Date: Jun 15th, 2011 12:43:15 pm - Subscribe
Music: Neon Indian - Ephemeral Artery
There is an insect in my head.
I can feel his claws.
Every now and again, I can feel him squirming.
He is getting closer to the surface.
So I reach in, grasp his wings, and tug to no avail.
He escapes me every time.
He scratches at my Hippocampus.
He eats away at my Neocortex.
And he shits on my Amygdala.
I fucking hate myself.
Taste a little taste.
Date: Jun 11th, 2011 10:03:42 pm - Subscribe
Music: Tinie Tempah - Written In The Stars
Is it plausible for deranged people to be aware of their own psychosis?
We try to just stay alive.
Date: May 27th, 2011 10:39:57 am - Subscribe
Mood: Worn out.
Music: Deadmau5 - Strobe
As I was drifting off to sleep last night, I dreamt a dream.
I tried to fight it, for, most dreams I can dig myself out of.
But the more I struggled, the worse this one became.
The Sandman pried my eyes open with no remorse when I denied him my own efforts.
The madness I could not elude choked my metaphysical self until my breaths could no longer be detected.
Self-sabotage and mutilation was the focus of this delusion.
I could not abscond from the tangible need for entropy.
And by the end of this horror, there was nothing left of me.
Dizzy, dizzy, dizzy.
Date: May 17th, 2011 10:36:22 am - Subscribe
Music: Nosaj Thing - Aquarium
Summer is on the way, and it is becoming tepid.
Often, they come, attempting to intrigue.
But I flow along, inadvertently.
One day, though, there is you.
And you are beautiful.
You apprehend my attention,
and tickle my curiosities.
There you wade, anticipating my energy.
And I acquiesce.
In, and then out again.
Here, and then gone again.
You perpetually reappear though.
Every day I sweep you back up, and drift along side you again.
My passion for you reveals itself in my cascading liquids that envelope you.
In, and then out again.
Here, and then gone again.
And even when the red flags emerge, you arouse.
I try my hardest to retract from you, but the winds will not oblige.
Please do not let me drown you.
Reflecting pieces of the sun.
Date: May 7th, 2011 9:46:05 pm - Subscribe
Music: Jack Johnson - Inaudible Melodies
If Einstein-Rosen Bridges truly are,
bestow an alien upon me.
An exquisite one with clairvoyance.
So that he may connect to me.
A marvelous one with a soul.
So that he may perceive my every sentiment.
A resplendent one with unmatched strength.
So that he may protect me, when I cannot fend for myself.
An alluring one with identity.
So that he may find solace in himself.
A dazzling one with command.
So that he may help me find comfort in my place.
A stunning one with intellect.
So that we may find inspiration in each other to change the world.
Danger, you know that the fire is burning.
Date: May 1st, 2011 12:57:10 am - Subscribe
Music: Skindred - Pressure
Your abandonment only fortifies.
A proverbial proclivity.
Goodnight my darling,
and sugary-sweet dreams to you.
Without me, you've got it all.
Date: Apr 13th, 2011 9:07:54 pm - Subscribe
Music: Robert Pattinson - Never Think
When I have nothing, I have you.
You, you sweet, foul thing. Such a curse you have imprinted on my body, that the future will someday devastate me with.
But you're always there. Every moment of every day.
And you're exactly what I need, and what I yearn for.
When I have nothing, I have you.
Oh please, I'm in love..
Artemis, you silly arthropod.
Date: Apr 4th, 2011 12:55:21 pm - Subscribe
Music: A Place To Bury Strangers - Missing You
It's like being in a tidal wave,
And letting it sweep you away.
It's like being in a car wreck,
And not holding onto anything.
It's like being ravaged by a lion,
And just laying there.
It's like being hit,
And then curling into his arms.
My beloved Superman,
Date: Mar 26th, 2011 11:33:50 pm - Subscribe
Mood: A stinging sensation.
Music: The Jesus And Mary Chain - Head On
You light my ass up like a bonfire in July.
Goodnight, my flame.
His eyes are open.
Date: Mar 25th, 2011 2:00:32 pm - Subscribe
Music: Young The Giant - My Body
It is inviting.
Like the breeze on a spring afternoon.
