My pee smells like ham
Date: Apr 9th, 2005 9:33:40 am - Subscribe
Mood: braindead


http://www.citypages.com/databank/23/1142/article10824.asp

Things overheard at the STD clinic
Talk Dirty to Me
by Paul Demko
October 23, 2002

The quotes below are complaints reported by clients of Room 111, a public health clinic in St. Paul that treats people for sexually transmitted diseases. Nurses at the clinic began creating the list two decades ago; it now includes several hundred comments.



"I have reason to believe my penis was exposed to LSD. When I ejaculate I have flashbacks."

"My hair is falling out and the sun hurts my crotch."

"I went to a party, had a few beers, woke up in a closet later on and my face stunk and my dick hurt."

"My last period looked like meat."

"My balls feel soft and mushy."

"I be messin' with these nasty women from Minnesota and they don't tell you they got something unless they mad at you."

"How am I supposed to do lap dances smelling like a dead fish?"

"I got the dripper."

"I have food chunks in my urine."

"Had sex with my daughter's fiancé and then douched with Lysol--feelin' a little raw down there."

"Scabs on my butt and I'm losing my mind."

"I'm releasing semen when I take a crap."

"I was poked in the rectum with the infected finger of a 70-year-old homosexual man."

"I live at the VA and my roommate has his girlfriend from Minneapolis over. They throw ticks at me that bite my neck and when I pop the sores, they smell like vagina juice."

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"Can't you put the swab in further?"

"I had sex with my baby's momma, sex with my other baby's momma and my other new baby's momma has disease."

"Last time I had sex I passed something that looked like Cream of Wheat before it's cooked."

"My cervix hurts when I jiggle."

"The seam in my circumcision split open."

"I be messin' with my ex-wife and my girlfriend and I don't trust either of them."

"My whole body smells like a menstruating woman, especially my armpits."

"From the looks of my penis, I believe they are sucking the adrenaline out of me."

"I think they hypnotized me and put implants and poltergeists in my brain and had sex with me."

"I think my boyfriend knows what's going on. He's been calling me a 'chlamydiahoris.'"

"My pee smells like ham."
Comments: (1)


burnt chinese food
Date: Mar 29th, 2005 6:45:01 am - Subscribe
Mood: schizophrenic


best quote of the day:
i dreamt that you had come to vandalize my car by putting scratches on it & i set u on fire. you smelled like burning chinese food.
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commentary:
Date: Mar 27th, 2005 5:13:01 am - Subscribe
Mood: hip


"I've never met anyone I'd classify as self-aware: It's been my experience that most extroverted people think that they're introverts, and many introverted people make a similarly wrong-headed juxtaposition about being extroverts. Maybe that's why extroverts won't shut up (because htey always fear they're not talking enough) while introverts just sit on the couch and do nothing (beacuse they assume everybody is waiting for them to be quiet). People have no clue about their genuine nature. I have countless friends who describe themselves as "cynical," and they're all wrong. True cynics would never classify themselves as such, because it would mean that they know their view of the world is unjustly negative; despite their best efforts at being grumpy; a self-described cynic is secretly optimistic about normal human nature. Individuals who are truly cynical will always insist that they're pragmatic. The same goes for anyone who claims to be "creative." If you define your pesonality as creative, it only means you understand what is perceived to be creative by the world at large, so you're really just following a rote creative template. That's the opposite of creative."
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evil
Date: Mar 26th, 2005 9:01:29 am - Subscribe
Mood: disgruntled




Rosemary
Heaven restores you in life
Coming with me
Through the aging, the fear and the strife
It's the smiling on the package
It's the faces in the sand
It's the thought that holds you upwards
Embracing me with two hands
Write, we'll take you places
Yeah maybe to the beach
When your friends they do come crying
Tell them how your pleasure's set up on slow-release

Hey wait
Great smile
Sensitive to faith not
Denial
But hey whose on trial?

It took a life spent
With no cellmate
The long way back
Saying meanwhile can't we look the other way?

He speaks about travel
Yeah, we think about the land
We smile like all people
Feeling real tan
I can take you places
Do you need a new man?
Wipe the pollen from the faces
Make revision to a dream while you wait in the van

Hey wait
Great smile
Sensitive to faith not
Denial
But hey whose on trial?

It took a life spent
With no cellmate
Find a long way back
Saying meanwhile can't we look the other way?
You're weightless, you are exotic
You need something for which to care
Saying meanwhile can't we look the other way?

Leave some shards under the belly
Lay some grease inside my hand
It's a sentimental jury
And the makings of a good plan
You've come to love me nightly
Yeah you've come to hold me tight
Is this motion everlasting
Or do shutters pass in the night?

Rosemary
Oh heaven restores you in life
I spent a lifespan with no cellmate
The long way back
Saying meanwhile can't we look the other way?
You're weightless, semi-erotic
You need someone to take you there
Saying meanwhile can't we look the other way?
Why can't we just play the other game?
Why can't we just look the other way?

