...food poisoning...
Date: Jun 16th, 2005 8:52:57 pm - Subscribe
Mood: wretched
music: Something by H.I.M.
I got food poisoning from eating bad eggs at Waffle House. Yippie for me. So far today I've vomited nine times and that doesn't count the dry heaving.
I feel like shit, to say the least. I was supposed to have Samantha, Ian, and Kate come over to swim today. *cough:: That won't be happening with the way I keep throwing up.
You would think I would already have everything out of my system. I haven't eaten anything today that could set sour on my stomach. Bahhh.
I think I'm going to go back to sleep now, and I'll probably throw up again when I wake up. Yay...Bleah.
XP
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...self destruction...
Date: Jun 12th, 2005 9:34:38 am - Subscribe
Mood: ugh
music: H.I.M. - The Sacrament
There's something about you that chases everyone away.
You're not good enough for the attention of others.
You'd be better off dead, then you wouldn't be lonely.
it doesn't matter if you're comfortable with yourself, no one else is.
Your entire existence is painful and worthless.
No one likes you.
You put on a cheery face and try to act happy in front of your friends; but it's all a lie. You're miserable by yourself.
You still don't understand why no one likes you; you never wil.
You're just a mistake splattered on the wall of humanity.
You don't want to live alone but no one's willing to stand beside you.
You aren't as strong as you pretend to be.
You're a tool for the amusement of others.
You've lost your luster and now you're just a broken doll that's worn out its welcome, if it even had one.
Nothing you do or say can bring someone close to you.
You're a loser at life's big game, but no one cares that you lost.
Your confidence is disappearing, and you're turning into a paranoid child again.
You've lost everything, but you're afraid to lose your life, even though you have nothing to live for.
You're not special, and no one really cares about you, or they'd see how desperate and hurt you really are.
You hate yourself because you're all alone.
No one cares that you've been screwed over too many times to count, no one feels sorrow for you because somehow it was all your fault every time.
---
I couldn't sleep, so I decided to ink in some drawings, and then I got tired of that. I started thinking about all of my friends and how they have someone they care about, and someone that cares about them. For a long time I had Jory to care about, but he has a girlfriend now and I know he doesn't care about me like that anymore. I wanted to believe it didn't bother me that I was single while most of my friends have boyfriends. But, it's been chipping away at me for a while.
I just started writing whatever came out of my fingers. I wasn't even thinking about the things I wrote. I came close to crying when I read what my hand was writing. My entire subconscious is filled with self-hatred and anger.
I'm still not really sure what it is about me that makes me unlikeable, or unattractive. Am I just not pretty enough? Am I obnoxious? Do I talk too much, do I talk to little? Am I too short, are my boobs too small? What the hell is wrong with me so I can know what to fix?!
...You're just a mistake splattered on the wall of humanity...
Is that really true? Maybe I can't fix anything about myself to make someone like me. Someone once told me that if you're comfortable with yourself, people will like you. Honestly, I think that is such a load of bullshit. Because I -was- comfortable with myself for a very long time, but it didn't get me anywhere.
But, I guess whining about it will only make it worse. maybe it will annoy more people and chase them off. I don't know. Nothing is for certain in my life right now, except I'm pretty sure that I'm headed down the path to Oblivion.
Birth into Oblivion...
Welcome to my Hell...
I said that August 24th, 2004. And it still rings with truth.
My friends are probably going to jump on my ass about this entry... Or maybe they won't. I don't even know about that anymore.
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...perversion in the night...
Date: Jun 12th, 2005 7:31:43 am - Subscribe
Mood: perverted
music: Something by H.I.M.
"That's not the right password. I was using the other password...But only the -right- password gets you in." - Meh
I typed in the wrong password when trying to log into EmoBlog, and those were my verbal thoughts on it.
Paper - "It's thin...And white..." - Sibi
Printer - "It can make a mess" - Sibi
"When it jams" - Meh
Brush - "It feels good when you use it on your head." - Sibi
"Which head are you talking about?" - Meh
Book - "It never cuts corners." - Sibi
"Cat, what are you doing with my chord?!" - Meh
"...lmaowrotb..." - Sibi
Screwdriver - Enough said
Poster - "Just think of Ian" - Sibi
This is an inside joke you probably won't get.
Mascara - "It always leaves it mark" - Sibi
Kitty tail - "IT'S ALIVE!" - Sibi
Another inside joke, ask for explanation.
Credit card - "Stroke it right and it will give you what you want." - Sibi
Speaker - "The more you play with it, the louder it can get." - Sibi
Geek's Hooker's Cry - "YaHO!!!!" - Both
This was actually a mispelling of Yahoo.com on my part. Oops.
There was more, before I decided to start recording our perversion, like Sibi making the blade pattern on my computer perverted. But yeah, that's it for tonight.
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...quizzes...
Date: May 2nd, 2005 6:13:46 pm - Subscribe
Mood: hyperactive
You kill with
magic.
You are very skilled with magic, but have poor
fighting skills. But it doesn't really matter
anyway since it can be as powerful as other
weapons. You are probably missunderstood by
people and have some pain inside you. You are
not the kind of person to start a fight, but if
you are provocted you respond. You probably
don't have that many friends either though you
might want some. According to you life is a
lonely journey and you try not to care to much.
Most people who are witches or anything similar
is thought to be evil and want to see all
people suffer. That however is not true. You
don't feel that much joy seeing others in pain.
You are probably peaceful and quiet when left
alone.
Main weapon: Potions and spells
Quote: "A man can be destroyed but
not defeated" -Ernest Hemingway
Facial expression: Blank eyes
What Type of Killer Are You? [cool pictures]
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...black mascara...
Date: Apr 29th, 2005 5:04:29 pm - Subscribe
Mood: heartbroken
A song I wrote in Creative Writing, for whatever reason. The best reason, however, would be because I was wearing mascara at the time and was depressed. So, anyway. Here we go.
(Chorus 1)
Black mascara, running as I cry.
There's just no fooling you that "I'm alright."
Because I can't hide the black stains,
And I can't hide the red pain fast enough...
(/Chorus 1)
You know now all of my secrets,
You've seen the blood that I excreet.
But I don't need your sympathy,
Because you're the one that made me empty.
The rain is pounding down on me,
My blood is dripping, running free.
Could you stop acting like you care?
Cause you're the one that made this unfair.
Black mascara, running with the rain.
It'll wash away the red stains,
But it still can't hide the cuts.
The scars are still there, without the blood.
(Chorus 2)
Black mascara, running as I cry.
There's just no fooling you that "I'm alright."
Because I can't hide the black stains,
But I won't clean up the red pain... Not this time.
(/Chorus 2)
You deserve to see, what you have done (to me),
You've broken me, and the last resort was blood.
But it couldn't help the damage that you left,
And you couldn't see the pain, even as I wept.
Chorus 1 x2
Chorus 2 x1
There you go. One depressed song for your fucking entertainment. Have a lovely fucking day.
Fuck out.
You are the hidden beauty
Which Ultimate Beautiful Woman are You?
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