It's been so long!
Date: Oct 4th, 2004 2:29:17 am - Subscribe
Mood: Blah...the word escapes me.
Music: BRAND NEW::that #4 song...
*YAWNS*
Im so tired right now. This is the first time in a long time I've been able to get on my blog. I dont know if I have anything importat to say. Other than the fact my keyboard is royally fucking up and keeps skpping letters im pretty damn okay.
I have a new girfriend. Shes awesome. Her name is Cassidy and shes the best girlfriend ive had so far. She understands me...not like my other ones
Well anyway im not too inclined to write anything else. bye!
CE
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Emotional Entanglement
Date: Jul 1st, 2004 3:07:22 pm - Subscribe
Mood: confused
Music: Hands Down/Dashboard Confessionals
On Monday I went to my new friends house. I met her through another friend. Her name is Vicka. She's Russian. And she's really pretty. I want to say "hott" but that seems too degrading for her. She deserves better.
She's really nice, and she has an awesome personality. She's funny and witty. She's someone you'd want to be around all the time. I've only met her once, but it was a memorable visit. I really like her. She's the first girl I've liked in so long! I mean, I've had past relationships but none started this way. None of them started on the first day.
To be honest (and I hope it doesn't come out wrong), I do miss her. I don't even know her yet I want to.
I can't though. She's the friend of a friend, and that friend is my ex. I can't tell her because I don't know how she'll react to it. She'll probably get bitchy with me. I don't want that. I want to tell her so bad because on top of being my ex she's my best friend. Besides, I've had past tendancies to be "in lust" with people I barely know, just because they're "hott" or w/e...but I know this isn't like that. She won't understand though, so that's why I can't tell her. She'll just patronize the idea that I might actually like someone with an honest beginning.
I know it's honest. I'm not "crushing" over her. To me; to have a crush is to like a celebrity with an extreme passion. No. I like her. I like her alot. But I wouldn't tell her even if there weren't any blocks. I think she likes someone else.
She writes beautiful poetry and her art is just as beautiful. She glows like the first drop of blood from a cut on your wrists. I was thinking about flowers the other day and I came to the conclusion that if she were a flower, no other flower than the Asiatic Lily could grasp all her elegance as it does so well.
But it's better not to get too entangled in confused emotions. I'm going to give up on her now because it's really no use. It's the easy way out.
C.
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The word "Action"
Date: Jun 24th, 2004 4:59:00 pm - Subscribe
Mood: morose
In todays society of teenagers I've found that the "action" is commonly referred to as "sex". So, when someone asks you "when was the last time you got action" they're actually saying "when was the last time you got laid?" "who fucked you last?" and shit like that.
It's like Gen-X slang.
When our kids are in school and writing a paper on the 2000 and 1's , under mannerisms and contemporary slang it'll say "action".
A porno-director is filming his latest big hit since Paris Hilton's sex debut, and before all begins, he says "and...ACTION!" Which is translated to, in our words, "fuck and do it right!"
That's just something I thought of while talking to one of my friends online.
C.
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Who reads other blogs?
Date: Jun 18th, 2004 3:54:56 pm - Subscribe
Mood: none
Music: none
I don't. Do you?
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Convenient [Whore]
Date: Jun 9th, 2004 6:20:22 pm - Subscribe
Mood: content
Music: Autumns Monologue [FATA]
I did it because it's convenient. I did it because it's there. I did it out of tension, my own sexual tension. Since last year in March, when my heart was broken and integrity stripped away, I've been on a thoughtless search for beneficiaries only. People who, like me, only want to relieve themselves without any obligagtion.
Is that wrong?
I don't trust people anymore. They make me paranoid. Like, when plans come up I am afraid that they are just "stand-up" plans. I don't want to arrive at the movie theaters wondering if I'm there alone. I worry. I'm not the only one who feels that way. I mean, I don't know any others but I'm sure there are others.
But is it wrong to use someone, even if they know? And even if they're using you too?
Last night I was with this person and the whole time I felt like I was betraying a part of me. I felt like I was betray ing the person I loved so much before, and still love so dearly to this day.
Eternity.
Oblivion.
That's who we were.
That's who I wish I still was.
I was Oblivion.
Is there any advice out there? Please help!!!
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