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Read in the newspapers today that TV Hypnotist Paul McKenna has been ‘training’ Scottish hotel staff to ‘be friendlier’ to their paying public, as we Scots are known for our ‘shit service’. Can you believe that we need a hypnotist to teach us to be nice to people who are using our services? I do…though I cant imagine how Paul McKenna would have treated my old staff back in that Pub in the East End of Glasgow, no amount of eye staring and positive thinking would have stopped my boys from pissing in your pint if you annoyed them! They did some nasty things to the evil annoying customers that irritated us…one old customer was a big fat bloated wife beating bastard, who used to stand at the end of the bar and shout orders to us like we were fucked up mental patients, he particularly hated me as I always answered him back. Some men in that pub HATED any woman who answered back; it was the kinda place that if a woman didn’t wear an underskirt she was eligible for electric shock treatment! Anyway this fat dude called Albert, put his wife down in front of people, he berated my staff and thought he owned the place. To show off he used to demand a pot of tea in the middle of a busy service, he was never charged for it as he was a regular, but I know a barman who used to skip to the toilet and squeeze his teabag in the TOILET BOWL, then bring it into the kitchen and make up his pot of tea for him….!!! Mind you that probably is just a joke! I am sure Albert’s tea was perfect and no one got a pissed pint. Seriously though-Scottish service can be dodgy; we still haven’t quite gripped pleasing the public yet. I go up North regularly and stop off at different wee tea/lunch places and am often appalled at the food and service. The amount of café’s or tearooms that I have visited in the countryside and been offered ‘Taste’s like Milk’ portions with my coffee is awful. I mean we are IN THE COUNTRYSIDE …how many cows surround us? Is it so hard to get fresh milk there? On the flipside when we do come across a good place it is awesome and very well done, one of my favourites is the George Hotel in Inverary is great. The food is fresh and local and the menu changes regularly, it’s also reasonable and the service is so prompt and helpful. Another good place is between St.Andrew’s and Perth its called The Bein Inn. A great live music venue at night, surrounded by amazing hills and forestry, the food is just top notch. The service there is also first class and again fresh local produce and amazing fish dishes. On another note… Am all set for Edinburgh and can’t wait, I have been worried about it but NOW I AM UP FOR IT! Can you believe it? I am going to the world’s best festival to perform and do something I love EVERY NIGHT…life does not get better. Mind you I am not buying a pot of tea from ANYONE even if Paul McKenna has trained them first. |
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I am all set to go to the Fringe, my show is ready, my bags are packed and today I found another lump in my breast. I have had biopsies before and am currently ‘under surveillance’ in the lumpy tit department and just when I thought I was safe… I am smiling though, as I have been fretting so much about my show-tickets sales-reviews..Etc..Etc..And after all that I might have to get me tit lopped off! Great! I am not going to worry myself sick; I just need to go through another biopsy and mammogram. That really hurts you know. I don’t want to scare anyone but getting your tits squashed by two flat plates until your boobies resemble thin and crispy pizza’s is fucking deathly painful. I know I have done it twice before. You think your tits will POP! If they squeeze them one more centimetre, Guys reading this? Imagine your nuts flattened by two ceramic bathroom tiles and pressure on them till they look like prawn dim sum! The show will go on, I am talking to my doc tomorrow and he will decide what day I go to breast clinic and I will go on stage that night as I HAVE to…and I WANT to. On another note, I managed to scar my daughter’s eyebrow. She asked me to wax them and the wax tape was so strong that it ripped out her wee tough eyebrows and has left a big strip of red bruise above her eyeball! She is telling people I gave her a black eye! I am on the radio this week, if you check Friday 5th August 11.00am BBC RADIO 4 (FM only) RADIO "WE'RE ALL GROWN UP HERE" ------------------------------------- Saturday 6th August 1.05pm BBC RADIO SCOTLAND RADIO "OFF THE BALL" Alex Dickson Clyde 2 ‘Authors’ Wednesday 17th August: 10:00 PM - 10:30 Pm --------------------------------------------- ON TV THIS MONTH YOU CAN SEE Wednesday 24th August 10.30pm BBC1 SCOTLAND COMEDY "VOICES SCOTLAND" Scottish comics including Stanley Baxter and Janey talk about the Scottish language (i.e. Scottish English NOT Gaelic). Also available outside Scotland on Sky channel 941 Everything else can be checked on my website www.janeygodley.co.uk |