Only, this breeze is ominous of a hurricane.
Velocity and altitude are on the menu tonight.
Every vortex brings the storm nearer.
You have to listen faithfully; you'll hear it.
Outside, the trees are splitting and flexing.
Until you feel the quakes, though,
I need your warmth.
Date: Mar 24th, 2011 10:25:40 pm - Subscribe
Music: LMFAO - Party Rock Anthem
Summer turns to winter,
and winter eventually makes its way back to summer.
The bitter chill of Jack Frost is unforgiving,
while the intensity of the dog days are a constant.
Do I favor fire or ice?
Louder than thunder.
Date: Mar 9th, 2011 10:49:23 pm - Subscribe
Music: Woe, Is Me - (&) Delinquents
You blow by.
And you whirl me in.
I chase you.
And you persist, oblivious.
You trickle down.
And you give me chills.
I lick you from my cheeks.
And you persist, oblivious.
You pour in.
And you drown me.
I am soaked.
And you persist, oblivious.
My own, personal storm.
And how deeply I treasure you.
Blame it on my A.D.D., baby.
Date: Feb 28th, 2011 1:31:25 pm - Subscribe
Music: Awolnation - Sail
"It's like a band-aid, you know? Sometimes it's better just to get it off fast, rather than suffer through trying to pull it off slowly."
I really need you.
But I know I can only save myself.
I have an earthquake on my mind.
Date: Feb 25th, 2011 1:05:14 pm - Subscribe
Music: How To Destroy Angels - A Drowning
Shelter me beneath your body,
Wrap me in your arms.
Let the sweat drip down your sides,
And onto mine.
Hold me close,
And move with me.
Penetrate my heart with your eyes,
And whisper you love me again.
This feels amazing.
She spreads herself wide open to let the insects in.
Date: Feb 24th, 2011 1:06:17 pm - Subscribe
Music: Nine Inch Nails - Reptile
They say that dolphins are unique to the animal kingdom, in that they are self-aware. Like humans, the only other species to have awareness of self, dolphins recognize themselves as individuals, are culturally involved, can understand language and abstract concepts, and are thought to even consider the future.
I pity you, sea mammal.
The moon gives me permission.
Date: Feb 10th, 2011 4:26:42 pm - Subscribe
Music: VAST - Pretty When You Cry
I was but a butterfly.
And then I discovered what it means to be a butterfly, and what it would ultimately mean to change that. And so I did.
I grew, and I changed, and I morphed, and I split. My wings were no longer wings, but ferocious claws. My antennae? Now fangs. A beast I had become, and would forever be.
Until I met you. Tamer of the creature I had transposed into. You designed and structured this cage for me, you fed me, you cared for me, and you loved me.
I am but a butterfly once more.
The deep end of my head.
Date: Feb 7th, 2011 1:19:03 pm - Subscribe
Music: Edward Maya - Stereo Love
I hope you understand.
To watch the stars all night and talk with you..
Date: Feb 3rd, 2011 8:57:45 pm - Subscribe
Music: Jonny Telafone - Doomed In Love
My heart aches for the most minuscule of reasons.
But I lie awake at night thinking about them.
First things first; I'll eat your brains.
Date: Jan 17th, 2011 12:47:20 pm - Subscribe
Music: Azrael - Lupine Sixty Nine
I want to revel in your scent.
I want to lick your limbs.
I want to nibble on your extremities.
I want to taste your skin.
I want to bite down on your genitalia.
I want to drain you of your conception.
I want to swallow your synovia.
I want to devour your tissues.
I want to absorb your vital fluid.
I want to feast upon your core.
I want to gorge on your mind, and all of its wonders.
I'm a motherfucking monster.
Your sighs harmonize with mine.
Date: Jan 7th, 2011 2:54:43 pm - Subscribe
Mood: A little let down.
Music: Owl City - I'll Meet You There
From across this flourishing meadow I can barely make you out. But I know, strong and steady, there you stand amongst the grass beneath your exalted anatomy.
Outside of my reach, my eyes design you to my imagination. My mental Matisse delineates your glorious extremities with dazzling highlights and naturalistic hues.
