Bus trip
Date: Dec 21st, 2005 12:31:46 am - Subscribe
Mood: wishful
Tomorrow is a day of laundry, chores and packing, it's my last full day before I leave to go back to Idaho for Christmas. I hope it snows back home, it's been a long time since I've last seen a white Christmas. I have people I have to see when I get there, that I'd rather not and people that I can't wait to see.
I hope maybe going back to Idaho, I'll be able to be me again. The arrogant, I'll do what I want, go where I want, no one is in charge of me, cocky asshole that I could at least stand. Not the person I have been lately. Don't change for women, it's never a good thing, my first girlfriend I refused to let change me, it broke us up, but my latest ex, why I thought I needed her, I don't know. It must have been a loss of sanity to refuse to stand up for myself, that's not me. I don't like that I acted that way. I guess what my ambitions for this trip back home amount to are two things.
One: Help out my friend Anna, don't let her end up where I left Idaho to keep myself from being.
Two: to come back with myself. My Pride, my anger, my arrogance. All of it, I want it all back. Maybe not the alcohol and the pot, but I want me back. I want to regain every little quirk that most people couldn't stand about me. I want back that confidence that let me know a chick for only a couple of hours at a party, end up with her phone number before I left, and a couple days later be staying a night at her house. I MISS ME!! 
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