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“Auntie Janey, I can see the moon and the sun….look” pointed baby Abi as I walked her home in the late afternoon light. “How can I see both?” she asked. “Well it’s because the time of year and the light I think, I am not very sure Abi am sure Ashley will know because she is cleverer than me, so we will go ask her soon” I smiled. Abi stopped walking and looked at me and said “But she’s just your baby, she can’t know more than you” the wee three year old toddler looked shocked that an adult would have to ask their child for an answer. “Ashley isn’t a baby she is nearly 21 years old, that makes her an adult” I explained. She still looked confused so I got off the subject of explaining Ashley’s age. “Ok then I will ask you, why do you think we can see the moon and the sun at the same time, you are a clever girl you tell me then?” I spoke to her wee open face and huge brown eyes. Abi thought for a moment and looked up at the pale grey distant moon that was peeking out behind the clouds and then shifted her head to look at the late wintry sun on the other end of the sky and said “I can see both because they wanted me to see them and they came out so I would look at them” I laughed out loud and agreed, the moon and the sun wanted Abi to look at them at the same time…she is right! Why would the world exist if a toddler couldn’t look at it? I miss having a wee toddlers look on the world, it never stops making me laugh. |
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The eternal comedy question arises. When a woman walks on stage she knows that the majority of the audience are not convinced she is funny and has to hit them straight away with a joke to get them to relax and trust her, where as men are assumed funny the minute they walk on and hold a microphone, they are allowed their time to get into their stride. Having been a stand up for ten years now, I realised I never had any female role models in comedy. There weren’t that many female Scottish comics around when I started out and wee Jimmy Krankie doesn’t count. My hero’s of comedy were Jerry Sadowitz and Billy Connolly. So my type of comedy was never female orientated, I was hard core right from the start. I was told by promoters that I was too strong and scary, so I had to tone it down as no one wants to be over whelmed by a woman. So I started talking about personal issues, my past and my own take on life. I don’t do gags, my comedy is more in the story telling style and connecting with an audience. Dealing with hecklers can be a double edged sword coming from a female. If you are too clever, the insults keep coming as a punter is determined to win the shout, or worse, if a man heckles and you put him down his girlfriend will snarl at you as she doesn’t get to speak to him like that…so why should you? No one really likes a smart mouthed woman, not even other females! Women can be political commentators, social observers and incredibly good satirists; we don’t all talk about tampons. Female comics storm clubs up and down the UK regularly, though we do get accused of “Too much information about wombs” and “Please not the child birthing jokes” Why aren’t we allowed to talk about such topics when men can bang on about masturbation till we all want to poke our eyes out with a blunt spoon? Men can do whole sets about child birth, placenta and women’s toilet parts but even though this is our domain we are encouraged not to talk about it, leave it to the boys! I love going onstage and talking about subjects that confound the stereo types of female comedy. I make jokes about murder, violence and gangsters. Trust me there is comedy material right there, you just have to use the language and timing to unfold a story properly and let the audience guide you to where the line cannot be crossed. Usually with a good comedy audience, there is no line that can be crossed and laughter, tragedy and comedy can be explored and enjoyed with a bunch of strangers in a wee dark room. Still being a woman in stand up has its downsides. Many times I have gotten into conversations with cab drivers as they have dropped me off at clubs, on hearing that I am stand up comic they mostly say “I don’t like it when women swear and talk about sex, you don’t do that do you? That’s for the men to do” and I often sit there and muse on his words and say back to them “Shut up and drive the cab, I hate it when taxi drivers assume I am from the Victorian Era and my comedy act is based around my wonderful parlour skills, a ditty about my new hat and a song about a yellow canary” Women can swear, get down and dirty, be sensitive, procrastinate, debate, joke and look honestly at life without being vulgar. Comedy timing and the use of communication makes all the difference. I never actually knew I was a female comedian till I went to London and they announced me as “She is a woman and from Scotland” I was just a stand up comic in Scotland my sex was never seen as an issue, barrier or hindrance. We rarely see an all female line up in a mainstream comedy club; these nights are usually a novelty with the tag ‘Girls night’ as a feature. Yet many comedy clubs regularly have four male comics on and the show isn’t presented as ‘Boys Night Out’, that’s just called a comedy gig. Some clubs are still reticent about putting on more than two women on the same bill; maybe the smell of ovaries is too overwhelming for some audiences. So yes women are funny, they have always been funny and we will raise the bar when it comes to talking about the stuff that matters. The boys can have the masturbation material, the childbirth and period jokes…I want to talk about how my mammy got a light bulb out of an Alsatians Dogs mouth by smacking it in the crotch with a snooker ball in her sock….its a funny story and there are no tampons in the punch line. That’s exactly the kind of stuff I will be doing this coming week March 8th at Garage venue as part of the Glasgow Comedy Festival, do come along and say hi please? Then on March 9th my daughter Ashley and I will be doing our sketch show called Square Street at Blackfriars in Glasgow. |