Upon your divergences are your fruitful passions. I am persuaded to believe that they are all mine. There are so many, and I find myself so thrilled. Some are large, some are miniature. They all bear individual pigments. Brilliant blue, ravishing rose, entrancing emerald. All so succulent. So luscious.
As I begin to approach, I realize that your contour is slowly coming into view. My eyes widen with excitement, and my step quickens.
Only, the closer I get, the more your colors are beginning to fade, and your leaves are withering.
I fail to understand, and it is painful to endure these thoughts.
Nothing is like before.
Date: Jan 5th, 2011 7:11:14 pm - Subscribe
Mood: One of abysmal adoration.
Music: Utada Hikaru - Simple and Clean
The habitual rushes of blood into my cranium are ever-so invigorating. And yet, I have never wished for my life to end so frequently before.
Like the Spanish moss that drapes itself over the Oak trees creating a forlorn scene, my reason is plagued by gloom. My elation is flooded by the repugnant. My delight is swallowed by the contrary. At every possible escape, I find myself in more desperation than ever before.
But there are those moments when I have never been more joyous in my entire life. And I would risk depression for all of my remaining days to keep them coming.
There are those moments when my soul sings so loud that it could be heard from the next block. There are those moments when my moans of pleasure are so passionate that they could be heard from the next county over. There are those moments when my laughs are so mirthful that they can be heard from the neighboring state.
There are those moments when my heart is pounding so hard that I bet the world could feel it, if they just stopped for a second..
I want something good to die for, to make it beautiful to live.
Date: Dec 30th, 2010 9:17:56 am - Subscribe
Music: Queens of The Stonage - Hanging Tree
Sitting passenger, I'm always quiet. I'm calculating. I'm estimating. I'm visualizing. I'm abating.
I map out the way to my heart; how far away I am from it, how many streets away it is, how many highways to cross.
And when I finally find it, I can finally breathe.
No drums, no hook, just new shit.
Date: Dec 9th, 2010 1:17:47 pm - Subscribe
Music: Jay Electronica - Eternal Sunshine
What makes you so goddamn different?
What makes you think I'm so good?
What makes you think that you can save my life?
What makes you think that you know everything I'm going to say?
What makes you think that you are the best thing for me?
What makes you think that you can make me happy forever?
What makes you think that I'm not going to get tired of you?
What makes you think that I'm not going to do the same thing to you that I do to everyone else?
They drank up all the whiskey and they partied every night.
Date: Dec 8th, 2010 8:57:15 pm - Subscribe
Mood: So very alone.
Music: Holy Fuck - Lovely Allen
I enjoyed our talk.
It reminded me how insignificant, to you, it really was.
Thank you for that.
Her mind is tiffany-twisted.
Date: Dec 1st, 2010 6:17:01 pm - Subscribe
Music: The Eagles - Hotel California
Swimming along the streams of my being are platelets of rose. They are full, and brilliant. They are smooth, and agile.
With your body against mine, they are warm.
Beating within the core of my body is the crimson engine of self. It is strong, and ever-pounding.
With your body against mine, it melts.
Pulsating in the heavens of my person is my entangled psyche. It is frantic, and unorganized. It is excited. It is violent.
With your body against mine, it is calm.
I would surely suffocate without.
Can't kick the habit, I've got to have it.
Date: Nov 30th, 2010 5:04:53 pm - Subscribe
Music: Family Force 5 - Luv Addict
You are not good for my health.
I cannot focus on my studies because of you. I can barely have a conversation without being reminded of you. You bring me stresses of guilt and lies. You disrupt me at work. You trick me into believing atrocious things. You try to make me jealous, for your own validation. You make me feel stupid, you make me feel nervous. I cannot have one single thought to myself.
And I'm madly in love with you.
I think about you every moment of every day. Paying attention in school, or anywhere else, is a fruitless effort. I talk about you all the time, even to people who get tired of hearing it, and become jealous. I feel so guilty for loving you so deeply while having another, but I am so unbelievably happy. You call me at work just to hear my voice, and it makes my entire day, and my cheeks hurt because I cannot stop smiling for the longest time. You ask me my opinions of your past, because you want me to tell you that I am jealous, because I only want you to be mine, and I feel so special. You could stare at me for hours, making me become nervous, and shy away. But you tell me it's only because you love me, and you think I am the most beautiful creature you have ever seen. That makes my heart pound in my chest. And you slipped your way inside my head, it seems, because you can read my every thought.