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megalomanic
Date: Mar 17th, 2005 3:29:20 am - Subscribe
Mood: cocky


must remind myself when i have a heart, let it beat silently. don't open myself to attacks when its quite obvious that the battle has ended.

must remember that the best humanitarian deed is to remain constant and steadfast in my own judgements and remember that the underlining truth is this:

you are a megalomanic, more altrusive than most -- and your narcissim will in the end eat you alive.

let's the get the record straight:
i really did try to mend ways and now you have a new version to hate.

its good when people have someone to hate. i'm proud you've transfered your funds, was wondering when you'd over draft in insecurity.

best honor in the world and i wouldn't dignify it with a response other than

you can go fuck yourself, earnestly kiddo.
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i miss you more when i think of you less
Date: Mar 17th, 2005 2:16:55 am - Subscribe
Mood: incomplete


"Most of the time, the two involved parties are not really "best friends." Inevtably, one of the poeple has been in love with the other from the first day they met, while the other person is either (a.) wracked with guilt and pressure, or (b.) completely oblvious to the espoused attraction. Every relationship is fundamentally a power struggle, and the individual in power is whoever likes the other person less."

this is very good for me.
its a sad ensamble of sad, irony, and laughter.

anthea lent it to me -- funny.

interesting.
i could completely go hot-air-open mouth.

interesting.

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\'I\'m just killing what I can\'t take care of\'
Date: Mar 16th, 2005 2:56:47 am - Subscribe
Mood: megalomaniacal


"I tell ya, I remember a time when I was about... I was little, I don't know... four or five or something like that. We had this old dog that had a litter of puppies. And I walked in the bathroom one day and my mother was standing there, kneeling down... dog had a litter of about 8, and my mother was bending over killing each one of these little puppies in the bathtub. I remember I said, 'Why?'... She said 'I'm just killing what I can't take care of' -- Then my momma said to me, she looked at me and she said, 'I wish I could do that to you.' -- Maybe she, maybe she shoulda."
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a few wonderful things
Date: Mar 15th, 2005 10:58:11 pm - Subscribe
Mood: marvelous


1. austin coffee & film.
whenever i feel like feces, all i need to do is walk in & i bump into jeff, doug, pam, jill, barry, lisa, mel, robbie, brendan -- anyone & everyone -- and i feel love.

2. not spending a dime and just sitting & hanging. smoking someone's cigarettes. chilling out.

3. i am smitten w/doug.
i am so happy that i can say this here, because i'm just bursting like a skittle -- i am weeeeeeeeing happily -- i adore him just because he's just so pritty.

3. eating @ mimi's cafe.
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doug
Date: Mar 15th, 2005 4:53:33 am - Subscribe
Mood: starstruck


i keep having these dreams -- i can't remember exactly what they are about -- i just keep dreaming that doug is giving me a battery for my camera.


maybe my heart is coming back to me -- because from the moment i met him, i knew i'd known him.

this makes me happier than i can even convey.
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shelly duval is frightening
Date: Mar 14th, 2005 6:42:19 am - Subscribe
Mood: effervescent





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you are a pussy, my sweet thing....
Date: Mar 14th, 2005 2:49:33 am - Subscribe
Mood: cunning


Situations and deception were one of the causes of manipulation.

The truth can only be told between the two people – and the less one party discusses, the more apt you are to fill in the blanks. I haven’t said a damn thing. Which just shows to me that jumping to your own conclusions – why should I warp what truth lay in honesty – because truth be told, I could tell you the real reasons why I understood the set up, I understood the plank I walked off of, I understood that we were at an ends.

Romance be gone, I say. I have no romance left in me, its dwindled into nothing. Stupidity, clairvoyance, all of it gone, we got what we needed.

I really did love you – I loved you a thousand times over and over again, I loved you enough to let you go – and the only way to do it was to admit to it.

Fact: I called this before I even knew it. Steve reborn and this time I handled it well.
Fact: Two people that honest should never have been together.
Fact: I will deny any involvement with you, but I will not admit to no involvement either. I won’t clear your name.
Fact: You broke my heart by not trying to even mend our friendship, but instead hiding like coward behind some frivolous job.
Fact: In the beginning, I slid into the role of your ex-girlfriend to make sure you understood what kind of sacrifice I made.
Fact: I took advantage of you financially.
Fact: I forgot the roles I was playing and began to believe
Fact: You did everything possible to get me to say I love you and get the ego boost of saying No.
Fact: I tried to save our friendship.
Fact: You didn’t care. You found a replacement and I hate her because she’s a replica and a bad imitation of me and A. both.
Fact: You would have never been able to handle me leaving you in the first 3 months.
Fact: When I needed you, you turned away.
Fact: W/O you I am a forced to be reckoned with. With you, you tucked me underneath your chin. I’m not playing a game anymore. I am honest. I hope one day you will be that way as well.