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Sorry I have been away for a wee while, my laptop was fucked and being here at the Fringe made it more difficult for me to find internet or get it fixed easily. We did take it to a wee geeky man who declared it fit but did mention in my receipt the following info.. Invoice number 53 Vat number 502533775 Janey Godley (said she was a comedian) Service details Recover internet connections Check for viruses—ok Check for Spyware—ok Check for Firewall—ok Check for porn-I need to meet you ‘I NEED TO MEET YOU?’ what the hell does that mean? I have porn in my laptop??? So much PORN that he has to meet me??? Any way’s I am into day two of my Fringe Show, my opening night was good fun. I decided not to give away free tickets to fill the room as I prefer people to be there because they want to, it’s like having a man fuck you who doesn’t actually like you…and I am not doing that. I got a good house anyway, especially for a first night! Met Rain Pryor, she is a lovely talented US performer and Richard Pryor’s daughter, her stuff is very good and her show is on at the same venue as mine –Underbelly venue 61. We came across a really good café/restaurant called ERAWAN off Jackson’s Entry, they are very swanky, the coffee’s are cheap yet great and the WI/FI internet is FREE…also they took time to help fix my PC…so I love them. I am off to Glasgow tonight after my show and the scary story telling show I do after mine. I need to get up early for Radio show on BBC Scotland at 1pm Saturday. Update on the breast scare—I have an appointment for next week and will let you all know ASAP the results. Thanks for ALL your supportive messages. XX |
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These cobble stones in Edinburgh are killers, I think the people who lived here in ancient times did not die of any plague but of SORE CALVES…mine ache beyond belief. The flat we have is just off the Royal Mile, it is in a really old building and the views are amazing, the only problem being down on the Royal Mile is that you cannot walk out of the flat to get a newspaper or regular stuff BUT if I wanted a tartan Dolly, Tartan rock, Tartan Shawl, Tartan kilt or a wee Nessie doll, a big Sword (why?) or any other piece of Scottish tat then I am surrounded by Tartan shops that will provide such shite if I need it. I know that it’s there for the tourist but the pavements are so narrow that you can hardly walk through the street without being mobbed by Japanese, Chinese or American tourists gawking and stopping dead in the street to stare at Tartan tat…it drives me nuts! I am a grumpy old cow. I had in four reviewers last night (Saturday) and I am so glad the show went well, it is always a worry that the minute the reviewers come you fall flat, but I did a good show and the crowd (all payers!) cheered and I sold books afterwards! My boob is sore and tonight I go home as tomorrow I go to the docs for the latest in my rounds of ‘Lump hunting’ therapy. I will go for my biopsy during the Fringe and WILL perform that night as I am a trouper! Well that’s what I plan to do anyway. The press so far have been interested in me. I do a show about abuse/murder/pain/domestic abuse etc…they always ask me how I can make such subjects funny, and I love that question because I really don’t know the answer, I just know that I do and I enjoy doing something different from other comics. It really is storytelling as I call it and because I have had an ‘interesting life’ it makes the show meatier. My daughter is working hard and I am very proud of her as always. More whinges though…. I have to say that I HATE seagulls, I lie in that bed in the flat and the noise of those big fat white bastards really irritates me, how can they be that loud? If my microphone breaks at the gig, I am going to do my show through the arse of a gull as that would be heard for miles! I think they have amplifiers in their evil throats, why cant they all fuck off to a beach? There is nine dead pigeons outside our flat and that worries me, who is killing them? The Gull Mafia? Maybe this is the latest in the Gull War? I actually watched a gull peck and eat at a dead pigeon…YUKK! I am off to try to fight with my mental curly hair that is defying gravity and all manner of expensive hair products, it resembles a huge angry bush, I think I may have a dead pigeon in it. |
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Murder accusation update…see end of blog Well my first review is in…it was in Edinburgh Evening News and it was very good. A fine 3 *** and it mentions how last years show was hard to top’ It would be tough to top last years supremely well received show’ then it goes onto say ‘The Godley saga continues to unfold and it’s absolutely captivating’ So I am heartily pleased by that review of my first night! I have more to come and am waiting with baited breath, am worried no one likes this years show. Spoke to a journalist last night who did say kind and interesting words, he told me that my show last year dealing with abuse/murder/revenge and all the various problems I had in my past has really set a precedent and that other comics are now doing shows dealing with their pain/abusive pasts and other dangerous topics…I am very flattered at that comment, although I always assumed comedy was steeped in tragedy and as far as I am concerned Bill Hicks and all the rest were dealing with frightening topics way back then and they will always remain my Hero’s. Went to see ‘Shake, Rattle and Noel’ at the Gilded Balloon 5.30pm. I can tell you now it was AWESOME…I was stunned by the performance, anyone reading this and planning a to see a show BUY A TICKET NOW. Noel deals with his Tourette’s Syndrome and then takes you on a journey of his past, it covers drug dealing, sea faring, dancing….I swear it’s just fantastic. I am so inspired after watching that. My doctor’s appointment has been moved to Tuesday now. Each night in my show I tell the audience I suspect someone I am involved in of murdering the man who murdered my mother and I tell the audience to watch this blog for daily updates on this. As yet he has NOT confessed and is MIGHTLY annoyed that I keep asking, so therefore today’s news is … “Leave me alone, I told you to stop asking me that question…is this in your show or something?” |