You are not good for my health.
You are amazing for it.
Date: Nov 24th, 2010 11:59:47 pm - Subscribe
Mood: At peace, for a moment.
Music: Jane's Addiction - I Would For You
I invite you into the labyrinth that is my mind.
Delve in, if you will, and paddle against my flowing intricacies.
Sift through my pains and agonies.
Hollow out and climb the trees of my memories.
Excavate my lusts and desires.
Filter out the debris, and uncover the jewels that are my loves and cares.
Win not my heart, but my mind
And to you, I will bind.
Date: Nov 23rd, 2010 10:38:07 am - Subscribe
Music: The Cab - One of Those Nights
A beautiful beach house. Two main doors, many windows about, with fragile wooden shutters, hardwood flooring, sun room, glass doors leading to it. Few rooms.
Something has happened.
What's going on?
Lock the doors! Hurry!
I sit on the cold floor, underneath one of the windows. The front doors creak and contract with so much pressure.
What's out there?!
Above my head, the shutter of the window begins contorting inward as well. I jump up to apply the needed pressure to ensure this intruder does not succeed.
A hand grasps mine. Chills. I force it out and lock the window. We sit for quite some time, until the pounding and scratchings cease.
My neighbors are frantic and scared. Can't find loved ones, pets, or a safe place. I extend my hand to them.
After a while, I end up with quite a few individuals in my home. One lady with a terrier, a boy and his father, many more by themselves.
The attacks continue, every so often. I remember to lock the windows from now on.
I escape to my room for a brief few minutes, to enjoy a private cigarette. The boy accompanies me. I share with him. Who cares? We're probably going to see our end soon anyway.
After several days, many are starting to lose it.
The boy that I have since been spending time with cannot find his father. We venture outside, while it is still seemingly safe. His father is there, as I suspected. I call to him, but he does not seem to respond. He is walking in circles, staring at the sky. I call once more, as does the boy. Nothing.
Sudden wind. My heart races. We must go now!
I look up. Vultures everywhere, circling. At once, they dive on top of the man, and begin tearing him to shreds. The boy screams in panic. I hold him tight, attempting to drag him back inside. He refuses to go without his father. I must leave..
On the way in, I say my silent goodbyes.
I look above the door to see a strange green bird stuck to the wall as if it were a bat. Odd.
Lock the doors! Hurry!
The doors are being slammed against once more, stretching and flexing.
The dog does not like me much until now. I give it my patience, and it slowly approaches. Cute dog.
A select few individuals believe it to be a good idea to go out into the sun room, where there is no roof, which I strongly advise against.
Vultures. Blood. Screaming.
I close the glass doors, praying desperately for them to be okay.
The doors, I mean.
As weeks pass, the few of us remaining muster the mental strength to take on the challenge of departure. We exit the house during safe time, find a vehicle, and head for the main road.
Traffic jam? Where did all these people come from? There are at least two-hundred cars in front of us. I was relieved.
Are we safe here? Not sure.
They're calling this Year Zero. Everything is wiped out. Everyone is gone. We have to start over.
Dear beautiful lady,
Date: Nov 19th, 2010 9:24:34 pm - Subscribe
Music: The Word Alive - Casanova Rodeo
I saw you walk into my store today, child in hand.
Your nose was red, eyes were wet.
Your tummy was large; another one is on the way.
Your little one just wanted a game.
I looked at you, and my mind raced.
I didn't know what to say or ask.
I removed the game from the case, smiled, and escorted you to the counter.
My mind still racing with questions and approaches.
"Are you alright?.." I ask finally, as I hand you your receipt.
Your eyes welled, and you said thank you,
and that you would be fine, in your quivering voice.
And then you left.
I reached out to you,
even though I knew you would not want to talk to me.
Why would you?
I'm a sales associate at some store.
But I just wanted you to know I was there.
And I hope you really are okay.
I'm asking, just asking.
