m gone... over...
Date: Oct 16th, 2008 5:30:18 pm - Subscribe
Mood: dead
she has changed!! Completelly... she wont let even single day pass wheb she wont hurt me... I miss the one I loved so much... now all I do is wait for that girl whom I loved. This one... she is not mine.... I wont be hers... I'll wait for my buddu not this girl.
Till then this blog is closed coz now I dont have anything to feel or say...
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Happy to be blind...
Date: Oct 2nd, 2008 12:09:55 pm - Subscribe
Mood: blind
She called few minutes back... we talked... I was scared to open up my mouth coz I thought she might be angry... she might be totally indifferent, but what happened was opposite of it. She was happy, wanted to talk, infact loved... I feel confused now, its not confusion rather a mixed feeling.
What does happen to her normally... I mean how can a person make you feel so important the very next day when she made you feel unwanted???? She switched off her cell today while driving... nice thing, but could have atleast msged that she will be late... but I do not have any complaints coz i felt wanted... a bit.. but yes i did.
She might change tomorrow but for now I am happy and wanted her to know that I am happy, very happy... cant we share few moments everyday??? People die for love and I have so much to give but she is not ready to take all of it... still like I said, I cant stop loving her, she is too good to be at receiving end... I am happy to be blind and do not want to look at all that happened.. lets give it another chance:-) like always and for you always...
God help me get through this, its just the time and situation that is not favoring us... I know that... help us sustain.
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Cloud#9
Date: May 31st, 2007 1:09:13 pm - Subscribe
Mood: euphoric
I am on cloud#9 today... there are too many things that are happening good now!
I am happy that my hun got through with her exams with flyin colors. She will be relaxed now..
After longtime seems that the ordeal at home is about to end... or rather cease to exist after sometime...
At work things are shaping up good. Have to meet couple of new contacts this month.. frustration with colleague is over -- it does not bother me any more.
Training for that chap is also on the list now...talked to couple of corporate links.. lets see how it goes... fingers crossed on this one :-)
And finally cristine replied today..Demonoid invite would be given to me finally!!!
Yippeee.... loads of software waiting for me yeah?
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MATRIX -- REALITY or REELITY
Date: May 2nd, 2007 9:56:22 pm - Subscribe
Mood: DONT EVEN THINK BOUT IT!
Alrite, its gonna be kinda odd and a long one!
Ever since I was a teen, I had been a tech freak. I mean talk about gadget, technology, protocols, anything and everything. And this whole weird inclination have made few changes in my lifestyle:
1. Technology replaces the manpower
2. Technology wont exhaust or get tired
3. Technology wont really get expensive
4. Technology is a milestone of mankind's success.
Well, you got the basic idea of how I have evolved to a tech slave. Now why the thing MATRIX!
By the time MATRIX was screened I already had fair idea about all that was screened in the MATRIX; I mean we have read and experienced quite many tech waves. Programming, biometrics and AI together can give birth to a MATRIX, pretty easy huh? Trust me, wont get into it, but all the 3 streams are constantly working towards creating one. Dont trust me? Ask yourself [Hint: Androids are not far away!]
When I saw matrix I wasn't exactly watching a movie, my brain was relating all the things I have ever done till now -- programming, coding, AI, database watever! My brain was combining the shitty things together to come to a conclusion that yeah Matrix is real. Too Good for MATRIX PPL... created a movie that is surely gonna be hit.
Alright, now you know about me, Matrix Movie and matrix future. So what now?
We all have experienced a pulse which asks us whether we are a part of world or not... i mean you blink eye and you think "Why am i doing it? Its all gonna end? etc " that feeling that makes you experience the NULL, what is it? Well that thing makes you believe rather YOUR BRAIN believe that yeah, I am nothing... VIRTUAL REALITY rite? or you wanna say REAL VIRTUAL REALITY! hehehe
We all have seen virtual games, spcl effects etc... if our mind can actually think it is real why cant WORLD BE UNREAL?
Observe it: You play a virtual reality game, get totally engrossed.. forget that you are playing game...put 100% of U.. DONT FOCUS ANYWHERE BUT THE SCREEN and game... your brain will start behaving naturally.
Similarly, if you take whole WORLD/LIFE as a game, as in, you start believing that WORLD is actually nothing but UNREAL SET.. some fantastic special effect, set of stage programs etc... then?
How do you know or rather how will you TESTIFY your existence???
Nowadays, you have machines working, robotic arms for medical assistance, you have automated macros to actually perform repetitive tasks. Combine our existing knowledge we can actually think of world as a MATRIX..isn't it?
For instance if you know programming, and basic working of a chip, cant you modify the code? Or cant you put the macro to work? Its just matter of some codes rite?
So question remains : IS MATRIX REAL? IS WORLD UNREAL? DO I HAVE A BIG HUMAN CELL STORED SOMEWHERE? IS IT ACTUALLY YEAR 2006 or is it some 2021?
THINK!!!
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Is subject necessary???????
Date: Apr 29th, 2007 11:47:46 pm - Subscribe
Mood: sleepy
Its 5am.. I am still up, dunno why. Thought I would sleep for sometime atleast... but I guess my mind wont let me do that. It keeps discussing something or the other with my heart... hell lotta things.
I hate this feeling, I wanna sleep, I am sleepy but still I cant sleep. WHY?
I keep thinking things for no reason. Was thinking about my sugar, my huney. She is sleeping at the moment. She ll get up at 7 and will again sleep; she will again get up at 7.30 rushing through things... eating half breakfast, doing two things together etc etc. And she gonna leave at 8am...finally at around 11 gonna message "Baby you up?" and probably I will be sleeping at that time.. well I have no idea!!!
