do do da do
Date: Dec 21st, 2006 3:59:56 am - Subscribe
Mood: Cynical
What do you want?: whiskey would be nice

Christmas break is here and I'm bored out of my mind. I've been having this urge lately to go. Just get up and go do something. Leave the house early in the morning and not come home until late or even better leave town for a couple days. I want adventure, tension, anger, fast, emotionally crushing. I just feel like I should go do something, but I haven't figured anything out yet. I'll come up with something. Maybe when I go buy everyone's Christmas presents instead of going home afterwards I'll just wander the town, take the max and the bus all over this small-large city. I miss Seattle; I think I want to see California.

Speaking of, my girlfriend has been there since Monday and she'll be there until Sunday. I miss her, but all is well. I miss going back home for holidays having the run of everything, going somewhere in the middle of the night and not coming home until I feel like it. Some days I wish I hadn't gotten so responsible and started doing what I should. I realize that if I ever want to have the things I want, like a house and a car; be able to take care of myself and maybe another person, I have to work. I have to graduate and then go on to college and then get a job that is a career, make money. I can't just do what I want when I want, there's always give and take.

But sometimes I think that just one night would be good. It would feel so great, and then I sit outside and light my cigarette and think. I look at all the buildings and street lights, I listen to the noise and I sigh. It wouldn't be the same it wouldn't be like walking somewhere in Idaho where you could walk from one end of the town to the other in two hours at a brisk pace, and maybe that's what I want. Maybe that's why I used to walk an hour and a half home from school everyday when I could have taken the school bus. It wasn't just that I hated going home; I took that walk because I wanted to feel like I'd accomplished something. I don't even know if I'm really going to graduate this year. What have I accomplished since I moved up here? I've stopped punching things and getting in fights, hurting myself, but I didn't do any of it for me so I don't get that feeling that I'm yearning for. All I wanted was to graduate on time and I don't think I can do it.

I'll have to deal and move on; I'm the one that put me in this situation.

God I miss my girlfriend

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