school, hoping I would have a letter from him. The days that I did I would be smiling before I even opened the letter. He wrote to me about how he appreciates how our relationship has changed, and that he's sure I am too. More was said in those letters than we have ever said in person, probably because it is so much more easy when it's not face to face. He gave me advice about high school and college and urged me not to make the same mistakes as he did. We also talked about our younger brother, J.T., and he told me some day I would be in his position talking to J.T. like an equal instead of teasing him like we both do now. I took everything he had to say to heart, especially about "living it up" during my high school years. My brother is a tough guy, some would call him obnoxious at times, but he really cares about his friends and family. When he still lived at home, I was downstairs in his room with him and a friend of his, watching the video tape from their “Back to the Future” dance. At the end was the senior slideshow, with pictures of each student as a child and then their senior pictures. My brother had tears in his eyes as he watched this, remembering all the good times he had in high school. Right then and there he told me that I shouldn’t waste this time I have with my friends because once you go to college, you only hang on to a few of them. Ever since that day I have tried to do as he said, and I am having the best time of my life with my friends. Every time I get into arguments with my friends I think back to how he looked, his aquamarine eyes slightly red and teary, as he basically spilled his heart to me. That changes everything and has allowed me to treasure my friendships.
When Jason was ready to graduate from Basic Training and move on to his Airborne and Special Forces training, my mother and I flew down to Georgia along with his girlfriend. I was so excited to see my brother; I wanted to see how much he changed after having been "smoked" and pushed to his physical and mental limits. I had no worries that he wouldn’t be able to handle it, but I knew that he would be changed forever by his experiences there. I was waiting with baited breath to catch a glimpse of my brother amongst all of the soldiers that were marching in formation, and I finally saw him. He looked so different, so much older and proud, standing there in his dress greens, his stance perfect. My brother is tall, broad in the shoulders, with a very trim athletic shape to him, and he fits the description of a soldier perfectly. He had gone into training with his hair already shaved close to his head, which he was razzed for, so he looked even more the part. After the special awards were given, we were allowed five minutes to talk to our soldier. I let his girlfriend, his friends, and my mom hug him before I got my chance, and when I hugged him I was so glad to see him! That night we were allowed to take him off base for dinner, and I could tell he had matured a lot during his training. He only teased me once, but I knew it wasn’t meant to bother me but it was more of an affectionate thing. I didn’t get to talk to him much because of his friends and his girlfriend, but the next day was his "Turning Blue" ceremony.
Once again I had to look for my brother amongst all of the identically dressed soldiers, and when I found him I was filled with a pride so large I thought I would burst! My brother was the best of the best and successfully completed his Special Forces training, and had the blue cord around his shoulder to prove it. We were again allowed to take him off base, and this time he was allowed to spend the weekend with us. He talked about all of his experiences, and invited some of his “war buddies” over. They all retold their stories while they were laughing, and everyone who listened was shocked at the things they had to do! It was amazing for me to see that my older brother, who used to tease me constantly and acted so immature most of the time did something like this. Again we didn’t really talk to each other but just sitting next to him was enough; to have his companionship again was a nice thing. I had really missed him when he was gone.
Currently, my brother is still in the United States completing the next step of his Special Forces training. We don’t write anymore, because he is only staying there temporarily, but we talk on the phone. We mostly talk about school, and how I’m getting my license soon, and he still gives me advice. I miss him and I am glad he isn’t in Iraq, because everyone in my family would constantly be anxious about that. Next weekend he is coming home, not only to visit but also to propose to his girlfriend on her birthday. It is a very weird situation because sometimes I still think of my brother as his immature self, and to think that he is going to get married just makes me realize how much older we’re both getting. It also makes me think of my younger brother and how one day he’ll be saying the same things about me and how we’ve both grown up so much. However, I’m excited that he has found someone he wants to spend his life with and that he is going about proposing in such a romantic way. It totally goes against the grain of the "tough guy" facade he tried to use during his high school and college years, and allows me to see what kind of a person he really is. And I love him for being that person.
Comments: (6)
Monday - 20 September 2004 @ 9:59:42 am - Subscribe
ardentAmazing!
Mood: stuffed up.