Date: Nov 18th, 2010 6:56:17 pm - Subscribe
Music: Sleeping with Sirens - In Case of Emergency, Dial 411
"Are you okay? Sometimes I feel like you want to tell me something, but you just can't.."
I love you, mom.
The best advice I have is don't look down.
Date: Nov 18th, 2010 12:33:21 pm - Subscribe
Music: A Skylit Drive - The Children of Adelphia
I imagine that upon peering outside of my window, I will see a field of flowers in bloom. Or maybe a lurid forest, quiet and still. Perhaps I will see a group of those feathered aviators lift from the branches, and ascend into the clouds so freely. Or something fuzzy scurrying across the crispy leaves and brambles, desperately searching for a snack. I imagine a light trickle of rain, providing the soundtrack of this scene. I pretend that there are no more garbage trucks, or radio stations, or screaming children, or emergency sirens, or televisions, or factories, or highways. I imagine that everything is silent. Everything is soft. Everything is lush. Everything is alive. Everything is green.
But upon peering outside of my window, I find that none of this is so. And I feel so very, very lost.
Save my life.
Confessions: Part Two.
Date: Nov 16th, 2010 9:00:06 am - Subscribe
Music: Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars
To my newly-found heart,
I read somewhere once that before you find true love, you have to fall in love with three different people. First, you have to fall in love with your best friend, ruining your relationship forever, so that you know the difference between 'just friends' and more. Second, someone who is just like you, so that you may discover who you are, and who you would like to be. And last, someone who you think is perfect, so that you may realize that no one truly is, and understand that everyone is just looking for love in the end. I am not sure if, or where, the next is supposed to come in, but I think I may have found it in you. You are the closest person to me in my life, and you have been for a very long time. And I love you. And I may need time to pursue this, but if you have the patience, I am willing to try. Please don't ever leave..
To my twinge of pain,
I'm beginning to lose it with you. Your anger is overwhelming, and my trust for you is dwindling slowly. I love you, and I never meant for this to happen. I have lied. I did not have plans for it, but I suppose father knows best, yes? I always think they are wrong, but when it comes down to it, they're spot-on every time. I guess you were just one more weed in the garden waiting to be plucked. I cannot be here anymore.
To my inspiration,
I'm beginning to become like you, and I fucking love it. I've always wanted to be care-free as you are. I'm finding happiness in your ways. Thank you for understanding.
I can't wait to see you for Christmas.
When you dream of me tonight, am I close to where you are?
Date: Nov 14th, 2010 12:14:29 am - Subscribe
Mood: Irrevocably in love.
Music: Sleeping With Sirens - You Kill Me (In A Good Way)
Is it atrocious that I feel hardly any guilt, remorse, regret.. anything?
My heart is still pounding.
Is it barbaric that I had no difficulty with presenting a facade?
My heart is still pounding.
Is it heinous that I still want it more than anything?
My heart is still pounding.
If you would hold me the way you did tonight,
my heart would forever be warm.
Just ask me to, I can save your life.
Date: Nov 12th, 2010 9:46:42 am - Subscribe
Music: Boards of Canada - Chromakey Dreamcoat
Some days, I wish the current would fall apart. I wish that everything I knew, I would no longer need to give a second thought to. And I wish it was just you and I.
I wish I could leave this place,
and come lose my mind with you.
Date: Aug 1st, 2010 4:14:16 pm - Subscribe
Music: Lupe Fiasco - Carrera Lu
You my chick, my brahh, my nig, my homes, my dog, my smoking buddy, my beach bitch, my bad influence, my comfort zone, my genius-minds-think-alike, my driver, my teacher, my best friend.
You've taken me out of my shell, made me unafraid of the unknown, and helped me become independent. You were there when I came to this hick town with nothing but the memories of the place I yearned to return to. We skipped classes to get Chinese food, and it all began. We were essentially attached at the hip for the next year to come, and made so many memories over the course.
You were just like me, and I, like you. We weren't concerned about appearances, or femininity, or spitting, or littering, or smelling like smoke, or messy hair, or soaking wet clothes, or being covered in sand. We knew the music that no one else seemed to, we grabbed that pack at the same time, we texted simultaneously, we understood each other, without words.
