|
I am flying out to New Zealand to do shows for the comedy festival over there, on April 20th. Here is the performance dates- April 22nd-26th Wellington San Francisco Bathhouse April 29th- May 10th Classic Basement Theatre Auckland The flight is extremely long and how I would love it to get an upgrade! I can’t be the only person who ever wished this. I could never really justify the costs of going club class – so maybe- just maybe; some nice person who works for Air New Zealand would read this blog and kindly upgrade me? I know it’s a long shot! But you never know? I will give you a signed copy of my book, I will kiss you, I will leave you my best shoes in my will when I die…I will donate my kidneys to you! Is there anybody out there works for Air New Zealand? (Janey gets off her knees). |
|
I am so knackered – I am also so happy. My show at the Soho Theatre is selling great and my first night was packed. I love the Soho Theatre. I was tired from running around all day, you see I had to get up early (again) and head off to the NZ High Commission and organise my work visa, which I did. Though I had some trepid thoughts about this week, as the second of April was the day I finally outlived my mammy. She was murdered in April 1st 1982 and died at age 47. I am finally 47 years old and have lived past her death date. That is a wonderful thing, although when I mentioned this to my husband he merely said “the night isn’t over yet” like I could be dead by midnight! He was joking and I am still here! I am staying in Westminster in the amazing St. Johns flats and I adore this place. You can lie in bed and hear Big Ben clang its ancient bells, it’s so peaceful. Husband loves it as well. He likes the area. I have two more nights at Soho Theatre then am off to Brighton on Sunday, then Munich on Monday and back to London for the rest of my working trip. Life is good, I am older than my mum and I never had a nightmare last night! |
|
My run at the Soho Theatre was awesome. The three nights sold out and I had great shows. I love that theatre –so thanks for all who turned up to see me. I loved that you did. My best mate Monica came to see my show and it was so funny to see her sitting there in the audience. She told me that my scoop neck tee shirt made a funny weird optical illusion as I held the microphone close to my cleavage when the lights illuminated me from above – basically it resembled a big black penis nestling between my boobs, every time I held it close to my chest and that made her laugh all night! I am off to Munich to work tomorrow and will miss London – and my man- he has been wonderful keeping me well fed and watered as I run from the flat and go to work night after night. I am never back at the flat until way after midnight, as I always end up at The Groucho after my gigs. I met some cracking comedy people and had great nights hanging out with Simon Pegg and his lovely Glaswegian wife Maureen. On Friday night I caught up with my old mate Allan Carr (Friday Night Project TV show) and even shared a quick ciggie break with Tim Roth! (Who was lovely and very down to earth, he is a top guy) The best part was meeting all the people who came to the Soho Theatre shows after the gig. The audience were the best I could hope for and are such a great crowd. On Sunday night I was on at the Komedia in Brighton with the delicious Topping and Butch, their show is just a joy to behold. I am having a great time here – talk soon! |
|
I flew into Munich on Monday afternoon to do the English Comedy Club gig. Terminal 5 was fine, I was expecting a fist fight but…all quiet on the terminal front. Mind you I did not put any luggage onto the hold. I carried a small bag over my shoulder. Munich looks nice, though I saw nothing really! I don’t even know what part we were staying in. I did ask a local person what the area the club was situated in was known for and he explained “It used to be a slaughter area” – I never asked what was slaughtered, though I am hoping it was cows. The club is awesome, it is so long and the stage was at the bottom of the room. It was really hot and the lights were blazing on the stage. Then when I was onstage an odd thing occurred. The strange thing that happened was this. I was onstage for over 30 minutes and had over 15 minutes left when I felt slightly dizzy. I thought I was going to faint. Inside my head I was completely blanking out BUT my mouth continued with the act. All of these words I vaguely recognised were streaming out of my gob and yet my brain was screaming “Janey you are going to faint” People laughed at my punch lines, yet my body was totally spaced out – I held onto a table onstage and asked for a drink of water. I explained quickly to the audience “I feel a bit dizzy, I am going to sit down for a moment and have a drink of water” which I did and then stood up and got on with the show. All the while feeling really faint. It was the strangest thing I have ever experienced. I finished the show without incident and went straight back to the hotel and slept all night. I was aghast that I had fucked up but everyone told me they never even noticed, they were aware that I sat down for a few seconds- but they really enjoyed the show. Last night I was back in London and I performed at Comedy Camp and I worried that my ‘stage illness’ might secretly return. I was fine and the show went fine. I assumed that the room in Munich had little oxygen that far down in the room, that mixed with the strong lights made me slightly faint. Tonight I am in at the Vauxhall Tavern in South London and appearing in the Topping and Butch School Assembly comedy night with Neil and Christine Hamilton. I am excited. Speak soon all….Janey |
|
Husband and I are nearly 30 years together now. I lay awake this morning and thought all about that. I have no idea why the idea of our marriage made me stay awake when I really needed some sleep, but it did. Maybe it’s because Ashley will 22 years old next week and I have been thinking all about middle age and motherhood or maybe I just go through these periods of self reflection…I am not sure. Either way, there I was staring at him at 5am. He sleeps so peacefully and I wanted to wake him up to ask him thousands of questions but I didn’t. Husband was 16 years old when we met back in the late 70s and since then this relationship has suffered at least three civil wars, constant mental warfare, fifteen near peasant revolts and one Armageddon. Still we are together. It doesn’t make sense but then what does? We were always so different and so completely opposite in our outlooks. I recall when husband was my boss for fifteen years when we owned a bar together in the 80s and early 90s. He was the manager and I was his wife. I looked to him for all direction and business sense and did what I was told. I cooked, cleaned, ran the pub, cared for a new baby and starved myself to look good in hot pink leggings and carefully maintained my big curly hair-do. (Forgive my fashion sins but it was the 80s). I taught myself how to make chicken Kiev embraced aubergines, garlic bread and ratatouille (again…new fashion in food in the 80s) I was a perfectly good wife. Now the tables are completely turned and I own the business and do all the wheeling and dealing and he makes the dinner. Life is strange, if you could go back twenty years ago to 1988 and predicted I would leave that bar, become a stand up comedian, author and newspaper columnist and husband would be following me around the world, I would have probably think you had overdosed on infected heroin. Nowhere in my wildest imagination (and believe me I even had a wild imagination back then) could I have even perused the idea of being who I am now. Not ever! It takes some believing at times. When I do the bigger one woman shows and watch all of these people whom I have never met before, buy tickets to hear me talk, I have to do a reality check in my brain. Somewhere in my consciousness a wee voice whispers “Janey, tell these people you need to go and get the bar ready for opening time, stop fooling folk into thinking you are a comedian, now go boof your hair up and change the Guinness barrel” My deepest insecurities creep up on me and for a second I get scared, then the lights go down and my name is announced and people applaud as I grab the microphone and the scared little voice in my head that berates me admits defeat, pulls on Lycra leggings and sits down in the back of my brain. It is joined with fear, shame and uncertainty. They all squeeze their tired little personalities into one dark hovel and listen to me be funny and they hear a crowd laugh at my stories. I have quietened the beasts in my psyche for one more night. Husband never questioned my ability to do what I wanted, not even years ago when I would moan that I wanted to be a writer. He always encouraged me and pushed me to do what I wanted. I suppose I never believed that he believed in me. Now, he is not in the least bit amazed at anything I do. He simply smiles and puts on the dinner and waits for me to come home. Where did he get such confidence in me? What if I fail spectacularly? Will he still love me? I never woke him up to ask, I let him sleep, he has a washing to do, shopping to get in, packing to organise and breakfast to cook, so I let him snooze more. |