|
i miss this person right here...
 asan ka na bang babae ka? binura na ako ng bruhang yon sa buhay mo. i guess there's no other choice...i'ma leave you TOTALLY behind. it's for real this time...although whenever i see that long, thorn-lined road ahead, i tend to glance back at you, realizing that it's not the barricades, the bottomless pits, the quicksands, nor the pieces of broken glass scattered on the road that scare me. it's the fact that this time, i will have to walk this road without you as my ultimate reason. i will no longer be able to cling to you whenever i am drained of strength to stand up.
20 to 35% of me still refuses to let you go. i wanna do something about this fast, otherwise it might go back to 50. then 60. then 80...i know very well that i CAN'T let that happen. there's no other choice but to literally lose everything--even the friendship itself.
except through poetry, this is the last time that i'm gonna dwell on you in one of my entries. i am letting it all go now...the significant songs-- Goodbye to you, Sori na, She Will Be Loved, The Reason, Half Life, Nobody Knows, Come On.., the experiences with each other that i am most thankful for, the messages, the stuff i did for you, the things you did for me, the promises that never actually came true, mcdonald's fillet-o-fish meal, your previous birthday being "incomplete" without me, the stuff you told me so i would stop crying, Lilo and Stitch, the jacket you insisted on lending me when i was cold at the moviehouse, the skirt you were willing to wear (even though you hated skirts) for me on jay's debut party, the day you went over to my house and played the guitar & sang "Sori na", the sunday morning when you drove and picked me up from here to go someplace, the jeepneys and tricycles we rode (LOL), Tokyo tokyo and how i couldn't use the chopsticks with you looking at me, the time when you wanted to pick me up at about 11:45 in the evening when i was locked out of the house, the time i ran after you barefoot (because i removed my heels) inside a mall when you got upset with lanel and quit the band, the time when you were out of town and you bought a SMART sim card (because GLOBE had no signal there) so we could keep in touch, the night before your birthday when you told me your feelings, and my personal favorite--the time you told me about your dream--being in the desert, alone, and an angel coming up to you which you said was me.
looks like i can't be your angel, anymore, can i? i'll leave you alone now. it's time to stop trying to be that 'angel'. "I know that goodbye means nothing at all, comes back and begs me to catch her everytime she falls" --i have just erased that from my mind, right at this moment. I'll leave you. completely. But I want you to know for the last time, that I never regretted having you, because God gave you to me back when i needed Him the most. You're the only person that i have loved this much, and i doubt if that will ever change. 
Okay, enough of this bullcrap. This is your angel, signing off. |