Tune: ---
Last night was awesome! I went to the movies with Joshua and Amanda "Agent Herpes" Scafetta. (I'm Agent Crabs, btw...) Well anyway I drove to her house and then my dad drove away... five minutes later he's back laughing and saying he was thinking he was only dropping me off... he forgot I was driving us to the movies. So yeah, Amanda and Joshua are like obsessing over my sexy car because it is just so amazingly gorgeous. Hahahahaha jk! They didn't really. But they did like it. It was just my luck, I managed to drive from red light to red light. However on Southwestern I raced this guy hahahahahahahaha!!!! I don't know if he realized it... but I did! I was driving along minding my own business and he started to pass me so I sped up and I was laughing hysterically and so were Amanda and Joshua... then at the red light he stopped ahead of me so I crept up until I was past him and I looked over thinking "MY LITTLE ESCORT OWNS YOUR CAR!" It was great. I think this will become a habit. Bwahahahahah. So we get to the movies and we get our tickets blah blah blah. We saw The Village, which had an interesting plot but the acting really sucked. Seriously, I think I was laughing the hardest when the blind girl was running (blindly) through the forest with that stick. She looked like she was playing field hockey. And then when the mentally challenged kid dies and he twitches right before he goes... maybe I just have a sick sense of humour. But Amanda was laughing too. In general that movie made me laugh. I already knew what was going to happen though, because I read a book with a similar plot. Anyway it's not worth it to pay $8 to see it, don't do it. I got in for free because I had movie passes. Next weekend we're going to go see Napoleon Dynamite, cos we're cool like that. And I might even race more cars on Southwestern.
Comments: (4)
Sunday - 19 September 2004 @ 3:17:36 am - Subscribe
ardentMoi.
Mood: .
Tune: ---
C'est moi! Je suis tres moche.
Comments: (3)
Saturday - 18 September 2004 @ 9:01:50 pm - Subscribe
ardentWell...
Mood: hurty from my headache.
Tune: ---
Today I had to go to a meeting at Williamsville East HS about the student ambassador program People to People. See, I can go to Australia/New Zealand for 20 days and stay with a host family and go to school and do other amazing things... like scuba diving and seeing the Great Barrier Reef...
It sounds amazing. Melanie was there... I didn't know she was involved with it, but apparently she went to Brazil last year. I want to go. It's like $5000+ though... I don't know what my parents think. They haven't said anything yet. I could fundraise, it's not impossible to do. But I think it would be an experience of a lifetime.
Comments: (4)
Wednesday - 15 September 2004 @ 7:24:11 pm - Subscribe
ardent:D
Mood: like grass.
Tune: ---
Seems like I haven't been updating a lot but you can thank schoolwork for that. They keep me busy... and I applied online for a cashier job at Tops the other day so hopefully... soon work will keep me occupied as well. Today is a sad day because Gertrude Agnes is no longer with us. (See previous post.) Hahahaha. Today in school, I had to do an oral presentation of a biography of my partner and she had to do one on me. Let's just say it was interesting... lmfao. She told the class I used to play pilgrims on my front porch and Jurassic park in my yard... good times. Eva even got mentioned, w00t. And so did my "lovely" family... haha.
Well I have to go feed the animals and myself and then start my huge pile of homework, so I'll update if anything important happens.
Comments: (4)
Tuesday - 14 September 2004 @ 1:23:04 am - Subscribe
ardentPfjkhfd.
Mood: Bored.....
Tune: Matchbook Romance - Hollywood and Vine
Not much to update. I'm seriously sick of school already... I have school pictures tomorrow and I look like crap >:/ And they didn't have the size my mom wanted in black and white so I'm forced to get coloured ones. Haaha. My life is so boring. I took a nap until 6 tonight and there's no way I'll be able to fall asleep at a regular time. Plus, I still have to shower. But yeah...
*the following might gross out those of the male gender* I haven't had my period in two months and umm my chest kind of hurts so I typed it into google and everything was like "The First Signs of Being Pregnant" so I laughed and typed my stuff into a due date calculator and it says my baby is due March 22, is 9cm long currently, has human profile, and fingernail development... hahahaha so I named it Gertrude Agnes with the help of Ashley. And no, I'm not pregnant, but I think it's hilarious. I guewss I'm just PMSing... but everything was about pregnancy and I found that extremely funny.
Comments: (2)
Monday - 13 September 2004 @ 2:50:55 am - Subscribe
ardentOompa doompa...
Mood: Better, a little.
Tune: Yellowcard - Only One
I have school tomorrow and I don't want to go! And Amanda is trying to talk me into going to Homecoming and I refuse! I hate dances! I don't do dances! I rave/mosh... and go to parties... but I definitely do not go to dances.
Comments: (1)
Sunday - 12 September 2004 @ 4:09:28 am - Subscribe
ardentHm...
Mood: Angered.
Tune: The Promise Ring - Electric Pink
Yeah. Ok. So it's a Saturday night, I'm sixteen years old, and I'm not doing anything. It's great. I have people that consider themselves my friends, who I only see at school and very rarely outside of it... yeah ok so you're doing stuff with your other friends? Why not ask me along? Am I that much of a drag? I introduce all of you people to my friends that you may not know. Forget you all. I'd rather be by myself forever then have fair weather friends or semi-friends. :] Fuck you all.
