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little by little eyes growing smaller and smaller a sparkle in your pupil brightens up your face warm and jovial atmosphere breaks the ice amongst one another behind the facade lies a dark side flooded with selfish thoughts negative thoughts trying to break free but the superficial smile coupled with a cunning mind suppresses the tumultuous disturbance within voices echo in your mind telling you how ugly you look how insignificant you are how lousy and incapable you are how redundant you are how incomparable you are with everyone else harder and harder, the voices pound against your ears the walls of your heart engulfing your soul deepening your misery and sorrow is there for you silent wails for help that fall upon deaf ears no one, no one is there you're alone, solitary, lonely is smile never stop smiling please, don't |
super unproductive ![]() been pigging out. and i gained 3kg in 1.5 months. hall life is simply too happening. hopefully i'll be able to starve myself skipped school. as usual. oh but no, i do not hold the record for skipping the most number of lessons. my friend does. he's totally awesome. HAHA. today was, minus the productivity problem, a generally fun day. i love my hall and the people but not the politics. if only i was richer, a millionaire, or better, a billionaire. then i can stop all these nonsensical politics with money. bribery. but ain't that stooping to their level? i don't know. perhaps, yes, it is. am i despicable? is this the way of life? i don't know. so kick me out of the hall.i strive to finish what i aim to do today. and so i shall
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faster and faster beneath that cool and composed exterior you hesitate you hold back even though you wish to give it a go a sense of apprehensiveness washes over you knocks down your senses heightens your insecurities leaving you vulnerable to remain a coward finding excuses for yourself to hide and run away escape from the music and pretend nothing happened |
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read this somewhere. it's time to brush up my chinese reading skills :| 魚對水說:你看不見我的眼淚,因為我在水中。 水對魚說;我能感覺到你的眼淚,因為你在我心中。 我不是魚,你也不是水。你能看見我寂寞的眼淚嗎? // translation fish to water: you can't see my tears as i'm in the water water to fish: i can feel your tears as you're in my heart i'm not the fish. you aren't the water. can you see my lonely tears? 魚對水說:我永遠不會離開你,因為離開你,我無法生存。 水對魚說:我知道,可是如果你的心不在呢? 我不是魚,你也不是水。我不離開你是因為我愛你。 可是,你的心裏有我嗎? // translation fish to water: i will never leave you as once i leave you, i can't survive water to fish: i know, but what if your heart isn't here? i'm not the fish. you aren't the water. i can't leave you because i love you. but, am i inside your heart? 魚對水說:我很寂寞,因為我只能待在水中。 水對魚說:我知道,因為我的心裏裝著你的寂寞。 我不是魚,你也不是水。我寂寞是因為我思念你。 可是,遠方的你能感受到嗎? // translation fish to water: i'm very lonely as i can only stay in the water water to fish: i know. it's because my heart is filled with your loneliness i'm not the fish. you aren't the water. my loneliness is because i miss you. but you, so far away, can you feel it? 魚對水說:如果沒有魚,那水裏還會剩下什麼? 水對魚說:如果沒有你,那又怎麼會有我? 我不是魚,你也不是水。沒有你的愛,我依然會好好的活。 可是,好好的活並不代表我可以把你忘記。 // translation fish to water: if there's no fish, then what will the water be left? water to fish: if there's no you, how will there be me? i'm not the fish. you aren't the water. without your love i will still live on but, living on does not mean that i can forget you 魚對水說:一輩子不能出去看看外面的世界,是我最大的遺憾。 水對魚說:一輩子不能打消你的這個念頭,是我最大的失敗。 我不是魚,你也不是水。現在的我只想要一個一輩子的承諾。 可是,你負擔得起嗎? // translation fish to water: my biggest regret is that i'm unable to take a look at the world outside water to fish: my biggest failure is that i'm unable to abolish such thoughts of yours i'm not the fish. you aren't the water. now, i only want a lifelong commitment but, can you give one? 魚對水說:在你的一生中,我是第幾條魚? 水對魚說:你不是在水中的第一條魚,但卻是在我心中的第一條。 我不是魚,你也不是水。我們都不是彼此生命中的第一個, 可是,你知道嗎?你卻是我第一個想愛的人。 // translation fish to water: in your life, i am the which (number) fish? (sorry this part sounds grammatically weird) water to fish: you aren't the first fish, but you're the first in my heart i'm not the fish. you aren't the water. we both aren't the first in each others' lives but, do you know? you're the first whom i want to love 魚對水說:你相信一見鍾情嗎? 水對魚說:當我意識到你是魚的那一刻,就知道你會遊到我的心裏。 我不是魚,你也不是水。我以為我對你的愛不會長久,因為那是一見鍾情。 可是,我錯了,感情如酒,越封越濃越長久。 // translation fish to water: do you believe in love at first sight? water to fish: at that moment, when i realised you were the fish, i knew you would swim into my heart i'm not the fish. you aren't the water. i thought my love for you won't last as it was merely love at first sight but, i was wrong. feelings are akin to wine, stronger and stronger as times goes by 魚對水說:為什麼每次都是我問你答? 水對魚說:因為我喜歡在問答中讓你瞭解我的心。 我不是魚,你也不是水。為什麼你總是讓我等待? 難道你不知道,等待=失去信心=放棄。 // translation fish to water: how come for each time i'm the one asking and you're the one answering? water to fish: because i like the fact that as you ask and i answer, you'll start to understand my feelings (okay, 心 literally means heart but in this case i interpreted it as feelings as it felt more or less appropriate) 如果我是魚,而你是水,那該多好! 水永遠都知道魚的想法,因為魚在水心裏。 但是我不是魚,你也不是水。 你永遠都不知道我的愛, 因為我也許根本就不在你的心裏。 // translation if i'm the fish and you're the water, how good will that be! the water will always know what the fish thinks as the fish is in the water but i'm not the fish and you're not the water you'll never know my love because maybe i was never in your heart |
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i am an escapist i run away from reality i live in my own world i runaway from facts i dare not face the truth i yearn to change the past and reconstruct everything can someone save me, please? it hurts so much. |