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jessiebell
Reflections. - Subscribe
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I've been thinking a lot lately. Last year was so much better. I was the girl with that determined fighting spirit. The one ready for a new chance to start over, who was going to help herself and everyone else. The one who would try, and develop as a person and whatnot. What happened to her? :/ meh. I think, because i should have picked up where i left off; i'm going back to my old aeonity blog. lovexhate. <3 |
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jessiebell
Bury me, bury me. Jun 7th, 2007 9:37:31 pm - Subscribe
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So this is going to be my bad thoughts aeonity. Lovexhate will be my good, determined thoughts one. Then rockstar will be general, and i'm not entirely sure about Xanga yet. meh, i'm guessing it's PMS. i'm due on soon. I can't stop randomly crying. wtf?! grr. stupid obese/pregnant pigeon. i'll never forget that in my life, i don't think. just like the suicidal pigeons. pigeons don't have a good run at all, rly, do they? hah I actually thought it was a football. or a stuffed fake thing, size of a football it was. i tried throwing stones near it to make it fly. but i guess it was too fat! lmao mum's away for the weekend. i keep forgetting it's fridae tomorrow. haha. anyways, lyrics: 30 Seconds To Mars The Kill What if I wanted to break? Laugh it all off in your face What would you do? What if I fell to the floor? Couldn't take all this anymore What would you do, do, do? Come break me down Bury me, bury me I am finished with you What if I wanted to fight? Beg for the rest of my life What would you do? You say you wanted more What are you waiting for I'm not running from you Come break me down Bury me, bury me I am finished with you Look in my eyes You're killing me, killing me All I wanted was you I tried to be someone else But nothing seemed to change I know now, this is who I really am inside Finally found myself Fighting for a chance I know now, this is who I really am Come break me down Bury me, bury me I am finished with you, you, you Look in my eyes You're killing me, killing me All I wanted was you Come, break me down Break me down Break me down What if I wanted to break...? <3 |
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jessiebell
Long showers don't solve things. Jun 14th, 2007 9:55:54 pm - Subscribe
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what have i turned into? honestly. it's worse than it's ever been, i swear. Everything gets better for everyone else, everyone else has phases. But not for me. I...i'm stuck in the neverending cycle. Why am I impossible to help? I really can't take this anymore. Death is close. It has to be. I spent ages in the shower TRYING to cry, trying to think it out. If it doesn't get better now, it never will. & now i'm being stupid and trying to feel something. no one helps. it's funny. not even when i'm screaming/asking. hahahhahahahaha... <3 |
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jessiebell
The last word. The last stance. Jun 17th, 2007 9:52:21 pm - Subscribe
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Some things i wanna note. I keep debating; good, bad, or what? The weird text from Rach, the avoidance; it all makes sense now. Yesterday my mother got me in her room, said 'do you wanna know a secret?' you must cross your heart and hope to die that you'll never tell anyone.' I was like, whatever; i hate her games. I said it in the end, after some bouts of laughter thinking how pathetic and childish it was. Then she told me that Rach has been going to see a counsellor. And the laughter subsided & i was in shock. Apparently it's over the not being able to find a job thing. Uhm, but then my mum got interrupted by the phone. So, i was left in wonderment, still shocked. Still don't know how any of the 'adults' found out & why my mum wanted to tell me if it's not something i should know about. Maybe it's because i'm meant to help Rach, since we used to be close and all. She's practically family...so.. Well, I dunno what i'm supposed to do. I have shit of my own. No one seems to understand that. Sarah told me she started her periods. it makes me feel old. She's growing up *tears up* lol Blah, i don't even know why i'm trying. you know what? i'm not even going to try anymore. This is it. I give up. After trying everything. Yep, & everyone will see the hand of justice before i go. Don't worry about that. I need to find a way though... |