But if you are a true friend then kindly, disregard the above. You know who you are. If you have to ask, then you must have doubts about our friendship.
Comments: (4)
Saturday - 11 September 2004 @ 5:11:30 pm - Subscribe
ardentDream!
Mood: Half asleep.
Tune: ---
I had the weirdest dream ever last night. I was watching my little brother at night, and my parents came home and there was a message on our answering machine. So my dad played it and listened to it, and it was about terrorists threatening to kill my younger brother, JT. So my parents start flipping out and my dad is like, "JT PUT YOUR HANDS INTO YOUR POCKETS! THEY MIGHT BE WATCHING!" (I don't know what this was supposed to have done... it was a dream...) They started stringing up Christmas lights to make the house brighter inside, and I was shutting and locking all the doors and closing the blinds and curtains etc. We made a "bed" underneath the kitchen table for JT and I was sitting there with him. My mom told my dad to go to Drunns (??) and buy the "stuff" - which, in my dream I knew it meant outfits that had bullet proof vests and had everything you could possibly need when you're in this kind of a situation. But he never did, because suddenly I was like, "OH NO!!! I LEFT THE WINDOW IN MY BEDROOM OPEN!!!!" And my dad is like "Oh shit!" So me, my dad and our cat (?) are walking down the hallway to my room. My dad enters my room, turns on the light and looks around, and I notice a huge gash in the screen that wasn't there before. While my dad shuts and locks the window and pulls the shade down, I look at the computer in my room that was turned on. And on the screen it was typed that now they wanted Danielle, too. Which is me!!! So I freak out and run back into the kitchen and sit under the table with JT. Out of the corner of my eye I see two black kids, about the same age as JT, creep through the hallway smiling at me. So I like point to them and I'm like "OMG!" And then my parents both look, and stand in front of me and JT... and a bunch of adults show up in the hallway and two of them draw guns and point them at us. Then, miraculously, someone appears behind us with a machine gun and shoots them all... though I don't see the blood and gore because I'm staring at this hero guy. So that was that... then it switches to the next day when everything is peachy and some girl who I'm assuming was my friend was over, and we go outside during the day and I'm all paranoid about who's out there because of the night before.
And no, I didn't watch TV before I went to bed, so I don't know where this came from, lmao.
Comments: (3)
Friday - 10 September 2004 @ 10:59:25 pm - Subscribe
ardentGrrrrrrrr.......
Mood: Hurt.
Tune: ---
When I was in the car with my parents my dad was telling me how I needed to get a job. And I was like, "How am I going to juggle homework and a job?" And he's like "Boy what are you gonna do in college then blah blah blah..." and my mom goes, "Gee, Danielle, you're making Jason look good!" Jason almost didn't graduate HS. He never got a degree in college though he was there for 4.25 years. He's fucked up in other areas too. The worst I've ever done is get ISS for two days in the seventh grade. I've never had detention. My brother egged/applesauced his own bus. He rarely attended his classes in HS. Yeah he had a job but he wasn't a straight A student and didn't do any of his homework. I don't think my mom realises what a hurtful thing that was to say... I already feel like I'm never going to live up to my brother because he joined the Army, Special Forces branch no less. >:/ I don't want to get a job because I'm scared. I hate new people, I hate new situations where I have no clue what to do. I sweat. I get nervous. I make mistakes. I feel like a dumbass for the littlest things and it doesn't take much for me to cry about them. I think I have social anxiety disorder... I really do. That's the real reason why I've been dragging my feet when it comes to getting a job. I have no confidence in my ability to adapt to a job or learn what to do and then do it efficiently. I know it's irrational... I can't explain why I feel the way I do... I just know that I do. These things truly scare me. They always have. I mean, new years at school or whatever don't bother me, because I know I'm good in school. But things like meeting a new group of people, going on an interview, being taught how to do new things [hands on], driving, etc etc really scare the living shit out of me and I feel totally helpless. I don't think I've ever told anyone these things until now... and it's posted for everyone to see. But I don't really care, because it's the honest truth.
Comments: (2)
Friday - 10 September 2004 @ 7:22:58 pm - Subscribe
ardentHum de dum.
Mood: Hungry!!!!!!!!
Tune: The Distillers - House Of Mirrors
School was pretty boring today, like usual. I have math homework, more terms and another essay for AP US, AP English homework, and homework for Comp/Writ. Not too bad, but enough to make me growl. Hahaha. I don't have much to report, really. We're going to be writing an analytical composition on love (he didn't go into specifics yet) in Comp/Writ, and that should be very interesting. I could write a ten page paper on that easily, haha. But he wants us to research it, and he said he's going to give us some websites to look at or summat. SOO when he finally tells us specifically what we're doing I'll start on that right away.
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