BELLE'S BLOG!

lament	Nov 7th, 2009 9:38:17 am - Subscribe
i wish i could write. i wish i could say all these words that won't come out. they'll never be written, i've been here too many times before. grr, i wish i could write the words. i wish love wasn't everything, but it is. i can't sleep at night. all i want to do is sleep in the day. to forget. to be at peace. sleep is the only place i feel safe. if i don't have dreams of course. i'm not eating at all. i give up on it. my body doesn't need to be nourished. because giving to your body is good. and i'm nothing good. i want to die. i know it will be better if i die. no one really has a life. we're all here for one thing. i want to waste away. slowly, painfully. it is what i deserve. the way he bruised me, on the inside too definitely shows i deserve everything bad. everything to go wrong. i am nothing and i will never be anything. everyone else hurts me, bruises me the same. i wish he would get more physical with me, i wish i could pour blood. i want the taste in my mouth, i want to be kicked. i need it. i need to see what i deserve in physical form. i think i should make him do it to me. get him so angry. i don't deserve to have a safe feeling. or to be cared about or loved. i don't deserve to be held or comforted. i don't deserve one bit of anything. not pride, love, joy, happiness. nothing that makes a person good. if i deserved something good, it would have occured by now. i'm so cold. so alone. both on the outside and on the inside. there's no nothing for me. just darkness. i hate the light. i hate the day time. but then, all i don't want is night. because night's are the worst. night's bring me closer and closer to death. i want to die. but time and days and nights. i wish they'd disappear. i wish there was no sense of anything. not even air. i want to be taken by Death. i want to be at peace. i don't care how much pain i am in beforehand. i just want to die.
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