|
Every moment is precious to me. But only to me. |
|
I really don't want to wait any longer. I am tired, and I am defeated. Every day. It makes me want to leave you for good. Every hit, though, and I start to care a little less. I like it. I like the thoughts of leaving everything behind. To be by myself, on a beach some place, with the breeze on my cheeks. Barefoot in a dress, feeling beautiful, feeling blithe. I crave relaxation, and I mention it frequently.. It is becoming an irritant to even think about. This gasper here, though, gives me enough to survive in my own psyche, for now. Maybe one day I will find my lull. |
|
So, I found it. And it scared the shit out of me. Everything was normal, everything was cool. I didn't feel it, I wasn't impressed. Next thing I know, I was outside. Everything was in, and then out again. I was cold, in my head. But my body did not feel it. Was I really cold? I can't be sure. I can hear my heart. Can you? My head was spinning, and everything was silent. Everything was cold. I'm back in again. What that fuck is this? I can't concentrate. Next thing I know, I was on the couch. Now I'm freezing. I want to sleep.. I don't want to feel this anymore.. Make it stop. I can hear my heart. Can you? |
|
I enjoy being obsequious. I enjoy the rewards. Somewhere, deep inside, I yearn to be taken advantage of. Everything on my outside, though, fights every moment of it. My umbra rips at the thought of it, in attempt to retain what independence I have left. But when I find this submission from time to time, it is when I am most content. I find peace in creating happiness for him. I find peace in keeping quiet. I find peace in being appreciated, instead of a burden. I am so happy I found it once more. I need to stop trying to run away. If I continue that, I'll forever be overwhelmed. I just need to learn to adapt better. I think I have it this time. And it feels nice. |
|
It's late. It's raining. And I'd kill for a cigarette. I'm trying so desperately to get a handle on things.. My future, my family, my love. It is all so overwhelming somedays. There's always reserve at the end of that coffin nail, though. Always. |