What\'s my problem?
Date: Dec 30th, 2004 3:38:21 pm - Subscribe
Mood: wiped out


Er, it's not going so well. I mean I haven't even been able to handle the smallest routine. Part of the problem is that I'm not sleeping well at night. Abby and I got the flu before Christmas and that messed up her ability to sleep on her own at night. Now, she's waking up again at night and having a very hard time getting back to sleep. So, I'm wiped out. I dragged myself out of bed at 11 o'clock this morning. Thank God the kids are here to help with Abby on days like this.

Good sleep is the foundation of my day, and I'm not getting it, but I don't think I can wait till I'm sleeping well to make changes. Actually, I think I'll sleep better after I make some of those changes. For example, when I lost 20 pounds I was sleeping better. Now that I've gained back 10, I've noticed that my back and neck hurt at night. Is it possible that my hips are just enough bigger to create problems for me at night?

I think I need to focus my energy on just one or two areas for change and work from there. I can't change too much too fast, and while I know that, I can't resist the temptation to try and change everything that is wrong all at once. I struggle with this issue over and over. I'm wondering if counseling would help. Do I need that? Part of me wants to believe I'm too smart to not be able to figure this out for myself, and part of me would really welcome some help. Maybe today I'll make a phone call or two to see how much of the cost our insurance would cover.

I was in therapy once before, but that was different. I was truly depressed then and so far gone that I was having panic attacks and couldn't see my way out. I'm not depressed now, just stuck. I can see my way out, but can't seem to make myself move toward the light. So, I'm not sure this situation deserves that kind of intervention. Counseling seems like a luxury right now, an indulgence. Hmmm, I'll just sit with that for now.
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