So who's going to watch you die..
Date: Apr 28th, 2008 7:43:18 pm - Subscribe
Mood: dark
Music: What Sarah Said - Death Cab
'The saying "hurt people hurt people" is a gentle reminder that people who are at peace with themselves and the world generally do not engage in hostility and violence. If someone says or does something rude, harmful or even injurious to me, I can bet that person has some emotional thorn in his or her spirit. This doesn't excuse mean or harmful behavior but it reminds me that its source is a person who is hurting at a deep level.
Again, this insight doesn't mean that I am able to easily excuse someone who is acting like a jerk. But it's so easy to simply objectify a person like this rather than remembering that everybody hurts and some people deal with this pain worse than others. If I can remember that this kind of acting-out is a form of sickness (which I have exhibited all too often in my own life) then I am more likely to seek some sort of connection with the deeper level of that person and to treat him or her more as a real human being than I may otherwise want to do.
There's a saying sometimes heard in 12-step meetings that goes: "I'm not a bad person trying to be a good person, I'm a sick person trying to get well." This pretty well sums up the difference between objectifying and understanding a person who is engaging in emotionally hurtful behavior. Either this is essentially my enemy (or at least a hindrance) to be defended against, or its a fellow human with some degree of emotional or spiritual sickness (or at least unease) in need of some way to heal.
When I realize this I can provide a little medicine in the form of some understanding, empathy or support, and I can protect my own ego from harm by trying not to take the situation overly personally. It's silly to invest a sick or hurt person with too much power over me, but that's exactly what I do I put serenity at their mercy. Finally, it helps me to recognize all the times I've let my own hurts affect the way I've treated others. The same shoe fits a lot of feet!
What can you do today to provide a little touch of healing in a sick world?'
- taken from a blogspot blog, but i think it's effective and relevant.
-----
To be perfectly honest, i can't be arsed with life anymore.
I wish i could just watch The OC from start to finish; then some movies, read books OF MY CHOICE, not have to care about others for once. Just stroll around aimlessly listening to all the melodies of the world.
I'd like to be with Richard in Wales, on Rhyl beach. Just breathe and be by the sea.
I want some peace, i deserve some peace. I need some sort of peace.
I want out of here, out of this body that's bruised so badly. I want out of this life, this life that doesn't seem to ever be getting anywhere.
I know i'll always be stuck like this, it's as pretty good as set in stone.
Drying cement may be more like what it is.
Quick sand's even better. Clawing at the sides, but it's useless because no one's around, no one can pull you out; so you'll be devoured.
In a way, i want the world to consume me; to just take me through killing me.
It's already killed me, it just needs to finish me off really.
If i can't be consumed in that way, I would like to be consumed by the world's love and generous giving. To be helped and saved, for good. No more cycle of impending doom.
This day started off as being about restoration, improvement and adjustment.
It ends tragically, yet again.
Help me, help me help me, please help me.
FFS.
I don't know why i feel useless no matter what happens.
Seriously, talking to Richard used to actually work. Now, nothing at all works.
There's nothing, i can't take it anymore, i can't do this anymore.
I want to be loved and no one can love me.
I'm that tragic/pathetic/a lost cause.
Everyone always leaves in the end.
It's my fault, and so I should stop my own suffering and leave too.
I actually can't do anything.
I'm stuck.
This will sound silly to people who know me.
But i don't care, i know i'm right about how i'm feeling.
I want nothing more than to be a wife, with children and a lovely home with a lovely view by the ocean. I want to grow old with someone, and be happy. I want to teach, to see, to be; to love, to learn, to feel.
At the minute, i don't feel anything at all.
My death instinct seems like it's taken over fully.
Normally, there should be a balance between the life instinct and death instinct; even if the id is more dominant.
Comments: (0)
