One pill will get me through the day...But I take two anyways...

Long ago, I loved and lost
Date: Apr 18th, 2007 6:10:50 am - Subscribe
Mood: Apathy's great in small doses
Life Support: no music right now.

Dude!! Was being a saddo and busting out OLD emails. Found a few that jerked a tear or two, and stumbled upon some poems i wrote and used to share with a friend more than like 2 or 3 years ago...this one was always one of my favorites, totally forgot i had written it. It totally sucks because i cant write, but man, the memories are just ridiculous. Im glad i kept some of them safely stashed away!



this cyanide tastes sweet tonight
I need to cry but tears run dry
and everynight its just the same
these stressing thoughts, this deathly game
Im dropping out, im giving in
good for you, you fucking win
I want to scream, but I can only dream...
of a day when everything works out
of a day when the stars will shine forever
of a day when everything is fine
of a day where I dont need this cyanide
these bloody hands, and emo bands
ill make my stand, this is my chance
and everynight its just the same
these bloodstained walls, smeared of shame
im giving in, I said id try
and this tear will be the last I cry
and I want to scream, but I can only dream...
of a day when everything works out
of a day when the stars will shine forever
of a day when everything is fine
of a day when everything is fine
of a day when everything is fine
of a day I dump this cyanide.

comment? id like to know what OTHER people think for once
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Promise me...
Date: Apr 17th, 2007 11:31:50 pm - Subscribe
Mood: wtfers!?
Life Support: Boys Night Out - Recovering

So, how is...nobody I guess because I doubt anyone reads this. Haha. Anyways, so it's been getting warm out lately which is a wonderful thing. Definately stoked for summer to get here, I'm planning on filling this summer with good times, one way or another. My own place, my own rules, and peace...God I could go for some peace soon. So yeh, If you know me and your reading this, things are crappy at home as always, I actually got most of my phone priviledges taken away...woot, I feel like I'm 14 all over again. But that will all change in time. The whole single thing is going fairly well, there's times I miss the past, but my past has ALWAYS been better left behind me, and thats where I intend to keep it But yeh things have been good, friends have been great, and my future is looking better for once. New beginnings were always my favorite.

On another note...
Why are girls so fucking stupid sometimes? Not all of you, but christ, your numbers are low haha. Use your head for once please you'll save us all a lot of trouble.

Well... this is goodbye for now!

My quote of the day:
'Love is womens cure for insecurity...after that your on your own'
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I am a monster clothed in crimson sleeves, and preforated lines where my wrists should be
Date: Apr 16th, 2007 1:30:36 pm - Subscribe
Mood: confident
Life Support: Aiden - I set my friends on fire

BOYS NIGHT OUT

"The Fine Art Of Making It Out Alive"

Kiss me on the forehead, angel, before I go to sleep. I can't remember if it's Thursday or December. I've been keeping track of days by counting hangovers and bottles on my floor. My mangled memory is making me mistake misfortune for forgiveness. I don't think I'll make it out alive. So promise me that you'll survive to bury me. Just empty all the alcohol and chronicle the chemicals, but don't forget the cigarettes. Remember every ember. Alright, I admit that past few months were broken and abused. Now I'm used to the bleeding and unspoken words that kept me so confused. Maybe we can get past these addictions, but the bodies piling up are a whole other story unless your stomach's strong enough. Hell, maybe we can just pretend that this recovery, won't depend on moderation and in the end the same routine won't leave me dead. Just empty all the alcohol...or baby, we're dead. Tomorrow we'll wake up in time to stop this double suicide through kisses laced with cyanide and one last look through blood shot eyes. I guess this is what they call killing yourself in small doses.

Well, It's been ages since I've been on here. I must say I have missed blogging, and thank god this isn't xanga. Drama much? Yeh I'll just stay away from that place. So life has definately been different lately. Lot's has changed, and mostly for the better (aside from home life). Moving out for this summer, that will be definately exciting and new, probably scary at first too, but I'm looking forward to it! Getting a job this week hopefully, which just brings me one more step closer to my well deserved freedom. Over the years I've made and lost some friends, and I must say its all working out quite well. I've lost those that bring me down, and my new friends, well, I would be lost without them. Hopefully getting to a rave in May, Tranceformers 5, sounds like its going to be rowdy times! Looking forward to that also. But I don't have much else to say today other than this little update, and some lyrics I think a lot of people may like! That song up there is deep. Well, I'll be around, until next time...

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