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jessiebell
My feet are frozen. - Subscribe
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Hah. Titlestitlessssss. Uhm. So basically, last night i have no idea; i was laughing and crying together for an extended amount of time. I suspect it's the hormones. It's been three weeks, soyeah. -___- At times i didn't know whether to laugh or whether to cry. And my mum was there, and she didn't make any effort to calm me down or anything. I'm not sure, but i feel like i'm on repeat. It's happening again; and Rich is going to save me. It's all rather inevitable. I feel like i need to die again, that way the cycle will be broken. I hate the starting of these feelings. It disrupts and destroys. There's the possible distancing that i will do too which is v. annoying. And what was with the doctor's not finding anything internally wrong with me? :/ That just scares me. If it's genetics; genes and all that, then my family... gosh. they're pretty screwed. And that's why i'm scared about giving blood, and possibly having a kid one day. Being that there's nothing internally wrong, i'm safe with the pregnancy stuffs now. *sigh* Will getting back together with Rich hinder me in any way? Will it make me go back, rather than forwards? Is it the best thing to do? Are all our intentions correct? But it feels so right. And so much better. And i haven't felt this good in forever; not to mention alive. It's like i've only just remembered how to breathe. It's refreshing and exciting, heart racing; mind blowing, caring... Maybe this is the way forwards. Maybe it's the only way. Maybe there's no one else. We're soulmates. Hmso, mum's getting me some Nutella (as a deal since we're all eating proper healthy atm.) I feel fat atm. I have no idea. But ohwells, this weekend it's Nutella on toast. :D Hah. Only 1 exam left! Wahey. I get Tuesday morning off too, so it isn't that bad. Today in english lit, we're doing the war literature stuffs now. Hah. Lotsssssssssss of background readin' to do. :/ We got a book that's 503 pages long called 'Birdsong' by Sebastian Faulks & of course it's about WW1. We have to read it in four weeks. :| Considering i have exams, my Psychology coursework AND this; you know.. it's gonna suck trying to get through this. I was flicking through on the bus though, and i came across a few paragraphs: 'He kissed her and she pressed herself close to him. He found his hands at once searching beneath her clothes. Her eyes looked up into his. They were wide and enquiring, full of urgency and light. Almost at once they closed as she let out a little sigh of excitement. They were leaning against the wall of the room and he had slipped his hand through the fastening at the back of her skirt. He could feel the satin under his fingers, then a round soft swell beneath. He felt her fingers on the front of his trousers. 'We must stop.' He pulled himself back. .......... a few paragraphs later........ He kissed her deeply and she began to sigh again and rubbed herself against him. 'Please,' she said, 'please.' He did not know if she meant for him to stop or to continue. He had lifted her skirts as she stood with her back to the wall and now had his fingers between her legs. ' Come to me,' she whispered, her breath hot in his ear. 'Into me, now.' He removed her fumbling fingers from his trousers and freed himself.... ... He had to lift her a little, clasping her legs around his waist so that he could not move but had to bear her weight.... ....She opened her eyes again and smiled at him. 'I love you.' She covered his face with kisses, keeping his body captive by her weight. Then she put her feet on the ground again and gently pulled him out of her. His flesh was rigid and swollen with blood. She ran her hand up and down it until he began to pant, and give way at the knees, then spurted onto the floor, then against her dress, before she could take the last three or four spasms in her mouth.' And there we have it. An interesting and descriptive piece of writing about sex. Presumably it's about a soldier. But then, who knows until i read it properly. From that though, doesn't sound too bad. :) |