how now brown cow?
should i just go ahead with this rash decision of mine? my parents will LITERALLY skin me alive.
or should i change to another local university?
i am so confused.
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the title says it all. how now brown cow? should i just go ahead with this rash decision of mine? my parents will LITERALLY skin me alive. or should i change to another local university? i am so confused.
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| and the tears just won't stop flowing. |
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I am so tired. I have rashes so I look UGLY and I am ugly to begin with so my near zero self-esteem has plunged to an all-time low of negative. For the first time in my life, I haven't prepared for an exam. I am screwed. It's all bullshit when they say junior college is the worst time in your life. Trust me, the worst has yet to come. I'm having an on-off cold relationship with my parents now. It's taxing. I feel sad and stifled about it. I hate it whenever they question me about my studies. Somehow, they being concerned about me is interpreted by my heart as irritating. And it gets on my nerves. So I minimize talking to them so as to avoid being questioned (to no avail). What's more, mummy refuses to let me continue staying in hall. Now that, makes me angry. I know she's concerned about my junk food eating spree (health). I am concerned about it too (for a very contrasting reason - fat). I abhor what's going on now - conflicting thoughts. I don't want to disappoint my parents yet I want to do it my way. But ultimately, I still do it theirs, simply due to the Confucius mindset that has been deeply ingrained and etched in my mind and heart. Be filial to your parents. It's an easy thing to do, really. But what's difficult is accepting the actions that justify being filial. It's not easy to stay alive. I'm still struggling. But I'm afraid I'm losing this fight. At times like this, I lose even the strength to put on a false facade and smile. |