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Woke up in Auckland, the sun streaming through the heavy curtains and yet another morning on the other end of the world. I love Skype, my wee daddy has been shown how to use it, but what he hasn’t really grasped is the time difference. His conversations are amazing, I do love hearing his voice, it’s just the mad stuff he talks about that drive me nuts and I struggle to chat back at 3am! “Janey that cat from next door peeped its head round the door and I chased it with a laser pen, that red dot drives it nuts” he shouted loudly down the microphone. So yesterday morning, with no daddy voice to cheer me up, I boarded a flight to Wellington. How I love this city of Wellington, though I could do without that biting wind. Every single shop, theatre and street sign reminds me of the time Ashley and I came here in 2006. So, am in Wellington, its awesome and just a wonderful city. The hotel is just perfect and it is had the biggest bath I have ever seen! Can’t wait to go for a swim in that baby! Last night we all did the First Laughs in the Wellington Opera House. The building is 93 years old and is a proper old theatre, such beauty. The show went well, I over ran my set which is a bad thing but everyone assured me it was ok, but it felt greedy doing that, I just couldn’t see the cue light amongst the 500 other lights on the ceiling. So we all hoofed it to the after show party at the Good Luck bar which is just a cracking wee bar to hang out in, the downside is I drank gin and wore high heels and danced. Yes, all bad. This morning in the complete darkness my hotel door got knocked on, then it was opened but the chain stopped it. I leapt out of bed and opened the door up and shouted at this obviously crazy woman “Excuse me, why are you banging on all the doors?” “I am housekeeping and if you don’t want your room cleaned put the do not disturb sign on please?” she yapped back. “At this time of the morning?” I screamed at her. I stepped into the hall and to get a better shout at her. “It’s almost 10am” she spoke back and stared at me. I stood there and threw up my arms and said “really?”...that’s when I heard my door click shut. I was standing in the hall in my tee shirt and knickers. “Can you open my door please” I humbly begged. “Alcohol is a demon” she whispered as she opened my door. Great, I party one night a year, I drink 3 gins and dance and suddenly I am Courtney Love. Wellington be gentle with me I am groggy and tired. |
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My opening night at Wellington was just bloody great! A huge turnout and a wonderful audience – Ziggy and the guys at San Francisco Bath House are just the best ever! They really know how to run a comedy gig and we comics appreciate that. I am glad my first night went good, it really tired me out. As soon as my show was over I went straight to the hotel and was asleep for 9.30pm! I got some lovely emails this morning from people who were at the show and they mentioned how poignant the ending was, it really is an emotional show at times, but funny none the less. Am glad the Wellingtonians took to it. The downside is I still DONT have a phone that works, I have been given two mobiles but BOTH need either unlocked or thrown into the ocean for not working well. Does anyone have a cheap pay as you go phone that needs just phone vouchers and can lend it to me until 25th May? Please? The comedy fest crew down here in Wellington are awesome, they said “Call us and we will get you anything you need”. I said “can you get me a phone so I can call you for stuff?” How they laughed. So tonight in NZ the comedy gala is aired and I am hoping I am on it and someone in NZ can record it on DVD for me. Ok, its early am on the Skype to husband and Ashley and I am off...speak soon. |
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I have loved being here in Wellington though it rained nonstop for days on end which meant I stayed in my room until show time. I really hate that I never got to go around Wellington and doing stuff, I never ate down at the water front, I never went up the cable car, all the things I have done before. It just rained and made me quite depressed lying in the dark in my hotel room. The shows have been going great guns and the festival people look after you so well. Dan Crozier finally got me a phone I could use (it wasn’t his job to get me phone but he is awesome) but the phone is all smashed in on the screen and it looks like it was lifted from a rape crime scene. There might be blood splatters on it, BUT it works and that’s the main thing. I have hardly seen hide or hair of Blanket Man the famous Wellington street hobo. Even he got out of the rain. I miss him in a strange way. The San Francisco Bath House (which isn’t a gay sauna) is a wonderful venue and Ziggy and his crew make everyone so welcome and the shows have been selling out good. Today I did the Kids Comedy Shows and that was a great experience. On Sunday I do one kids show then fly to Auckland and go straight into Diva’s Comedy show...so busy life. My bit in NZ telly at the comedy Gala was awesome, I am so glad they didn’t edit the Susan Boyle skit that I did and I will get it uploaded to YouTube as soon as possible. Meanwhile you can see it on Facebook if you are added as my friend! My Twitter count is going up as well, I gained 100 people in the last week...I am touched. Missing husband and Ashley and my daddy of course, will tell you all about Auckland when I get there. |
