5.14pm
Why am I here? Why am I writing this? Why...? I can't really write anymore, I've found, though I'm sure next Saturday my inspiration will return (I hope he will, anyway). I sort of expected to be a little more... inspired or emotionally rewarded by my job, but to be honest it's just been draining these past two days. The kids keep their distance from me, which makes me secretly very sad. I guess I'm a grown-up now. I'm one of 'them'. And really, it's true. I've spent so much time organizing and nagging and bugspraying and sunscreening and averting chaos that I have not spent any time just enjoying the kids' company.
Goal Number Two: Enjoy my time at the daycamp. Find ways of solving potential problems ahead of time so that I needn't yell so much. Get to know the campers.
5.23pm
Also! What is with this sign on my forehead which obviously says "TREAT ME LIKE AN IDIOT!"...? I know it's there, because even though I can't see it, apparently everyone else heeds it. I'm serious! We have these volunteers at the camp, and while they seem to be nice girls, in several ways they are a pain in the... head. The girl who's with my group this week is okay in some ways, but she just annoys the HELL out of me by taking charge of the kids. You know, it's good to have someone else around to help out and give me a few ideas, and I totally don't resent sharing my Power of Leadership (very much). But sometimes she just kind of takes over like I have no clue what I'm doing! Which is completely uncalled for, because though I am new to this job, a) I have shown no obvious discomfort or ineptitude; b)she's as new as I am to her job; and above all, c) I AM BEING PAID! THIS IS MY JOB!
For heaven's sake.
5.37pm
Yeah. There are a few kids that I just love, though. The younger ones are still my favourite. Next week I'm with the youngest group, which should be fun as long as I don't murder any volunteers.
And as long as no one else crayons the mirrors and walls in the yoga room. That was pretty bad. I will find out who did that, and they will be rather sorry.
It's no coincidence that two of the volunteer girls were from my group of Pathfinders-From-Hell a couple years back (sorry, I'm still on the volunteer tangent).
5.41pm
I miss you. Hearing your voice last night has ultimately made it harder to be without you, but it was worth it anyway.
I don't want it to be a sad summer! >.< That's one reason why I chose to work and stay here for the whole time! Aughh. I really, really hope Starbucks is hiring. And soon. Otherwise... it's going to be a really long summer... >.<
Anyway! I wonder if my hair will turn green from the chlorine. It's already quite a bit lighter in colour.
I hate being sad. I need a plan.
5.46pm
The Plan:
- Get positive attitude.
- Maintain positive attitude by deep breathing.
- Make friends with kids in group. Avoid speaking to volunteers when not required to effectively avoid the desire to kill them.
- Focus all attention and energy on kids. Where else is it going to go? I'm asleep on my feet as soon as I get home anyway.
- Sit with kids at snack and lunchtime, or else sit alone at lunchtime.
- Have. Some. Patience.
5.51pm
Such is my plan to avoid total mental collapse this summer. I need to enjoy what I do, and that means that I need to enjoy spending time with kids, which means I need to enjoy their company. Which I will learn to do with some time. And patience.
The volunteers, I feel, will remain a separate story.
5.51pm
At any rate, I feel a little bit better now.
Goal Number Three: At least write one thing somewhere every day.
I love you; I've loved you all along...
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