Then she ll keep messaging something or the other asking bout my health, whether I had breakfast, lunch etc etc. In evening she ll message "where r u" and will be pissed off that I am in office despite of the fact that I am not well. She ll frown and wont talk...she ll pretend like that but deep inside she ll be waiting for me to come home and make my darling... then she gonna spend time with her mom and gonna call me after that. We ll hve few arguments and then I ll kiss her lot many times over the phone...she ll be happy a bit.. bt yeah she would have read this blog by then so she ll try pretending things :-) haha. AFter dinner, gonna call me and scold me that I did not call her. Minutes later gonna say "Baby, Baby..." and I ll complete the thing" Baby I am tired, can I sleep for sometime.." without even knowing that I will keep staring at her pic for a while now.. she looks amazin in RED! Then next day..next and next...still next...friday then and we ll talk for sometime in nite..she ll sleep since she ll be tired and saturday she ll be with me for a while... then again a new week and the same thing!!!!
I kinda hate this and kinda love it. Mixed n confusing yeah? Yes for me too. Might be that I love her so much that I cant let go her...i cant just be without her...bt at the same time I do understand that she gets tired a bit earlier and that she LOVES SLEEPING... so I guess I have accepted my baby like this only and love is grwing day by day....
Well now I guess I ll sleep for sometime...not sure though!!!
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Justifying inflated EGO
Date: Mar 25th, 2007 7:41:35 am - Subscribe
Mood: Self Contained
Life is about understanding -- we all say that. But how many times do we actually follow that? I mean at times we become so unreasonable that we demand things that seems to be so unpractical. It has happened with everyone of us and will happen always!
Be it parents, frens, life partner or who so ever. We want everything the way we want.
It happened recently with me too. I had been engrossed in work, you know how it is, and when questioned by my family and beloveds, I so damn easily escaped saying 'You know it is important !!!'. Now when they are a bit busy or unwell I tell that I am home now so why not spend time with me huh?
You see, how unreasonable I was. I bet everyone who reads this post will say that only.
It has happened with you as well, trust me it has. But we just ignore it like anything. It is just the beginning of ego being inflated by your norms and thoughts!!
So next time you try to judge someone else, try to judge yourself if you had been in their position -- step into their shoes, before commenting and formulating an opinion about them !!
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Herbie
Date: Feb 11th, 2007 2:35:10 pm - Subscribe
Mood: imaginative
Thought I will put a whole separate entry for this -- well deserved, you will come to know soon.
Herbie, is a 63 bug (Movie Character) dumped in the Junkyard by some racer. And now this gal (Lindsay Lohan) buys this car for 75. Now best part, this car has feelings. I know it is quite stupid but at times it just feels so damn right - isnt it? I mean it makes funny sound, feels, thinks and what not. Back to movie thing -- this guy Kevin helps her restore herbie.
For all you peeps who want to know more visit Herbie.
All right the point I am trying to make is, at times all of us (Atleast 6 of 10 boys) thinks the same way. As if our car is more than a machine.. i mean you take care of the car and more it will give it back to you. It is like some connection between you and machine then.. you try to push it to limits that no one can and it will keep its nose up as if she will over come every limit.
That thought gives such a great rush, you drive at say 120 and you can still hear the sound of the engines, can connect to the car and can imagine what is going in it... like the piston moving at such a rapid pace, igniting the fuel in you and car both!!!!
Lemme know your thoughts... but trust me when I wrote this entry i was skeptical but now I am not... I connect with my machine and it rocks!!
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Back Again!
Date: Feb 11th, 2007 2:22:38 pm - Subscribe
Mood: neutral
Its been real long and like always I could not keep up with my promise that I will write and stuff.. finally, she insisted that I should get back and write some.
Well, life has been hectic a bit -- honestly, I like it a bit; I mean who will want to be doing nothing .
I met her after a real long time and trust me she was looking even more gorgeous! Never knew that I missed out so much. Feels like I should meet her more and more and more but then I wonder what will happen when we ll meet so much that she will get fed up of me. Quite a big thing yeah?
At the moment I am watching this movie "Herbie-- Fully Loaded" on Disney Channel. I watched it in the morning as well and it is so amazing.
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'Trust'
Date: Aug 28th, 2006 10:56:57 am - Subscribe
Mood: Restless
Such a small word but still such a big of a feeling in it. When we say Trust, we dont mean anything but just that we truly rely on someone.. is it? Or is it just that we say it to hide the insecurities that we keep hanging around with... or just for the sake of making someone comfortable???? But to me it is nothing but love. If you love someone so much that you can actually leave your life in his/her hands you ll feel practically what trust is.
We trust our parents.. think again. Its nothing but a sense of responsibility and obligation that we make that statement. I mean common over 90% of us have felt it every now and then that "THEY" are wrong. But on the flip side why will they actuially be wrong? I mean they were the ones who took your care the day you were born -- exceptions are there; I strongly feel that we should all give it a thought.
Road can be rough, broken or even a dead end but when you trust your instincts you definately get through it. There are so many examples I have written down on paper lately to judge myself what I am and what I should be...
Anyone like to be part of it.. trust me i ll be more than happy to put it in here
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Miserable
Date: Jul 4th, 2006 8:03:10 pm - Subscribe
Mood: Death
Mood: Ruptured
Its been long I had been checking on my life. Its not going in the right direction. I truly feel it!!
Whatever I do the thing turns out to be bad for someone... Lately I had been trying my best to be good to everyone spcly mom and my sweetheart. Dunno what I did wrong but its all screwed up...feels like hell. If I cant be good enough then why the hell I have to try hard to be one???
Gosh!! Braindead... someone help pls...
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