I desire nothing more than I get, cause nothing I have is truly mine
Date: Jun 25th, 2008 3:11:07 pm - Subscribe
Mood: worried
Music: Life for rent - Dido
I'm ridiculously honest.
I close up to not get hurt.
I cry at stupid things and I want to find so much good. I love more than I should love. I want to discover that it's all worth it.
I want that hot chocolate we found in Canada, the one with pre-packed marshmallows that tasted oh-so gorgeous.
I want poptarts or Kahlua coffee. Not alcoholic; just the flavouring.
When we went to Canada when I was nine, I remember we brought back home a massive tin of the stuff. It was sad when we ran out :(
Root beer would be cool too.
Or entering one of those 14634636 % fattening Dairy Queen's.
Sounds as if I'm missing Canada.
But then again, I'd love some apple tea. It's annoying that we can't have that stuff over here. I think you can buy poptarts somewhere in Camden Market, although since it had a massive fire there last summer; I doubt most of the stall owners will be back.
It's all down South anyway. Somewhere where I will be going soon enough, hopefully. But you know, I'll be a poverty ridden student. Practically anyway.
I don't want to need or want.
It's stupid. That's why solving and changing the way we think is something I should do before I leave here. Because i'm going to hate all I have to do otherwise. Get the help, that's what I need to do.
And I don't even know why I'm turned on. I feel fat and annoyed and know I suck. I wish something was good; 'it takes 5 good things to cancel out a bad thing,' or something like that anyway. And the good things are never abundant enough. I have no reason to be alright, I deserve what I get; it's all my fault really. Just wish something was alright.
I'm annoyed with myself; believing that something could be okay. I can't help thinking about what it could be like, but I doubt it'll ever happen.
Click
I can at least attempt all of those, but I definitely struggle with point 6 a lot.
Hmm. I don't even know what I'm writing anymore. Went to bed at four this morning, got up at 9; haven't really felt tired all day.
My stomach hurts. Why am I still alive?
Anyway, I have a plan. Reading this book called 'Bird' tonight. Warmth, torchlight and computer conversations. It's a new thing. Until I pass out.
kthenbai. <3
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