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Somedays, I wish for gills. More often than not. I wish for silence, and for beauty. I want to swim. I want to feel the water embrace my body, as I slice through it effortlessly. I want to twist and twirl. I want to be surrounded in greens and oranges and pinks. I want to float. I want fresh air. I want tranquility. I want reserve. I want to swim out past the breakers, and watch the world die. |
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I wish I could give it back. I've taken so much, I'm throwing him off track. I just want him to smile, And be okay with me awhile. But I extract every cheer. Every laugh, And every tear. He wants his life, but all I can do is think about my own. So narcissistic, Everything, I feel like I've blown. It's going downhill, Though we're holding on still. I want to make it, And get past all this bullshit. He wants his life, But maybe I'm not the best. If I can't give him everything, I'm no better than the rest. Everything is on his plate. His family, his job, And even his mate. I do not want to be a burden, though. I don't want to be a stress. I want to help him, Work with him, through this mess. He wants his life, But all he really gets is strife. From me. |
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Right now, in this moment; this beautiful moment, I am in the most miserable state I think I have ever found myself in. And all the same, I am elated. So odd it is, to feel two extremes. It happens when you find something unlike any other. Something that fills your soul with buoyancy. Something so perfect and statuesque that sleep means nothing, for that is just wasted time. Something that absolutely tears at your being when lost, and then smoothes the scars upon returning. Something that makes you wish on callow things like your last cigarette, or a fortune cookie. He asked me for forever, and then he left the next day. I should be so lucky, but I feel miserable. In my sulking, I am conflicted with happiness. And I think to myself, what a wonderful world. |
| Shut the fuck uppp. |