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She had dark thick hair and quick hazel eyes; she could smile and shout at the same time, With a chubby finger I would trace the lines around her eyes and make up stories about the moles on her chin, She would sit with me and stare into my face “What do you see Janey?” she asked me once, “I see you mammy, you have brown dots on your eye” I whispered back. “They are the stains of the past” she told me as she cupped my face close. The stains of her past could have been cleansed, I could have washed them with her in our old age-but she went away and died too young, I was too young, I miss telling stories about her face. I am a mum, I trace the shape of my daughter’s face with my wrinkled fingers and I get to tell her wondrous stories about the moles on her chin, she has brown dots on her eyes, they aren’t blemishes though. They are stars past down by a woman who mistook them for stains. |
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Yesterday was hectic. I had finished my run at Wellington on the Saturday night and we had a small party type end of season get together. Jason John Whitehead got a wee bit drunk and we ended up having a pinching fight on the sofa during Jason Cook’s Asylum gig, I won but JJ did manage to throw beer into my crotch which stunk nicely. The crew down in Wellington are awesome, they just treated us like royalty and I repaid that by throwing beer around and getting giddy. I finally got into hotel at 5am, which in reality was madness as I had a kids show at 1pm. I am too old for thigh nipping, beer throwing high jinkery. I got up Sunday morning, packed my entire belongings, checked out of hotel and headed to the kids show. I was Soooooooooo tired and the kids were awesome. Except for one fat dad who decided to heckle AT A KIDS SHOW! Boy did he get a very contained, clean and scathing mouthful from me. The other parents sat there gobsmacked at how a man could sit and heckle at a kids show. It made the room tense, but then I explained to the kids that the reason the man kept shouting was because he never paid attention to teachers when he was small and sometimes adults who don’t get enough attention and drink too much late night lemonade shouldn’t keep pets never mind be in charge of a small human or monkey for that matter and should be respectful. The kids laughed loudly, the other parent’s tutted at him and I got the kids to shout “Shut up grumpy adult” really loudly. I suspect wife beating racist was in the room but with kids in ear shot and his own son being equally mouthy, I restrained myself and gave him a Good Godley stare. He continued to shout out and heckle the amazing improvised story that Derek Flores was performing. We were aghast but felt sorry for his kid. Then off we ran to the airport to catch a flight to Auckland as me and Maeve Higgins was on the Diva show at Sky City Theatre on landing basically. We were all so tired. When we landed in Auckland I noticed that Steve Coogan had shared the busy flight, we chatted and he asked me how the shows were going, he is on a world tour and off to Vancouver. He was lovely and I love his stuff, so that cheered me up. So then I squeezed into a 1971 Ford Capri with luggage that the Chris from the festival turned up in to get me to the hotel. It was like going back in time and he drove bare foot! The car made noises much the same as my own cranky chassis. I got into the hotel at 6.50pm and bear in mind I was MC at 7.30pm at the big theatre which luckily was in the same hotel as we were staying. I looked like a shit and needed to get my act together. The concierge came up to the room. He whipped out the iron, iron board, adjusted the iron heat, unpacked my makeup, made me tea and basically got everything ready for me! What a GUY! I was out the door with lovely clothes, full make up and tufty hair tied up and on stage for 7.30 on the dot! Divas show was just great, I love working with women. We all giggled and laughed backstage and the show went like a dream. There was a meet and greet afterwards with some competition winners for me and Michelle A’ Court, normally that might feel like a horrific forced party but the women were awesome and we all chatted like old mates. So on Monday I got ready for my show opening at Classic Comedy Club and it was awesome. But am glad that Sky City Hotel is looking after me, they are just BRILLIANT! Thank you guys. |