The feeling of being boring. Like people don't like me because I am mediocre or I look dull and average. Tell me I'm not. Tell me I'm special. And often. I am not the type of person that can live off nice words said to me a few days ago and make them last a week. I get worried and anxious that at any moment I could lose it all. It's happened before and I wasn't ready. I don't ever want to be ready to lose it this time. I want what I have now to last forever. I just don't want to seem to clingy. I don't know how to speak these words. They roll off my tongue and taste bad. Like they're not supposed to come out. But I want them to. I don't want to lose what I have. Love is hard to find. Everything happens for a reason and if my last relationship failed for a reason. I want this to be the reason. I am so much happier now but so insecure. Things are so perfect and everyone always says, when things seem to good to be true, they probably are. I don't want that to be true. XXOO Heather ♥

I am so hungry. I haven't eaten anything all day and I seriously feel like I'm going to pass out. I know what you're thinking, well go eat some food stupid!! I'd eat some food but I'm stuck with Justin doing research and he doesn't understand my dyer need for food. He says that when we get to his house we can make pancakes. Please be done soon! Please be done soon! Please! I am so hungry.



I just bought a new purse today and it is so cute! Liz Claiborne. Today I didn't go to class. I have to stop skipping Thursdays. Tomorrow I am going to go to make up some hours though and I also have some tests to make up. I have work tomorrow 5-10. I'm okay with it because I haven't been scheduled for work all week.



There's this lady sitting near me at the research center and he ear looks like a pin cushion! There are so many earrings. It doesn't even look pretty. They're all stupid hoops. If I had that many in my ears I would at least have some pretty colored stones. I hope I can go eat some pancakes soon. Oh my god! My stomach hurts so bad! I gotta stop writing and start bothering Justin to finish up so we can leave. I have my car with me too but I don't know how to get anywhere. XXOO Heather ♥

I am so happy that I closed my bank north account today. That was the worst bank I have ever used! Every time I went there the bitches at the counter would act like I was a fucking accountant. I'm only 18, how the fuck am I supposed to know my account number off the top of my head and fill out the forms for deposits right? They're lucky if I even got the right ones. Well anyways, Wachovia is my new bank. Bitches work at it but I think all banks have some bitches working at them. I feel like I'm going to the DMV when I go to the bank. It sucks but I have to do it. I also need to keep a very very very close eye on my spending!!!! That is what got me in this whole mess which is over thank god. Oh and yeah, planet fitness can kiss my ass!!!!! That's another story for another day though.



Today I went over Justin's after class. We watched No Country for Old Men. It was a really good movie. Sort of sad and bloody but it was a good movie. It won best picture of the year at the Oscars. I wouldn't quite say it's a best picture but it's up there. It's different.



Even though a lot of things are better in my life, I still feel really stressed out and worried. Worried like I forgot something or something is coming up that I am dreading. When I try and think of what it is; nothing. I can't think of a single thing. I've always been like this. I wish this feeling would go away. It's always in my head right before I go to sleep. Okay I'm changing the subject but I don't feel like making a new paragraph and changing the color. this is going to be sort of a quick finish and I'm going to sum things up as much as I can. Justin gave me these cute bee antennas. I'm going to wear them around my house lol because I like them and they're from him. I can wear them and be a cute bumblebee and think of him. I can't wait until next Saturday when I go to Stanton Island with him. I've never been there. But of course I'm nervous because he says I'll be meeting a lot of his family and I should try and be outgoing. I'm not usually outgoing when I first meet people. I'm really shy. And there are some other questions. What should I wear? Dress up or casual? So many questions and things to think about. Maybe I'll make cupcakes to bring and people will fall in love with me or maybe I'll make Italian wedding cookies and they'll love me even more. Yes!!! I am so good! If i bring something amazing then it will make up for my lack of being outgoing and such. I feel much better now. XXOO Heather ♥

I talked to my mom today. She's still in the hospital but I think she's doing better. I then went to Justin's house. We went to a diner and I got an amazing cheeseburger. It was so good. He's such a great guy. I always feel so beautiful around him. He tells me I'm beautiful and pretty a lot. I like it. I'm just worried that one day he'll stop liking me or get mad at me because some days I can get angry and argue with him for no reason. I really have to stop it. I say things I don't mean and Justin is a really great guy. There aren't many left out there.



I love when he cooks for me. We make breakfast food sometimes at like 2 in the morning. Breakfast food is my favorite type of food. He makes really good pancakes and eggs. I hope tomorrow night we can make some. I love him so much. He fixed my broken heart. I kept explaining to people I felt like an animal that was in a zoo it's whole life and then released into the wild and expected to live on its own. It's how I felt after my last relationship crashed and burned. I didn't know how to meet new guys, and if I did we'd go on one date and they would never talk to me again. I'm not that boring or ugly. I now know that everything happens for a reason. I'm with Justin now and he gets me. I feel perfect when I'm with him. It's hard for me to say this but I actually feel happy. Life has thrown me a lot of curve balls and still is but I have one good thing and it's enough for me to keep holding on.



I had better get to sleep soon. I'm so tired and tomorrow I'm going to my dad's for corn chowder. My favorite food on the entire planet, but only when my grandmother makes it. I'll have to see if Justin can come along. He still hasn't met my dad and tomorrow would be a nice day to. Okay now it's time for bed. XXOO Heather ♥

Hi. I'm Heather. I'm not new to this. I've actually been on here since it was emo blog. I've made the decision to return and write down my thoughts in here every day. This time around they might be happier thoughts. New boyfriend. New job. College. Cute car. Brand new everything. I'm not the person I used to be when I first started this blog.



Okay so anyways, I met this boy and he is totally amazing. I'm not going to explain or even mention my last boyfriend because i am not one to dwell in the past. Anyways, I met this boy and his name is Justin. He is so amazing. He cares about me so much, it's almost ridiculous. Ridiculous because I don't know why anyone would care about me that much. I'm just um... me. He lives sort of far away from my town which is a bit of an issue since gas is so expensive. I just got done paying 3.15 a gallon and that's one of the cheaper gas stations! I manage though. I have a decent paying job and not too many bills. We see each other pretty much every day and I like it that way. He's all mine and I'm all his. I'm not like other people. When I get into a relationship, my boyfriend becomes number one and I only want to see him. No one else. People criticize me for it but it's how I am.



He's 100% Italian which is madd hott because my family is madd Italian too. The only down side is, I might get fat. Growing up in my house, my mom always insisted me and my brother eat lots of food. It's how Italians are. Speaking of my brother, he got a new job. Now he's in the spotlight in the family. I could win the noble prize and my family would still be hung up on how proud they are of my brother. It's okay though because for a while I thought my grandmother was going to kick him out of the house. He's moving out soon though. I hope he doesn't get an apartment with his friends kyle and mike. Hmm how do I put this? They're not the best people in the world. I just ruined the tone. Changing subject.



I cleaned my room last night before Justin came over and it looks so amazing. I vacuumed and my mom got me a new shoe organizer but not all my shoes will fit. One day I'm going to clean out my closet and then I'll have room for all of my shoes to be organized. Well that's enough for this entry. XXOO Heather ♥