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I have had a really exciting week. Tickets are selling well for my one woman show Janey Godley Live! At Garage on March 8th as part of the Glasgow Comedy festival and secondly I got offered my own weekly column in the Scotsman Newspaper. I am over the moon and so looking forward to being a real proper journalist! I have written for the Scotsman a few times before and they have been so supportive, it really is a quality UK paper. My dad is very proud of me and I really want to go and find Miss Miller my old school teacher who encouraged me to write when I was ten. She always told me that I told great stories and she instilled so much confidence into my soul that I really felt good about myself at probably the most difficult time in my life. I was being regularly sexually abused at that time. Good teachers do make all the difference to young people. On another note last night in Portsmouth as me and the other comics came out of the comedy club, we all gaped up at the moon….it was so round and pink it hung in the sky like a balloon…it was awesome and then we realised it was the lunar eclipse. I have never seen it look so beautiful and rounded like that, we all just stood and stared upwards. I fly home today from Southampton so I must get off this laptop and go catch a train to the airport…byeeee. |
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Husband and I went a walk down into Kelvingrove Park. There was a wee winding path that took us down to the river. As we approached the look out point there was this amazing noise, it was like a rustling and thundering running sound. I turned round and before my eyes about 46 squirrels were running down through the foliage and gathered all around me. Staring. When they reached me they stopped dead, they stood still on the ground. They crouched frozen in the trees; they sat like statues on the flat rocks….all looking at me…expectantly and with anticipation. It was like Hitchcock’s The Birds except with squirrels. I was scared. Their wee beady eyes were darting about, I moved and then all the squirrels moved. It was like synchronised dancing and I was the lead hoofer, the tiny grey rats with bushy tails waited for me to move and then they moved! I was scared to breathe incase the noise alerted them… Then they rushed towards my legs and jumped around looking at me as if saying “Ok Fatty where are the nuts and raisins?” I was like a reluctant Snow White…those scary wee fuckers are really creepy. I never had nuts or fruit; they must be those city squirrels that get hand fed. I don’t carry assorted fruits for small mammals! “Holy Fuck is one near my head? I felt something on my head” I screamed at husband. “No it’s a leaf that fell but there is one big squirrel dangling off the branch and it’s almost on your neck” he answered. I moved away and watched as the wee squirrels also moved back two steps…yet still in co ordination. The wee squirrels had these amazing bushy tails that are so soft and look like a boa scarf, the tiny wee hairs on the tails twitch around and they look like they are pixelated. I was still scared; I don’t care how cute they looked. At that point a few pigeons came flapping down to join the party. They weren’t welcome; the squirrels were currently acting out their own ‘Gangs of New York’ but in a small furry woodland animal version. One pigeon spotted a wee bit of bread on the ground near my foot and waddled over to peck it and to my utter amazement a big squirrel walked over casually and PUNCHED the pigeon on the head with its wee grey midget fist! I have never seen such aggression in a long time and I used to own a bar in the East End of Glasgow! I think that big squirrel had a hand gun under its ass! After the scary grey squirrels realised that I didn’t have any food to give them they stood there and sneered at me, I am sure one or two actually gave me the finger… I am never going there again…those wee fat tree hanging fuckers scare me. |
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The Scotsman Newspaper called me last week and offered me my own column. I am so excited and scared…what if I am a shit writer…I know this blog is popular but I might be crap. I went through to Edinburgh for the photo session as I needed a new picture for the head of the column. I was so tired and I had to wear my hair in rollers and actually travel in the car with scary rollers stuck in my head. By the time I got to Edinburgh I had a sore nippy head full of jaggy rollers and managed to put enough make up on to cover the huge spot on my top lip. So the photo came out ok, and my first column is this coming Monday, I will be in London and miss the bloody thing unless I can find an international newsvendor. Monica and I are going to celebrate on Monday night as I am in London for business for only one day. On another note, I have eight kids aged 13 to 15 for two afternoons a week. Ashley and I teach them film making tips and basic camera work, also some comedy and confidence skills. I love them all so much and today we had a real sharing time. We got to talk about stuff that matters and witnessing them supporting each other through hard times is life affirming I love watching them do comedy, characterisations and stand up….and they are my wee bunch of stars and I will hate letting them go next week when it ends. So this blog is dedicated to my happy bunch of Glasgow Kids…you make me smile. See you all next week in the Scotsman. |