It's almost 9am, and it's still dark outside. I think it's going to storm.
As of late, I've been taking delicate note of how I look upon my fellow bystanders. An odd thing to do, maybe, but there is reason, nonetheless. I've been inspired and uplifted.
For so long [as long as I can truly remember, actually] I've had this feeling dwelling deep inside of me that I was separate from everyone else. That feeling of unrelativity, as if no one would understand. As if I were the first person to ever think about the things that I do, or to feel what I do. And just recently, I sat down and contemplated it. It struck me as completely nonsensical.
That feeling in my subconscience has indirectly caused me to be isolated from other people, and I think that has had a negative effect on me.
I do believe that there are people that relate to me in mind and feeling. It's inane to think otherwise.
Sometimes I yearn to understand people, and their antics, and I feel as though I do a fairly good job of it. Maybe that's because I'm just like them. Maybe I just haven't come to that admittance yet, within myself. Maybe I'm petrified of someone understanding how I feel, and what I say, because I'm ashamed.
Still, this consummation is a productive one.
I think I'm moving backwards. Or perhaps I'm just making my final choice, and that's the way it'll be. I can't tell. I'm not certain.
I'm not certain if I'm being inane, or just doing what I want, because I feel I'm ready. And this is devouring me inside, because I can't come to any conclusion.
I'm afraid I'm going to let things happen that shouldn't. But at the same time, when it comes down to it, I'm not sure that I'll even try to denounce it, because it's what I yearn for. Is it right, though, just because I want it?
I feel like I'm moving backwards because I'm making myself vulnerable. Not physically, though. Just.. mentally. I'm contemplating things I never have before.
This is the first time in my life, when prompted, that I've never completely wanted to reject the fallacious. Simply, it's because I want it. I want to let go for a little bit, and stop thinking. I'm so weary of thought lately..