Fact: You have no one. In the end, your worst enemy is yourself. One day your little collection of pending installs and girls and stupid 18 year old boys will be just that – a collection. Just like the beginning it just ends up making you look horrible.

I’ll keep quiet for now.

You really are just a pussy.

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my new camera
Date: Mar 12th, 2005 5:45:54 am - Subscribe
Mood: jolly


yesterday, derrick and i hung out after. i woke up relatively late -- ended up waking up @ around 9am or so.

and i found this:




shutter seems to work and i've been doing research on the battery. this camera is at least 4 years older than myself...

i am so excited! to top it off, the yashica was 12 dollars. 12 DOLLARS! I hope it works, I've been reading about how to rig the battery out and make it work -- I'll see. but it's exactly what I needed.
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man into mushball
Date: Mar 2nd, 2005 6:29:31 am - Subscribe
Mood: unstoppable


I'm trying my best to be around people that were in my past to use as a reference point -- good or bad. A relationship can mean many things, a close friend, a lover, a best friend. You are drawn to people for sucessions of moments for numerous amounts of reasons. History is precocious and once you create a timeline, you can draw maps from evolution. I'm still friends with my first real true love -- and that was about a good decade ago. He's still amazing to me and I'm amazing to him -- and we've both "changed." I'm learning that there are referal points in the life timeline, you can either be a slave to the past or live and remember the moment.

There's a lot to say about being directly involved & being indirectly involved from the outside looking in.

On that note
I'm choosing to live.
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wearing chekx = insane
Date: Mar 2nd, 2005 3:30:15 am - Subscribe
Mood: wacky




sometimes just a little bit of attention is needed.

i've been fixated on clothing and how quickly that changes your instant speculation of someone. i'd rather not think that i can fit into every single catagory -- in fact yesterday while i was hanging with richard and celeste -- it was funny and interesting.

i was discussing alex (which i honestly don't want to go into just because it's so drama-esque)...and richard blurts out "What kind of friends do you hang out with anyway? I mean you have a napolean dynamite on yr rear view mirror..." i let it stop there. simply put i don't like stereotypes. i've reached that impeccable age where justifying my ego by perception and fitting into a clique is not enough, why set limits and boundries by what you like and who you regulate yourself to?

seems kind of boring if you ask me.

i fit stereotypes if only to surivive and i find it fastinating that perception stands 10 feet before i even enter the room.

besides -- stereotypes are fun -- finding out that you are not extrodinary is okay with me, it's kind of narrowed down to 33 persona types -- and for the most part its interesting.

i'm not that insecure about myself -- i have my own doubts, which is good -- brings me down to earth. i just can't stand people that are opague.

27 is a good age for me.
i am pretty much secure with my body, i'm confident with how its formed, i like the way it feels, my heights gonna be this way for the rest of my life, and i'm dealing w/my curviness and not wanting to starve it to death and whittle it away.

oh and i don't care how idiotic i look when i dance.

sometimes attention is good every once in a while, y'know?
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one more thing...
Date: Mar 1st, 2005 3:20:50 am - Subscribe
Mood: slothful


celeste has moved to jacksonville.
i'm really bad @ goodbyes.

everything and nothing makes me sad.
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pictures take place of feeling...
Date: Mar 1st, 2005 1:44:33 am - Subscribe
Mood: unattractive







sometimes i dont need a story -- someone else tells it for me.
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yes sometimes if eel like this...
Date: Mar 1st, 2005 1:37:18 am - Subscribe
Mood: unloved



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beekeeper
Date: Feb 22nd, 2005 5:51:32 am - Subscribe
Mood: capricious


I don't think it's possible anymore for me to fall in love. I've stopped looking for it. I don't think I ever will fall in love. I honestly have no idea what I want -- I know what I don't want, I keep finding what i used to want -- what i am normally attracted to, but not now.

I haven't been looking -- more or less when I go out, I go out to be with my friends, to go out dancing, to have a ball -- to be an asshole, to introduce someone awesome into something that needs their signature all over it.

my goal is to introduce every being i meet to something that needs their touch in it.

i'm happy w/myself -- i have a lot of friends who are women -- which is odd right now, i'm ususally surrounded by guys.

speaking of...

tori's new album is out.
ma's not doing to well ever since she's had a kid.
i gotta get it.
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thought process
Date: Feb 22nd, 2005 5:27:34 am - Subscribe
Mood: heartbroken


"I thought I was your destination," she told me. "Looks like I was just another stop on the line."
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hee hee
Date: Feb 16th, 2005 3:51:50 am - Subscribe
Mood: feisty


i have a Crush. (capital C).

a crush so irrelevent that it makes my tummy go ZiIng! each time i think about it. and i wanna hang out w/him and get to know him and all of those stupid things and i flick my hair and i feel nervous and all of that stuff.

i haven't felt this way in a while.
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I will disembowel you with my middle finger.
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