Archives: September 2008, October 2008, November 2008, December 2008, January 2009, February 2009, March 2009, April 2009, June 2009, July 2009, August 2009, September 2009, November 2009, January 2010
My Blogs Next Page


guanguan a smile - Subscribe

lips curved upwards
little by little
eyes growing smaller and smaller
a sparkle in your pupil
brightens up your face
warm and jovial atmosphere
breaks the ice amongst one another

but deep down
behind the facade
lies a dark side
flooded with selfish thoughts
negative thoughts
trying to break free
but the superficial smile
coupled with a cunning mind
suppresses the tumultuous disturbance within

fears, worries
voices echo in your mind
telling you how ugly you look
how insignificant you are
how lousy and incapable you are
how redundant you are
how incomparable you are
with everyone else
harder and harder,
the voices pound against your ears
the walls of your heart
engulfing your soul
deepening your misery and sorrow

but who, please tell me, who
is there for you
silent wails for help
that fall upon deaf ears
no one, no one
is there
you're alone, solitary, lonely

the only thing you're capable of
is smile
never stop smiling
please, don't

0 Comments

guanguan damnit Sep 16th, 2008 11:33:57 am - Subscribe
super unproductive sad.gif

been pigging out. and i gained 3kg in 1.5 months. hall life is simply too happening. hopefully i'll be able to starve myself to death during the coming one week break. *hopefully*

skipped school. as usual. oh but no, i do not hold the record for skipping the most number of lessons. my friend does. he's totally awesome. HAHA.

today was, minus the productivity problem, a generally fun day. i love my hall happy.gif and the people happy.gif but not the politics. if only i was richer, a millionaire, or better, a billionaire. then i can stop all these nonsensical politics with money. bribery. but ain't that stooping to their level? i don't know. perhaps, yes, it is. am i despicable? is this the way of life? i don't know. so kick me out of the hall.

i strive to finish what i aim to do today. and so i shall cool.gif
0 Comments

guanguan i am scared Sep 18th, 2008 7:19:30 am - Subscribe

heart palpitating
faster and faster
beneath that cool and composed exterior

afraid to step out of your comfort zone
you hesitate
you hold back
even though you wish to give it a go
a sense of apprehensiveness
washes over you
knocks down your senses
heightens your insecurities
leaving you vulnerable

at last you decide
to remain a coward
finding excuses for yourself
to hide and run away
escape from the music
and pretend nothing happened

0 Comments
Mood: social

guanguan A poem Sep 22nd, 2008 3:53:56 am - Subscribe
read this somewhere. it's time to brush up my chinese reading skills :|

魚對水說:你看不見我的眼淚,因為我在水中。
水對魚說;我能感覺到你的眼淚,因為你在我心中。
我不是魚,你也不是水。你能看見我寂寞的眼淚嗎?

// translation
fish to water: you can't see my tears as i'm in the water
water to fish: i can feel your tears as you're in my heart
i'm not the fish. you aren't the water. can you see my lonely tears?

魚對水說:我永遠不會離開你,因為離開你,我無法生存。
水對魚說:我知道,可是如果你的心不在呢?
我不是魚,你也不是水。我不離開你是因為我愛你。
可是,你的心裏有我嗎?

// translation
fish to water: i will never leave you as once i leave you, i can't survive
water to fish: i know, but what if your heart isn't here?
i'm not the fish. you aren't the water. i can't leave you because i love you. but, am i inside your heart?

魚對水說:我很寂寞,因為我只能待在水中。
水對魚說:我知道,因為我的心裏裝著你的寂寞。
我不是魚,你也不是水。我寂寞是因為我思念你。
可是,遠方的你能感受到嗎?

// translation
fish to water: i'm very lonely as i can only stay in the water
water to fish: i know. it's because my heart is filled with your loneliness
i'm not the fish. you aren't the water. my loneliness is because i miss you. but you, so far away, can you feel it?

魚對水說:如果沒有魚,那水裏還會剩下什麼?
水對魚說:如果沒有你,那又怎麼會有我?
我不是魚,你也不是水。沒有你的愛,我依然會好好的活。
可是,好好的活並不代表我可以把你忘記。

// translation
fish to water: if there's no fish, then what will the water be left?
water to fish: if there's no you, how will there be me?
i'm not the fish. you aren't the water. without your love i will still live on
but, living on does not mean that i can forget you

魚對水說:一輩子不能出去看看外面的世界,是我最大的遺憾。
水對魚說:一輩子不能打消你的這個念頭,是我最大的失敗。
我不是魚,你也不是水。現在的我只想要一個一輩子的承諾。
可是,你負擔得起嗎?

// translation
fish to water: my biggest regret is that i'm unable to take a look at the world outside
water to fish: my biggest failure is that i'm unable to abolish such thoughts of yours
i'm not the fish. you aren't the water. now, i only want a lifelong commitment
but, can you give one?

魚對水說:在你的一生中,我是第幾條魚?
水對魚說:你不是在水中的第一條魚,但卻是在我心中的第一條。
我不是魚,你也不是水。我們都不是彼此生命中的第一個,
可是,你知道嗎?你卻是我第一個想愛的人。

// translation
fish to water: in your life, i am the which (number) fish? (sorry this part sounds grammatically weird)
water to fish: you aren't the first fish, but you're the first in my heart
i'm not the fish. you aren't the water. we both aren't the first in each others' lives
but, do you know? you're the first whom i want to love

魚對水說:你相信一見鍾情嗎?
水對魚說:當我意識到你是魚的那一刻,就知道你會遊到我的心裏。
我不是魚,你也不是水。我以為我對你的愛不會長久,因為那是一見鍾情。
可是,我錯了,感情如酒,越封越濃越長久。

// translation
fish to water: do you believe in love at first sight?
water to fish: at that moment, when i realised you were the fish, i knew you would swim into my heart
i'm not the fish. you aren't the water. i thought my love for you won't last as it was merely love at first sight
but, i was wrong. feelings are akin to wine, stronger and stronger as times goes by

魚對水說:為什麼每次都是我問你答?
水對魚說:因為我喜歡在問答中讓你瞭解我的心。
我不是魚,你也不是水。為什麼你總是讓我等待?
難道你不知道,等待=失去信心=放棄。

// translation
fish to water: how come for each time i'm the one asking and you're the one answering?
water to fish: because i like the fact that as you ask and i answer, you'll start to understand my feelings (okay, 心 literally means heart but in this case i interpreted it as feelings as it felt more or less appropriate)

如果我是魚,而你是水,那該多好!
水永遠都知道魚的想法,因為魚在水心裏。
但是我不是魚,你也不是水。
你永遠都不知道我的愛,
因為我也許根本就不在你的心裏。

// translation
if i'm the fish and you're the water, how good will that be!
the water will always know what the fish thinks as the fish is in the water
but i'm not the fish and you're not the water
you'll never know my love
because maybe i was never in your heart
0 Comments

guanguan escapism Sep 29th, 2008 12:32:53 pm - Subscribe
i am an escapist
i run away from reality
i live in my own world
i runaway from facts
i dare not face the truth
i yearn to change the past and reconstruct everything

can someone save me, please? it hurts so much.
0 Comments