lonely.

Jun 16th, 2008 5:19:31 am - Subscribe
Mood: exasperated

I'm afraid right now. I don't know what to do. I don't know how I will be alright.

I don't want to fall back into misery, but I can feel it pull me. No matter how I try to look at things, it comes back to the fact that I'm alone, unwanted, unwantable.

I know in myself I have a huge, shining saving grace. I don't know what it is in nature. But it catches me in the end, always. Or at least prevents me from falling too fast.

But I don't want despair. I don't want loneliness and pain. But I'm learning to listen to myself. I'm learning that throwing my affection and my hopes on the first person who catches my eye does not result in me not being lonely. Yes, maybe for almost a week. But not for long enough.

I live for the next person who will lift my heart.

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