You were there when I needed someone the most. When I was new, and unsocial. You were there to listen when I had stories, or when I needed a laugh. You were there when school sucked, and we took drives to Destin. You were there when I was outside my normal state of mind, and sketching (sorry I ruined it for you!). You were there when my relationship was at its all-time low. You drove over at midnight to share a smoke with me and listen to me cry. I was there the same night, when you broke down for similar reasons. You were there every time I was having a rough one, to tell me that it's all good, and fuck everyone else. You unexpectedly came over my house blazed, but I loved it because it was like somehow you knew that I needed someone at that very moment.. You were there in the bathroom of Winn Dixie, when I got my results, to give me a huge hug of relief. You taught me to drive, you taught me to chill. You taught me to depend on no one else but me, and to have a good time, no matter what. You taught me how to live.
Despite our little arguments about getting gas, or me being a pussy, I appreciate your understanding of who I really am as a person. I appreciate everything you've done for me in the past year. I appreciate your time, your money spent, and your listening ear. I love you, you've been one of the closest people to me in my entire life, and I'll being telling our stories for the rest of it.
Don't forget about me when you reach Georgia, girl, I love you.
Soul, Sacred, Meant.
Date: Jul 15th, 2010 11:10:22 pm - Subscribe
Music: Flying Lotus - Testament
Xbox, O Xbox.
My all is given from morn, 'til eve. I plead for verbalization. I plead for support. I give everything that is required and desired. And yet you, you malicious machine, show no mercy. You steal him away! His veins run red with fury, and he exerts it upon me!
Xbox, O Xbox.
Please break into a million pieces.
They say that love is forever; your forever is all that I need.
Date: Jun 16th, 2010 3:02:33 pm - Subscribe
Music: Sleeping With Sirens - If I'm James Dean, You're Audrey Hepburn
If I drain my eyes, will my heart wash away in the current as well?
This dream, and you.
Date: Jun 7th, 2010 9:47:42 am - Subscribe
Mood: As guilt-ridden as ever.
Music: Daft Punk - Digital Love
I need to stop this while I'm ahead.
My mind, like everything else in my tiny, self-absorbed world, is something that I aim to control.
I hold in my hands the essence of thought, emotion, and decision. I allow it to float gently in my palms, although keeping a close eye to avoid complete liftoff. My eyes widen at the possibilities and fantasies that I create between my fingers, as I twirl this astral machine around. Pefection and solace is what I see. What I see is nothing but a figment. A monster drooling furiously beneath my sheets, or a delicate nymph upon a leaf just outside.
I acquiesce that the orb may dance along my fingertips and, finally, outside of my actual reach. Dust trails are left, and they sparkle. Oh, they sparkle with such charm that my eyes dare not traverse. Again, they are large and curious with incitement, as I watch the entity drift across the atmosphere, and closer to the clouds.
Reason is now absent, as is logic. I am now stupified.
I got the velocity.
Date: Jun 2nd, 2010 3:16:28 pm - Subscribe
Music: Third Eye Blind - Can You Take Me
The end of the semester of the final year is right around the corner.. and I'm beginning to realize things. I am not content with simply being average. I am not okay with an average job, with an average family, and an average home. I want it all to be wonderful. I want to make a difference. I want to save the world. I want to inspire the masses.
Have you ever thought you were meant for something bigger?
I do. I'm psyched.
Ease my mind.
Date: Jun 1st, 2010 6:12:01 pm - Subscribe
Music: Steve Conte - Call Me, Call Me
Please understand, the things I say, I do not mean to hurt you with. You are wonderous to me, and I would never long to lose you. I simply pine to penetrate into the depths of your cerebrum, with the hopes of striking gold. I wish there were a way that I could discern why you feel the way you do. I do not often face confusion when it comes to individuals, but you have me caught in a web that I cannot seem to untangle with ease. But I suppose the fight is what is so inviting about you.
If you could throw a blade my way, though, it would be much appreciated.
Know that I love you.
Be mine, Sister Salvation.
Date: May 22nd, 2010 8:04:50 am - Subscribe
Music: KMFDM - Juke Joint Jezebel
If bees could swim, and if turtles could fly.. Everything might be beautiful.
But this Susie-Homemaker thing isn't working for me.
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