Birthday weekend.
Date: Apr 12th, 2008 5:44:25 pm - Subscribe
Mood: jinxed
It always happens.
It's something about me and the people I attract. It's horrible and I don't like it.
Yesterday, i wanted to write something badly; about this uneasy feeling. About some relief, about something. Apparently, it seems like I needed that feeling; a little love which made me stop the writing (in mid paralysis.)
I need a lot of love, really.
I think that idea keeps me going. I honestly think so, and I don't know why. I guess I have an idea, i'm not prepared to share that though.
Anyhow, the birthday weekend's cool so far.
Hang out at Mel's in Telford
M&S birthday cake/traditional stuffs
Meal
Wii
Eng lit coursework
Revision
Movie?
Dye hair red.
I'm scared of people around me dying. A bit earlier, she said she was feeling unwell. She's never (hardly ever) unwell.
Saw her sleeping after she got back from work, she wasn't moving. Panic struck.
It's the same feeling I got when I was waiting for that call between 4-5 years ago. I hated answering the phone, I hated the wait.
But anyways.
HELLO!? do you think I am stupid?
It's like, 'mister, get you're fucking act together and get it fucking right or you'll fucking pay for it; hear me?'
Not trusting him stresses me out, and not being able to have that because he's not even trying.
I was perfectly fine this morning; then he has to arouse suspicion and create this feeling.
He breaks it, yet he makes it again. Bloody 'ell.
And it's not something I can't think about. It's too annoying, it needs sorting but not on my part.
Maybe i'm a little too paranoid, though.
Doesn't excuse him though. He knows all of this. It's been repeated.
Sigh. On to something better though. I woke up at seven. I actually did!
I felt so good, i haven't slept properly in about a month now, until last night. The rain and shite of the day didn't even bother me.
Until him of course.
I'm not letting it get to me, but it will have affected me somehow.
maybe there's a hope, maybe; just maybe. One day.
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