a starfish on the ceiling...
Date: Mar 12th, 2006 12:01:33 am - Subscribe
Mood: ethereal
Last night I returned from a both amazing and disheartening road trip (aka distraction trip) to Indiana with a friend from church. She said that she wanted to take me to her special doctor who is a meridian therapist (look it up if you don't know what it is...fascinating...and yeah...it works) I go to church with her, but I really didn't know her until I was in a van with her for 8 hours round trip and slept with her on the floor in a cramped living room...snuggled with her two year old on a blow up mattress. Modern day camping. The doctor was great. His strong fingers manipulated the bones and the muscles in my spine...the pain is all but gone. Mainly I am dealing with "healing" pain now. Things are back where they need to be and my body is like...um...I'm not so sure I like that, so it is pushing against the alignment. I got a call from my neighbor when I was gone telling me that my roommate was moving out while I was out of town. She has been ignoring me for over a month. Apparantly she had some silly lies and so on and so forth to make herself look like the good guy. Hey, it's not the first time I've played the jerk. The difference being that this time I didn't get to pick the part...nor did I get to do any acting...she just flooded the stage with her creepy boyfriend and told the audience how my performance had gone. It was only in her mind. That hurts, yeah. But she's gone now and things can gain a bit of normalcy. Joe and I are planning to stay here in this apartment after we are married. That wasn't the original plan. Our original plan was lofty and had to do with two story houses complete with enough bedrooms so none of our children to be would have to share...a big yard so we could cook out and have a garden. But God has different ideas. So when my back is completely better, I have plans to start making it ours. I want to paint the kitchen...hang some more pictures that I never did before. I like to know where I'll be...even if, again it isn't really forever. At least for now. I had an interview on Wednesday for a "nursing home scheduler" ...which, after the interview, I categorize it basicly as being the program manager of Safe Harbor (the runaway shelter) without all the stuff that I loved about that place. i.e....no teenagers, no working with families, no creating group topics or intake conversations with kids. Bump up the amount of the stuff I hated...hiring and firing, chastising staff, being a hard donkey, and telling people when they are working...surely only to be told that "Sue is working more hours than I am this week...you're just prejudice because I'm a martian and she's a venusian like the majority of people in this place" etc, etc, etc. Plus, it will be working with the elderly....something that I have always maintained that I didn't want to do and had no desire to do. But, in spite of that negativity, I am more than willing to try this. I would be ecstatic if they call me back for another interview and desire my service. I will give it my best try if so. Who knows.
So I sit here tonight...mom came to visit, my fiance is here. I'm not sure if it is the thunder or the karaoke across the street that is louder as I lay here in this strange position on the floor to type (this is the only way I could do it w/out putting lots of pressure on my lower back!)
I love the way thunder storms make me feel. For some reason, it makes me think back to all the other times that I've heard thunder. It sounds like sadness and youth. A safe place that we've left and might never return to. Laying on the floor in Indiana, holding my body still as to not disturb my cot mates, I stared at the ceiling fan. It was a starfish stuck and out of place. It was healing and faith. Sleep was elusive, but answers were close.
"We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time."
-TS (Thomas Stearns) Eliot
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perfect110 - March 12th, 2006 |
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